Oscar Off-Key #4: Stars of Tomorrow!

oscar stars of tomorrow

This week, leading up the Oscars, we look back on some of the worst production numbers of Oscar shows past. Now, 1989’s allegedly hot young stars are forced to dance for your amusement.

1989 was a bad year for the Oscars show. It was long and overproduced and heavy on musical numbers that went on forever. The infamous Snow White opening (which we’ll see tomorrow) was so bad I guess everyone was shell-shocked when this number rolled around, because people remember Snow White singing with Rob Lowe, but no one remembers this number, and damn it, they should. It should be a cautionary tale told to children everywhere. Because it is the worst. thing. ever.

Introduced by Bob Hope and Lucille Ball, in what would be her final public appearance, it brings together 19 of 1989’s hottest young stars (except they’re usually neither) to prove they have old-school song and dance skills for over 9 agonizing minutes. Just when you think it’s over, it starts up again. It’s the recurrent Hep C of entertainment.

One of them, Savion Glover, an actual professional dancer, walks away unscathed. Chad Lowe…not so much. Mama Lowe must have been so proud. Both her boys – on the Oscars! Oh, the shame of it all.

So who are the best and brightest of 24 years ago? Let’s just say the list of people you’ll recognize is short. Jan from “The Office.” Patrick Dempsey gets a solo soft-shoe routine that is charming in how much it sucks. Ricki Lake was still fat. Christian Slater is barely visible sword fighting. Corey Feldman was deep into his Michael Jackson phase. The rest…well, I’ve found scant evidence D.A. Pawley is even a real person. Most have famous parents. That qualifies you to be Miss Golden Globe, not to do a kickline in front of 1 billion people.

Check out a detailed where-are-they-now and more at NotWithoutMyHandbag.com

4 thoughts on “Oscar Off-Key #4: Stars of Tomorrow!

  1. Wow, on top of being never ending that was just horribly arrogant, a nine minute song and dance about all the Oscars you’re going to win, really? I’d be really curious to see how many, if any, went on to win one.

    1. None. None of them have won anything except Savion Glover, who’s won some Tonys because, again, he’s actually talented.

      If any of them made a mark, it’s been in TV. Chad Lowe won a guest-spot Emmy on “Life Goes On.” Patrick Dempsey’s been nominated for a TV Golden Globe. Ricki Lake won some Daytime Emmys.

      I don’t think any of them have been even invited to the Oscars ever since.

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