Laser Time – Watching the Unwatchable

Worse than bad. The most unspeakable, cripplingly depressing entertainment ever made. We don’t recommend you watch, but we do recommend you listen…

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36 thoughts on “Laser Time – Watching the Unwatchable

  1. I can never watch Irreversible again, but it has an amazing Thomas Bangalter (Daft Punk) soundtrack and is a fantastic film. I will also never be watching Grown Ups again but for totally different reasons.

  2. The only one I could mention would be Teeth, I did enjoy the film, but would never ever tell anyone to watch it. All the guys are jerks and die accordingly.

  3. Fun fact:
    Willem Dafoe sat in on my brother’s sessions to study for his role in ‘Antichrist’

    This might be the only reason why I’ve seen it more than once

    1. End of Evangelion is hard to watch, but not unwatchable. Megan is Missing… now that is unwatchable. An hour of a half of girls talking to the camera only to show off a brutal raping, a decomposed corpse, and a girl being forced to be buried in a barrel with her decomposed best friend….alive. Even with my powers of the internet, I felt truly disgusted by that movie.

  4. I’m very surprised and disappointed that you guys didn’t even mention “A Serbian Film”

    A lot of the movies you mentioned sounded indeed very disturbing and sick and unwatchable, and still none of them even come close to the stuff I’ve heard happens in that film. The entire thing is just fucked up, from beginning to end.

    1. I completely agree with you. Nothing comes close to what happens in A Serbian Film (Newborn Porn). I’ll never never NEVER watch it again.

      1. The fact that you watched it at all makes me weep for your soul man…

        I mean heck, I feel like if there was an actual hell, I’d have my reservation made already on the sole fact that I’ve heard a thorough synopsis of what happens in that movie >_>;

  5. dear Mikel,
    Grave of the fireflies (while made by studio ghibli) is NOT a Miyazaki movie. it is in fact a movie written and directed by Isao Takahata, co-founder of studio ghibli.
    do I get a wikiparaz correction sound for that?
    or better yet the rarer reverse wikiparaz correction sound?
    X3

  6. Just listening to this was a bit difficult. I don’t know why but just rape in movies like reeeeally just bothers the hell out of me. I’ll never watch any of these I’m sure. @.@

  7. Thanks for helping spare me from any of those movies I hadn’t already seen. The part where Chris looks up depressing stuff made me sad cause those are mostly just good movies that are a sad, not soul crushing like the stuff gone through on the show.

  8. I dare anyone here to sit through Troma’s “Surf Nazi’s Must Die” that movie is so fucking boring and horrible I stopped watching even for the semi-frequent nudie bits.

  9. I find it really funny that Micheal say the Handmade’s Tale caused a controversy in his school.

    In my High School (in Canada I’ll grant you) it was required reading and viewing in my grade 12 english class. Partially because it’s written by Margret Atwood.

  10. Two other films with never-watch-twice levels of depressing bummitude (excuse any minor plot hiccups; I saw these films 20+ years ago and am not about to subject myself to them again just for the sake of total accuracy in a random blog comment):

    – Grave of the Fireflies: two orphaned kids (an adolescent boy and his little sister) in a bleak, bomb-ravaged, just-post-WWII Japanese town are pathetically cute and sad and struggling to survive. Their situation slowly deteriorates to the point where the little sister starves to death and her brother just wanders around not having a clue what’s going to happen to him. He’ll probably die soon too. The End.

    – Miracle Mile: boy meets girl in natural history museum and takes her on a date to the LaBrea Tar Pits. Boy admits in pathos-laden scene that he’s a virgin, and it’s hinted heavily that girl wants to help him over that particular hurdle. Boy takes random phone call from a guy screaming that nuclear Armageddon is about to be unleashed. Guy on phone suddenly starts screaming at someone other than boy, shots ring out, and a different guy tells boy to forget everything dead guy just told him. But, of course, dead guy had the straight dope, because nuclear Armageddon *is* unleashed, and we get to watch the population of Los Angeles flounder and trample each other in acute panic as they try to leave, and those who can’t leave are killed in horrible ways, all caught on camera. Boy and girl are airlifted outta there, which cruelly raises one’s hopes that there might be some means of escape, but no, NO ONE HERE GETS OUT ALIVE, the pilot decides to ditch the aircraft in the La Brea Tar Pits rather than suffer an agonizing post-apocalyptic existence, and everybody on board is really happy with that because they don’t want to live in post-armageddon hell either and that’s all that’s left anywhere. Craft sinks beneath the tar as everyone smiles lovingly at each other. The End.

  11. I find it funny that during this whole episode, though at every turn it was said “I don’t recommend anyone to watch this”, I began running searches on every film that was mentioned. Funny enough though, since I’m a horror film aficionado, I’m familiar with a few of the previously mentioned. I’ve seen Matyrs, Audition, and Funny Games. I’ve also seen other films, and film series, that have disgusted and depressed me. One show is Now and Then, Here and There. It’s an anime where a normal boy is transported to a hostile world with topics of the r word, abortion, and youth military. I also remember films such as Vile, Them, The Last House on the Left(original), Gummo, and Seed(one of the better Uwe Boll movies). Obviously, now that this podcast has peaked my interest, I guess I’m going to be grossed out on some other things in the near future……meh, it’s a living.

  12. Jaws unleashed I remember beings scary because I was afraid to go into the open ocean where the sea floor drops off. I don’t even know if you could go past that but I was afraid of whales and giant squid or something… And I was the freaking shark!!!

  13. Fuck you guys, Echo is fucking terrifying, even the original Genesis game scares the shit out of me. The depressing setting, the creepy music, the underwater exploration with random giant sea creatures popping out of nowhere, Christ that game still creeps me out today..

  14. I remember watching Three Stooges as a kid with my dad and I asked him why Curly died young. Dad told me Curly drank too much coffee.

    🙁

  15. I never want to watch Sofia Coppola’s “Somewhere” again. Does that count? Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

  16. Damnit, now that I know that these movies exist, I wanna watch them. Also, Plague Dogs would be my contribution to this. That movie is fucking BLEAK.

  17. Oh god, Martyrs. Thank you Grimm for mentioning that one. It was an absolutely horrible film, but the best part for me was at the end. They shot it in Quebec, which is also where they shoot Just For Laughs Gags. And one of the extras in that final scene is a regular on the Gags show. I laughed when he showed up on screen because I was desperately hoping it would turn out to be one enormous joke. Which is kind of was anyway, but not in a fun way.

  18. Here’s a good film to make you cry a lot.

    Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father.

    Fuck.

    Just straight up fuck.

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