Adventure Time, fuckable pies, and FUTBAWL are among the week’s big highlights. Plus, find out how to save on new games and WIN A $20 AMAZON GIFT CARD just for supporting Laser time!

Back again with your weekly look at the new release landscape. It’s a bit hit or miss, but that doesn’t mean we’re not going to give away a $20 Amazon gift card to one lucky commentor. It’s the trade off we make as friends in exchange for asking (begging) you to browse Amazon through Laser Time’s links. Even if you don’t plan on buying anything specifically from the new release highlights below, not to mention our updated list of upcoming videogame pre-order bonuses and comic book recommendations courtesy of Cape Crisis, simply clicking through the links below and on the right hand sidebar nets Laser Time a small commission to keep on a’goin’. So, if you’re not going to Donate or buy a T-Shrit from the Laser Time Store, shopping Amazon is the freest, easiest way to show some support to Laser time. As always, in exchange for endurting our drivel, we’re offering up a FREE $20 Amazon Gift Card for one lucky commenter.

American Reunion
While I don’t think I’m quite of the generation that would hold the American Pie Trilogy all that near and dear, I actually found the first film quite touching, mostly since I was the exact age of the graduating seniors depicted in the film. Plus, I found “the raunch” less shocking, and a helluva a lot more realistic. I don’t think it can be argued that the sequels, to say nothing of the dozen or so straight-to-DVD Pies, shot for a younger audience (lowest common denominator) I found the reviews for American Reunion quite heartwarming. “Oh yeah…” the critics seemed to say, “That‘s why we ever cared about these characters.” Thinking back, the first film actually struck a fairly fine balance between Hard-R comedy and an authentic portrayal of doe-eyed youth, people my age, and I think everyone was pretty taken aback by what looked like a cynical way of plastering these aging teen actors back onscreen for a last ditch cash grab. Can’t wait to check this out…

NCAA Football 13  360  |  PS3
Are you ready-ready? ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAAALL?! Seriously, it’s like a Monday Night Party that’s only as far away as your console! *sigh*… Is a non sportsfan such as myself really supposed to elaborate on the treasures locked inside this jewel case of annual Pigskinnery? Lemme guess, it’s got “updated rosters,” “enhanced modes,” and “seamless online integration?”

Adventure Time: The Complete First Season
I won’t pretend to be an expert on this show, but hey, I don’t really watch TV proper anymore. I have, however, loved every single second I’ve ever seen of Adventure Time and the show sure as shit took its time coming to DVD. (And goddammit! No Blu-ray?!) There’s not much currently airing on television that shows the broad appeal of the animation medium more than the wondrous exploits of Jake and Finn, and I know this for certain because I’m not caught up on every bit of madness unspooled on the show, yet it’s still an absolute delight to watch regardless of your precious “context.” So if you’re like me, and have been waiting for literally years to pick up a comprehensive set, here ya go!

Margret
I know next to nothing about this film, except for it’s behind the scenes turmoil. For one, it was completed back in 2008, I believe, which will undoubtedly make watching it stars – such as Anna Paquin, Matt Damon, and Mark Ruffalo – a bit like looking into a time capsule. Evidently, this took almost THREE YEARS just to edit! And among the many talented filmmakers brought in to help director Kenneth Lonergan (writer of Analyze This and… Doug?!) Sydney Pollack pitched in but fucking died YEARS before the movie ever saw release. Lawsuits were thrown around, Matthew Broderick basically had to finance the completion of the film, whatever… my policy is that anything that caused this many delays and creative strife with a major studio is inherently, undoubtedly, interesting. And given that the film eventually received generally positive reviews, you can go ahead and color me curious.

Rhythm Thief and the Emperor’s Treasure
Jesus, why would Sega release this one week after the much more alluring Theatrythum: Final Fantasy?! Say what you will about it being amazing or derivitive, neither my consciousness nor game shelf only have room for ONE $40 rhythm based 3DS game per month.

