Wreck-it Ralph, Tomb Raider and EVERY FREDDY MOVIE lead up this week’s bestest Amazon deals! Oh, and we’re giving away a $20 Amazon gift card…
Look at all this STUFF! Surely you can find something you like in the new releases, upcoming videogame pre-order bonuses and Cape Crisis comic book recommendations, no? Well, even if you don, we still encourage you to use any of those links below or on the right-hand side bar to enter Amazon and buy whatever you want. You don’t have to buy the specific item in the link, just browse Amazon like normal in the same visit and you’ll kick back a meager commission to Laser Time that helps keep the lights on. And that goes double for you skinflints who haven’t ever Donated and/or purchased a Laser Time tshirt! As a gift to you, we’ll give one lucky commenter below a FREE $20 Amazon gift card good for pretty much everything in the world. UR WELCUM!
It’s like a city, but simulated. Okay, I won’t lie, I’m super excited about this. As one of the few games my hoighty-toity, educationally minded parents would buy for me. I spent copious hours building and destroying haphazard metropolises, I feel like a goddamned super villain. That’s not an exaggeration, come to think. I would often build myself into a budgetless corner, then let the city burn to the ground (by leaving the game on while I slept) and then rebuild holy fucking empires from the ashes like a member of the League of Shadow! Oh… sorry. I know nothing about this, but Tyler talks about it plenty on this week’s episode of Vidjagame Apocalypse!
Holy hell, am I the only one who didn’t think this would rule so goddamned hard? As an animation dork, I have more than enough reason to be skeptical of any of Disney’s output that doesn’t come with a Pixar logo. Just when the references and cameos seen in the marketing were starting to come off as pandering, thank The Good Lord, I went and saw the movie anyway. Damned if Rich Moore didn’t damn near pull off videogaming’s answer to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?! I shouldn’t have been so surprised. Watching the trailer again, I noted the cast slammed into my face with giant CG font. All incredibly gifted comic actors, all given above-the-title treatment. And rightly so, because casting appropriately is truly Pixar-esque. Sure, it’s got a great eye for nerdy detail, but I’m over-my-head happy that the films didn’t try and subsist on Sonic cameos alone.
Nightmare on Elm Street Collection [Blu-ray]
Oooooh shit! What a colossal treat! God damn, I love these movies as a kid. I’m glad we no longer have to talk about which one’s are good (Dream Warriors, BTW) and which ones suck (Freddy’s Dead is outrageously retarded). The franchise now stands proudly as a whole, my generation’s equivalent to Looney Tunes, and by that I mean an acceptable premise used as a springboard to display outlandish gags of violent glory. Even New Nighmare was Charlie Kaufman-esque before the world knew who he was! Better still, I held out on that standard-def set forever because it rarely dropped below $100. This sets set a steal at half the price
Naruto Shippuden: Ultimate Ninja Storm 3
Ho boy, haven’t had to write about a Naruto game in some time… Let’s see if I still got it. Ahem, “Here’s another adequately handled helping of over-the-top fan service, with added minigames, modes, and an updated storyline concurrent with episodes airing in the US.” How’d I do?! Oh, there’s also something Nine Tailed Fox related on 3DS, too
Fucks sake, does this movie have stink written all over it. The original Red Dawn is an astounding triumph of a film, but yes, only when viewed ironically, as a competent action film that’s not afraid to prey on feebl-minded fears and kill children in the name of spreading its message of Cold War xenophobia. It’s hilarious, and we can have it to thank for the PG-13 rating, which has been allowing unaccompanied minors to see brief glimpses of boobies and single-serving “fucks” for almost three decades. The remake has no reason to exist. I believe it was delayed to be retrofitted with a North Korean enemy to better mirror news headlines, postponed again due to MGM’s bankruptcy, then shelved a little longer for being terrible. Seriously, LOOK HOW YOUNG THOR LOOKS!
Tomb Raider 360 | PS3
So very, very happy about the critical reception this game is getting. Tomb Raiders contribution to 3D gaming during the PlayStation Generation cannot be overstated. But the once eagerly anticipated sequels became annualized, the fanfare dwindled into laughter and revulsion. Tomb Raider as a franchise was a joke for so long, most people haven’t bothered to notice that the iterations for PS360 have been pretty damned stellar. That’s of course thanks to Crystal Dynamics, who, by all accounts, have rebooted Lara with astonishing flare. I was a little wary of the Uncharted-esque, quicktimey gameplay people were praising in previews, but apparently, the meat of the game is even better.
