Poison Popcorn – Castle Freak

Welcome to the first edition of Poison Popcorn: A showcase for some of the most weird, gross and absurd movies lurking on the net.

Genre: Horror/Thriller
Director: Stuart Gordon
Rated: R
Buy the DVD 

What do you get when a crazy old Duchess chops off her son’s meat and two veg, chains him up in the dungeon of her castle, feeds him the bare minimum of food and whips him mercilessly when the fancy takes her? In all probability, a malnourished, lethargic eunuch with gingivitis, lingering on the brink of death is what.

But Stuart Gordon isn’t constrained by such trivial things as diet, nutrition or reality. What he gives us is a Freak; a super strong, agile, razor-toothed, horn dog waiting for the opportunity to get the hell out of his pit and wreak some havoc.

Cue a heart attack for Her Grace after a particularly strenuous session in the dungeons (she was old and couldn’t wield the old cat o’ nine tails like she used to), and say hello to the new residents; a recovering alcoholic father John, his frigid wife Susan, and their blind daughter Rebecca.

Their son couldn’t make it because he was killed in the same car accident that blinded his sister and drunken daddy was driving. The family are still together but his wife’s no longer flashing him the vertical smile, if you catch my drift…

Husband and wife need to take stock of the deceased’s worldly goods so they can flog them post haste. Daughter pairs off with dad and he promptly ignores her whilst she decides to go exploring on her lonesome, which is always a good idea in a new environment when you’re blind.

Off she trots, straight to the dungeon, practically shoving her head between the bars of the freak’s cell trying to ascertain if anyone’s there. Freak catches a glimpse of her and is immediately enamoured. Shortly after she leaves, he eats the castle cat which I can only assume must’ve been full of spinach because he then manages to wrench his chains from the wall and break open the cell door.

Let the good times roll as the freak lurks around the castle in a bed sheet and espies John, having fallen off the wagon, in the wine cellar with a local prostitute. After watching John in action, the freak follows the lady of the night, snatches her and pops her in the dungeon. One of the most disturbingly gory scenes follows as he emulates John’s “oral performance” without accounting for the fact that he has really sharp teeth and has a penchant for eating living creatures. Let’s just say you won’t be using the term ‘eating out’ for a long while without your eyes watering.

A killing spree ensues, the police get involved and Rebecca gets kidnapped and stowed away in the dungeon. It’s up to John to right his wrongs and save the family from the castle freak…

We dare you to buy Castle Freak on DVD

Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter

13 thoughts on “Poison Popcorn – Castle Freak

  1. Great new segment for the Laser Time website! Gamer Girl really started this off with a bang. I now have to see how this movie with an amazingly shitty premise ends!

  2. well… this looks AMAZING, Stuart Gordons re-animator is one of my favorite horror movies and if this is any where as rediculous as that itll make this a much watch for me i think

  3. have you guys ever considered doing video reviews for terrible movies such as this? Kind of like trailer trash theater back in the day except with full length films

  4. Great to see more articles here..agree with Chunker on the trailer trash idea, but you guys could just do sections of the movie, rather then do the whole films.

  5. Great article!

    Sounds like nice family viewing! 😉 when’s the next one coming? We need more gore!!! (and bad acting…)

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