Blade II
The first Blade lost me somewhere, so all I know about this film is that it doesn’t star Ryan Reynolds and contains wrestling. Which will be immensely important to an upcoming episode of Laser Time! Speaking of which…

No Holds Barred
Quite possibly the best and worst tribute to wrestling and its fans! Shot during the heyday of both Hulkamania and the WWF, this movie has to be seen to be believed. It’s certainly the culmination of the popularity professional wrasslin’ had achieved by the late 80s, but it not only mercilessly mocks its fans by largely portraying them, and the entire business, as a bunch of toothless savages, it actually has the balls to try and SEXUALIZE HULK HOGAN! This film is absolutely hilarious, and unbelievably entertaining for fans of both modern wrestling and unrepentant 80s schlock. Vince McMahon may have been nearing the top of his game, but he was also naive when it came to Hollywood wheelings-and-dealings, which should explain why this was kept locked away in a vault for over two decades. If you had any affection for our “Wrestlin’ Buddies” episode, buy this and give it a watch with friends immediately. It’ll be immensely important to an upcoming discussion…

Summer Stars 2012
What do you do when you spent a buttload of money on developing PlayStation Move games and you want to capitalize on the 2012 London Summer Olympics but don’t own the license? This, apparently…

Spawn
Now here’s a film I’m ready to hate all over again! One of the most badass, no-punch-pullin’ characters in 90s comics, tragically neutered by a PG-13 rating. If you hate John Leguizamo, by all means, watch this and revel in his discomfort as he’s forced to squat inside a miniscule fatsuit in every scene, so as to cackle incessantly in his portrayal of Violator. Todd McFarlane keeps threatening to make a direct “Hard-R” sequel to this film, so it might be worth watching beyond half- ironic shits n’ gigs. Either way, I gotta recommend the somewhat stellar, and far more authentic HBO Spawn animated series.

The Big Bang Theory: The Complete First Season [Blu-ray]
Ahh… perhaps the most universally enjoyed, accurate portrayal of modern nerdery to ever exist. We brought up the show’s geekly nuiances way back in our Life 101, and the response was neither polarizing or outright mean. Look, I personally have no stake in the show, and I realize it has its fans. So here’s the First and Second seasons on Blu-ray at fairly reasonable prices! Hey, we’re just trying to keep the lights on folks…

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME AMAZON BONUSES – Pre-order and support Laser Time

Listed in order of release date

Gravity Rush 
-FREE Military Costume DLC with pre-order
-FREE 4 Extra Missions, which include 2 Side Missions and 2 Challenge Missions
NCAA Football 13  
-Free Nike Pro Combat premium uniform pack – Amazon exclusive
Silent Hill: Downpour  360  | PS3
–$10 in-store credit
Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy
-FREE gripped stylus and 17 stickers with pre-order
Kingdom Hearts 3D Dream Drop Distance 
-FREE AR cards that unlock exclusive in-game Dream Eater with pre-order
Persona 4 Arena  *NEW*
-FREE Persona 4 Arena Arranged Soundtrack based on the music of Shoji Meguro
The Last Story   *NEW*
-Pre-order and receive a 44-page softcover Art Book in a special custom case
Sleeping Dogs  360  |  PS3
-FREE Martial Arts Pack, with Shaolin Showdown mission, Shaolin Warrior outfit (with increased striking damage), Bonus Triad XP points, and Wing Chun decoration for your safe house with pre-order
Madden 13
-Free  Andrew Luck Future Stars Draft Pick Madden Ultimate Team Card for immediate use in Madden 12
Far Cry 3  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order and receive Amazon-exclusive Warrior Pack.
Tekken Tag Tournament 2  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order for early access to two DLC characters, Angel and Michelle Chang plus the bonus Snoop Dogg stage
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order for Bruticus (G2) to use in Single Player mode
Borderlands 2  360  |  PS3  |  PC
-$10 in-store credit
Dead or Alive 5  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order for a set of three ‘DOA Devils’ black bunny swimsuits for Christie, Tina, and Ayane
NBA 2K13  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-order for access to NBA All Star Game content including the Sprite Slam Dunk Contest, Three Point Contest, Rising Stars Challenge Game, and the NBA All Star Game
Dishonored  360  |  PS3  *NEW*
-Pre-Order for exclusive Backstreet Butcher Pack which includes Bone Charm bonuses for Fencer, Fire Water, and Blast Resistant plus an in-game Wolfhound Statue
Resident Evil 6  360  |  PS3
-Pre-order for FREE Exclusive Mercenaries stage – The High Seas Fortress 
Assassin’s Creed III  360  |  PS3  
-EXCLUSIVE: FREE Steelbook Case upgrade with art by Alex Ross
Hitman: Absolution  360  |  PS3  -FREE Bartoli Custom Pistol, with built-in, high-spec sight and silencer to give excellent accuracy and an extremely high rate of fire with pre-order

CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS: