Remember the final Mecha-Hitler boss from Wolfenstein 3D? Well combine that with the head jars from Futurama and you’ll have a pretty accurate idea as to what awaits you in Nazis at the Center of the Earth. Throw in some blackface semi-zombie Stormtroopers, a handful of the most stupid geniuses a paradox could withstand and a trough of rohypnol in a room full of Hollywood execs and you’ve got yourself a movie!
NAZIS AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH (2012)
Genre: Action/ Adventure/ Horror
Director: Joseph J. Lawson
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A group of doctors at a research base in Antarctica are researching things for research purposes in the name of research. Out in the snowy wastes, two of the doctors stumble upon a Nazi relic buried under a scant few millimetres of powder that, nevertheless, took a 12-foot drill to find.
They’re saved from having to expend further brain power on their next course of action when they’re whisked away by group of masked Nazis. Have they been strung upside down in an icy cave somewhere awaiting rescue? Who knows?
Back at the base everyone sets out to search for the missing party members leaving Dr. Sod All, aka no one, behind to maintain radio contact in case the shit hits the fan and they need back up. After all, who needs firepower or survival skills when you’ve got a big ol’ brain to watch out for you? Shortly after departing the realm of common sense, they walk straight into a swastika shaped trap with no hope of escape.
Dr. Blatantly the Bad Guy has traded them off to the Nazis who are living in an underground jungle facility that happens to be nowhere near the centre of the Earth. Dr. Jew is the first to be killed because it turns out the Nazis are still a bunch of intolerant arse holes.
And as for the missing scientists? One has had his face ripped off and stuck onto the nearest decomposing stormtrooper and the other one defected to save her skin – literally. Dr. Bad Guy has been supplying the Nazis with fresh faces from the surface to replenish their withering organs and body parts in exchange for not being killed because clearly alerting the authorities topside didn’t seem like a viable alternative at any point.
The Nazis have been beavering away for years since the end of the war making advances in various technological fields and trying to get a mysterious bell shaped machine to work. The scientists are allowed to live on the proviso that they assist the Nazis with their research and help them fend off zombification.
This deal is quickly taken off the table when Dr. Bad Guy’s girlfriend rats out one of her fellow inmates for conspiring to escape. This comes back to bite her in nether regions when she reveals she’s pregnant and has her baby sucked out to facilitate the stem cells needed to boot up the Hitler machine.
And so comes the big reveal – Hitler’s head has been popped into a jar and stuck on top of a giant mech inside of a gargantuan Nazi flying saucer that is carrying flesh-eating bacteria bombs to drop onto all ‘non-Aryan’ races.
How a severed head that has had no awareness of political or social goings on in the world since the 1940s is able to make an accurate evaluation on what meets that criteria whilst whizzing about through the clouds is anyone’s guess. Will the scientists be able to save the world and themselves? Find out in Nazis at the Center of the Earth.
We dare you to buy Nazis at the Center of the Earth on DVD!
Author Gamer Girl writes for FrontTowardsGamer.com and GamerGirlTalk.com. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
Previously in Poison Popcorn: HELL COMES TO FROGTOWN! See previous Poison Popcorns right fucking here!