YES! Fuck everything else this week, I’m grabbing an armful of lube and enjoying acres of luscious milk mountains through the substantially dimmed glow of my 3D shades. You’re right, that’s an easy joke, and I probably shouldn’t have bothered. In terms of funny, there is nothing more hilarious than envisioning some poor dipshit jerking off to this on a laptop while wearing polarized glasses. If you’re going to be that guy, please tweet a picture to Laser Time!
Castlevania: Lords of Shadow 2
Man, early reports on this are a bit tragic. While I can admit the decision to release a sequel to a PS360 game on an under powered portable is a baffling one, I for one was excited as shit to play a straight-up handheld Castlevania. But it looks as if this 3DS game is undid a bit of goodwill brought upon by the fantastic Lords of Shadow, at least with several trusted critics. This is one of those buying decisions where I’ll on listen to the advice of three or four people I know personally. Fingers crossed…
Take me out to the ballgame! Take me out to the crowd! Crack the bat with the latest entry in MLB 2K series! The bases are loaded and YOU are the ammo! Updated with a new roster and enhanced features, only MLB 2K13 offers this year’s definitive Major League Baseball experience!
MLB 13 The Show
Take me out to the ballgame! Take me out to the crowd! Crack the bat with the latest entry in MLB The Show series! The bases are loaded and YOU are the ammo! Updated with a new roster and enhanced features, only MLB 13 The Show offers this year’s definitive Major League Baseball experience!
The Marine 3: Homefront
Awww, that’s so sweet. John Cena’s grown out of his own franchise, but he let his buddy Miz take up the mantle of a marine who probably kills things. Please don’t assume I’ve seen The Marine 1 or 2, but I really hope to see a third-world dictator get suplexed. If high fiction ain’t your thing, then wrasslin’ fans may want to check out the Brett Hart DVD that also came out this week.
PRE-ORDER UPCOMING GAMES AND SUPPORT LASER TIME
-Pre-order for access to Industrial Revolution, the Infinite themed, flash-based puzzle game
God of War Ascension
–Pre-order and receive the Mythological Heroes Multiplayer Pack FREE as well as $10 promotional credit
Tomb Raider 360 | PS3
– Pre-order for the Amazon exclusive Final Hours Edition, which includes an art book, an in-game skin for Lara, and a digital copy of Geoff Keighley’s “The Final Hours of Tomb Raider” for the Kindle Fire
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm
– Pre-order and get beta access
Defiance 360 | PS3
-and get a Beta invite plus an Amazon-Exclusive Weapon The Plague Bringer Sniper Rifle
The Last of Us
– Pre-order and receive the Sights and Sounds Pack
Gears of War: Judgment
-Pre-order for the Classic Hammerburst weapon and the Amazon-exclusive ‘Young Dom’ character skin for multiplayer
Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate
-Pre-order the Wii U and 3DS version and save $20
The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct 360 | PS3
-Pre-order for Amazon exclusive “Walker Execution Pack”, which adds multiple melee options to your arsenal, including a knife, kukri, hatchet, and machete.
Army of Two The Devil’s Cartel
-Pre-oder and receive $20 in-store Amazon cash
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoners: Soul Hacker
-Pre-order and receive the Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers Arranged Sountrack.
Injustice: Gods Among Us 360 | PS3 | Wii U
-Pre-order for $10 Amazon in-store credit
-Pre-order and receive the Elite Officer Pack, which includes the Stealth Pack – Kirk and Spock stealth uniforms, plus the Starfleet Type IV Stealth Sniper Rifle and extra ammo; the Brawler Pack – Kirk leather jacket costume and Spock Vulcan Science Academy uniform; the Kelvin Pack – Kirk and Spock USS Kelvin uniforms, plus USS Kelvin Hand Phaser; the Academy Pack – Kirk Academy Uniform, Spock Officer Dress Uniform, plus Academy Phaser; and the Kobayashi Maru Pack – Kirk and Spock Kobayashi Maru uniforms
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Blacklist 360 | PS3
– Receive the Upper Echelon Pack, which includes the Gold Glowing Goggles, the Upper Echelon Suit, and the Aral Sea Co-op Mission
CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS: