Who Framed the Best New Releases of the Week?!

New games, kickass comics, upcoming pre-order bonuses, THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME finally comes to Blu-ray and your chance to WIN A $20 AMAZON GIFT CARD…

What a week, kids! Tons of bitchin’ new media, plus a chance for you to win a $20 Amazon gift card. If you don’t know the drill here, Laser Time depends on support from its audience. You can Donate via Paypal, buy a Tshirt from our store, or (and this is super easy) shop for what you want on Amazon by clickin our links below or in the right hand sidebar. You don’t need to buy the specific item in the link, but as long as you enter Amazon through one of Laser Time’s links, shop for whatever you want, and purchase in the same visit, Laser Time gets a tiny commission to help keep the wheels turning. To thank you for your support, we give one commenter below a free $20 Amazon gift card, so start scrollin’!

God of War: Ascension
Damn, looks as if Kratos is getting more prequels than Star Wars and Super Metroid combined. I’m joking a bit, but the series is quickly approaching having more offshoots than “main games” in the holy trilogy. But, so what! I’ve never played a God of War game that wasn’t interesting. Even though I always approach Kratos as a slightly silly character, every needlessly bloody combo brings out a childlike sense of awe I don’t get in a lot of other games. At a glance, it looks as if reviewers are reporting the newly added multiplayer “ain’t nothin’ speshul,” but the main campaign is as meaty as it ever was. Also available in a pretty cool Collector’s Edition!

Life of Pi
Haven’t seen this yet, but I certainly will based on Mikel and Diana’s recommendation on Laser Time’s Oscar episode. According to them, it’s pretty goddamned great, is actually enhanced by 3D, and causes one to think about life, existence and God? Hey, you can only watch Dark Knight Rises so many times.

StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm
Jesus, didn’t the precursor game to this come out like 10 years ago? Whatever, the Zerg finally gets their campaign with StarCraft II, and Good God, I hope there’s no online-only DRM like that other recently released game. You saw how that negatively affected New Super Mario Wii U, right? (Apologies, I’m a bit out of the loop.) Question: Do any of you buy PC games on Amazon? Well, if so, here’s a premium Collector’s Edition.

I have absolutely no idea whether or not this movie holds up, but I can’t help but love it so! Warwick Davis and Val Kilmer fucking kill it! Seems to me people might be used to getting high-budget fantasy fair in this day and age, but I’ll never be able to shake how caught up I was in Willow’s marketing and release. I was too young to genuinely recognize the importance of the Star Wars movies upon their initial release (one of which came out beore I was alive), but George Lucas had something else up his sleeve, and kids like me ate that shit up (alongside a color-changing cup from Wendy’s, naturally.) Can’t wait to replace my Standard-Def DVD, because that thing has the worst cover I’ve ever seen.

Sniper: Ghost Warrior 2
YAY! Another installment of Call of Duty for poor people. Are you the guy in your squad who hides the whole time and racks up a good kill ratio? You know, a coward. Great! This game was tailor made for the for the craven among you, those generous heroes willing to sit back and let their team do all the work while they pick off unaware soldiers (with families) hundreds of yards away from the battlefield.

Rise of the Guardians
Is this the one about the mythical Holiday mascots or the super owls? Odds are your kids won’t be able to tell the difference either, so why shouldn’t you continue to partake in the low standard set by Dreamworks?! If this thing does well, who knows, the animators might even get paid eventually!


Mulan (and Mulan II)
I was going though an anti-Disney phase when this one came out, so I’m not at liberty to speak on Mulan (nor it’s undoubtedly necessary sequel.) Wait, did I say “anti-Disney” because that can’t possibly be true. But this film came came out during a period in my life when I was more concerned with pussy than Peter Pan.  So, no: I do not hate Mulan. I do however hate women and Asians, so I can’t imagine I want spend more time with this film than I already have in Kingdom Hearts.

Also out this week, Hunchback of Notre Dame, which, THANK GOD, also comes packed in with an unforgettable sequel

Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Okay: Imagine something you love. Games, comics, music. You got it? Now try and think what it’d look like if the leaders of that field put company interests aside and got together to make a magnificent product. Happens all the time, you say? Now ask yourself honestly… was it really any good? Did it come together to create a whole greater than the sum of its parts, yet still reflected well on all the ingredients. For bonus points, imagine it was allowed to exist forever and never disappear due to legal issues. Yeah, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? stars competing cartoon juggernauts like Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, Dumbo, Betty Boop, Woody Woodpecker, etc., back when the were still very much in the public eye, but the movie isn’t even about them. Roger Rabbit, and the movie’s other original creations (Jessica, the Weasels, Baby Herman) stand perfectly on their own as amazingly well designed characters and remain 100% believable standing next to the characters and in the period that inspired them. They still stand out today.

The Greatest Thing That’s Ever Happened

There isn’t enough praise to heap upon this movie. You shouldn’t have to be a drooling animation nerd to appreciate Who Framed Roger Rabbit (but it sure as shit doesn’t hurt.) Like the cartoon characters of the 1940s, it proudly aims to appeal to all audiences – cursing, booze, sex and all. It’s probably the “raunchiest” thing Disney and Looney Tunes characters have ever appeared in officially. It’s a fucking great noir film! Not to rag on CG, watch it a second time just to ask yourself “HOW THE FUCK DID THEY DO THIS?!” The mind reels when you attempt to think about how Zemeckis and company pulled off the practical effects with little more than ink and paint, and it really makes miss the days when the “behind the scenes” were just as interesting as the movie being made. This is my favorite movie of all time. Just fucking buy it.


BioShock Infinite
-Pre-order for access to Industrial Revolution, the Infinite themed, flash-based puzzle game
God of War Ascension
Pre-order and receive the Mythological Heroes Multiplayer Pack FREE as well as $10 promotional credit
StarCraft II: Heart of the Swarm
– Pre-order and get beta access
Defiance   360  |  PS3
-and get a Beta invite plus an Amazon-Exclusive Weapon The Plague Bringer Sniper Rifle
The Last of Us
– Pre-order and receive the Sights and Sounds Pack
Gears of War: Judgment
-Pre-order for the Classic Hammerburst weapon and the Amazon-exclusive ‘Young Dom’ character skin for multiplayer
Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate
-Pre-order the Wii U and 3DS version and save $20
The Walking Dead: Survival Instinct  360  |  PS3
-Pre-order for Amazon exclusive “Walker Execution Pack”, which adds multiple melee options to your arsenal, including a knife, kukri, hatchet, and machete.
Army of Two The Devil’s Cartel
-Pre-oder and receive $20 in-store Amazon cash
Soul Sacrifice  *NEW*
-Pre-order for exclusive bundle that includes two costumes to customize your character and Spirits’ Flamepike, Blightstone, and Fulgurwood magic items and Japanese voiceover pack.
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoners: Soul Hacker
-Pre-order and receive the Devil Summoner: Soul Hackers Arranged Sountrack.
Injustice: Gods Among Us  360  |  PS3  |  Wii U
-Pre-order for $10 Amazon in-store credit
Star Trek
-Pre-order and receive the Elite Officer Pack, which includes the Stealth Pack – Kirk and Spock stealth uniforms, plus the Starfleet Type IV Stealth Sniper Rifle and extra ammo; the Brawler Pack – Kirk leather jacket costume and Spock Vulcan Science Academy uniform; the Kelvin Pack – Kirk and Spock USS Kelvin uniforms, plus USS Kelvin Hand Phaser; the Academy Pack – Kirk Academy Uniform, Spock Officer Dress Uniform, plus Academy Phaser; and the Kobayashi Maru Pack – Kirk and Spock Kobayashi Maru uniforms
Dead Island Riptide Special Edition  360  |  PS3   *NEW*
-Pre-order for the Special Edition plus a Limited Edition Steelbook for free. Special edition content will include BBQ Blade Weapon Mod, XP/Stats Booster and Shop Discount, plus Alternate Character Skins and a Digital Strategy Map
Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Blacklist  360  |  PS3
– Receive the Upper Echelon Pack, which includes the Gold Glowing Goggles, the Upper Echelon Suit, and the Aral Sea Co-op Mission






38 thoughts on “Who Framed the Best New Releases of the Week?!

  1. I’m confused, did you or didn’t you watch the original Mulan? Does this mean you didn’t see Tarzan either? If not, I’d say you’re missing out. plus, Hunchback has an awesome soundtrack.

    1. And Tarzan, has Phil Colins!. Sorry it’s like a tick that I have to have those two mentioned in the same breath every time, like a reverse Rorshack test.

  2. The only pre-orders I am interested in are Bioshock, Injustice and Dead Island. Light load for me I guess.

  3. “I do not hate Mulan. I do however hate women and Asians, so I can’t imagine I want spend more time with this film than I already have in Kingdom Hearts.” -Funniest thing I’ve read all week.

  4. You forgot to mention The Hobbit is out for digital download this week too. Contemplating Roger Rabbit now, have a $20 credit from my Simcity preorder that I can use, whoohoo

  5. Need to get Roger Rabit Blu Ray, and more comics. I always need more comics ever since Cape Crisis got me hooked on them. Not to mention the Mario RPG episode of VGMpire kinda made me want to play Brower’s Inside Story.

  6. Tarzan is either amazing or awful depending if you enjoy Phil Collins… Also Chris, if you have a way to trick Amazon into letting us Canadians support you with our Northern Amazon, let us know!

  7. I missed rise of the guardians in theaters and i really regret that after hearing such amazing things about it.

  8. Way ahead of you this week- I already had preordered Hunchback of Notre Dame. I’ve been waiting for that Blu-Ray forever!

    I really should pick up Who Framed Roger Rabbit… But I’ve already purchased Wreck-It-Ralph and Hunchback this month, and I also have a Bioshock Infinite Premium Edition to pay for… But Roger Rabbit!

  9. I used to own a VHS of Roger Rabbit when I was really young. It broke or something and I still remember nothing about that movie. I guess I need to see it again…

  10. I can’t believe Chris missed a Disney release, but I didn’t see Brother Bear and the sequel up there.

    What a fucking week this is so much good old stuff, I already grabbed Roger Rabbit but those Disney movies and Willow man this is gonna hurt my bank account.

  11. How dare you not include Smashed on Blu-Ray/DVD Chris!!! It’s a movie about an alcoholic couple with Aaron Paul, Mary Elizabeth Winstead (AKA RAMONA FUCKING FLOWERS), Nick Offerman and Megan Mullally. Also it didn’t get it’s fair shake in theatres. What gives man!

  12. That Roger Rabbit description could have been it’s own article it was so good. I’m super tempted to pick it up and watch it over and over again.

  13. I’m interested in Monster Hunter, but I’m afraid that the ad hoc online will be lost on me in the middle of Ohio

  14. Lotta cool stuff coming soon, but I just spent hundreds of bucks at a local Comic-Con, so I gotta ease off for a bit… At least I’m finally in the New 52 loop 😀

  15. All I want in life is for someone to take me home and make me a carrot cake. 😛 Smile, darn ya, smile. 😀

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