Roger Moore doesn’t usually come to mind when weeding out the best Bond over the last 50 years. Sure, he’s a world away from Fleming’s vision, almost straying into comedy territory with his portrayal and these days it’s all about the dark, gritty reboots. But sometimes you need a hero that can appreciate just how bloody silly something is and is still happy to go along for the ride. Moore does just that and then some; a jovial sociopath verbally violating dying men with quips and puns, carrying out his patriotic duty with a seemingly constant erection stowed down his pants. Here’s 7 reasons why Roger rocked the tux.
1) He was Bond before he was Bond…
Even before he was cast in the role of the tuxedo-swathed Commander Bond, Moore was already flexing his eyebrows, honing his repertoire of bad jokes and generally hamming it up ten whole years before his silver screen debut in a comedy skit on the British TV show Mainly Milicent. Hell, take out the tittering audience and you’ve pretty much got the template for his entire run as everyone’s favourite superspy.
2) He has the best arch enemies
The Roger Moore run of Bond movies play host to some of the best Bond villains in the entire series and only the campiest of secret agents could take on this bizarre medley of whack jobs and still pull off a credible performance. Here are just a few:
Francisco Scaramanga in The Man with the Golden Gun. Three nipples, two sandwiches short of a picnic and one ridiculously impractical flat pack golden gun are just some of the highlights of this assassin-for-hire. Aside from the fact that it’s Christopher Count fucking Dracula Lee, he has his own henchmen try to assassinate him every now and then for kicks and keeps a dummy James Bond in his underground funhouse to practice his French kissing technique. Probably.
Jaws in The Spy who Loved Me and Moonraker. An indestructible giant with steel dentures and a penchant for biting anything at hand, be it vegetable, mineral or Bond.
Other kooky candidates include Nick Nack, Scaramanga’s right hand and heir who is ultimately thwarted by being stuffed into a suitcase; Baron Samedi,an immortal Voodoo god who nevertheless needs a robotic decoy to take a bullet in his place; May Day, a woman that oozes 80’s androgyny whilst casually bench-pressing men in her spare time; and Dr. Kananga, who harbours a split personality disorder that apparently includes Micheal Jackson circa the 90s and meets his demise when Bond shoves compressed air pellet down his gullet resulting in one of the most hilarious on-screen deaths ever.
3) He’s the perviest Bond by a mile.
Moore’s Bond is the happiest to casually abuse his position and the tools at his disposal just to get laid. And the best part? He truly doesn’t give a fuck.
Despite being on the payroll of Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Moore’s Bond is happy to receive payment for his specialty services in sexual favours from a desperate Andrea Anders in The Man with the Golden Gun and the sticky cherry on this gooey cake of depravity? He stuffs a co-worker he was seconds away from porking into a cupboard while he does the deed.
In Live and Let Die, he pulls out all the stops to seduce a young virgin, knowing full well that the minute they utter “Lahium!” over the breaking of her hymen, she’ll lose her tarot superpowers and become useless to the religiously superstitious Dr. Kananaga. After relentlessly chipping away at her resolve like a horny woodpecker, he finally gets his way by turning her tarot cards against her using a trick deck. Before you watch the video, just consider the practicalities of this little stunt; Bond would have to locate a shop that stocks the exact tarot deck Solitaire uses, buy approximately 80 packs, sift through each for the Lovers card, construct his trick deck and slide a couple of random cards on top before showing up in her room to cinch the deal. There is nothing this guy won’t do for a little poontang.
So far Roger Moore has holds the record for sticking his tongue down the most Bond girls’ throats with a tally of 20. That’s commitment to the job.
4) Amazing stunts
The Moore movies have had some of the most epic moments in the series. Kananga’s comical death aside, here are just a few of them:
Another Live and Let Die entry, Bond is so badass he uses crocodiles as scaly stepping stones without even breaking a sweat.
No stranger to finding himself in ludricous situations, in Moonraker, Bond is tossed from a plane and has to grapple a foe for his parachute on the way down, enduring a faceful of buttocks in the process.
And who could forget the famous The Union Jack parachute moment from The Spy Who Loved Me.
5) He’s all for equality
Always one to support the feminist movement, Bond does what he can to promote gender equality in the workplace.
6) He doesn’t take himself too seriously
Roger Moore’s Bond persona embraces the lashings of cheese thickly spread over his run in the series creating such absurd moments as the slide whistle car stunt.
The final segment of the Venice boat chase which transcends action movie status and gears up into full blown comedy.
And one of the most farcical characters of the series to date – the redneck Sheriff Pepper.
7) Moobs
Daniel Craig may be rocking a diamond hard six pack but Moore was never afraid to unleash his sagging man boobs for all the world to see. The oldest Bond, Moore came to the role at the ripe age of 42 and was in in his early 60s when he hung up the bowtie, but he never let that stop him from giving us an eyeful of man titties.
So there you have it. Seven reasons why Roger Moore could be considered the best Bond of the last 50 years. Don’t agree…?
Author Gamer Girl is a podcast co-host on FrontTowardsGamer Radio. It is highly recommended you follow her on Twitter.
Previously in Poison Popcorn: Biggles: Advemtures in Time. See previous Poison Popcorns right fucking here!
I haven’t seen a James Bond movie pre-Daniel Craig but you’ve convinced me to watch them, only for the moobs
I love this.
The Timothy Dalton/Daniel Craig school of serious Bond is great, but it misses the over-the-top showmanship of the Sean Connery/Roger Moore movies.
Totally agree and I’m a huge Bond fan.
I did enjoy this article, but I think a better title would be “7 Reasons Why Roger Moore Wasn’t as Terrible as Everyone Thinks.” His movies were wonderfully over the top and ridiculous, but he was the worst part about them. As an actual Bond, he was a creepy, older parody of the high standard set by Connery.
It started off that way but after watching him in action, I gotta say, ridiculous wins hands down. His movies and his portrayal of Bond are just so bat shit crazy that he’s now my favourite. Plus he doesn’t cry as much as Craig so that’s another point right there.
You are my hero..no one defends Moore..the only Bond not to follow the Connery template and do his own thing. Connery brought the camp from the beginning but Moore gets blamed for it. Moore never tried to pass off as a 6’2 japanese man with his chest hair dyed a bowl cut and a Scottish accent & he never had two camp gay villains & Blofeld dressed in drag. Also I can believe a double taking pigeon & going into space before I believe a hollowed out Volcano.
A very funny article, I really need to start watching the old Bond films.
tl dr
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Sorry, but I’ve never had an interest in the James Bond series. I’ve never even watched a complete film of him. I did however watch every single Austin Powers film…I think my priorities are in the wrong place.
Everyone put’s too much love into Connery… I’d say Moore is my favourite older bond with only Gold Finger beating out a lot of his films.
The transformation of Jaws from a viable threat to a lovebird is still amazing and hilarious to this day.
I got over Connery real quickly. Roger Moore was my response but your reasons are all better than mine. So, your reasons have replaced my reasons.
The first point also applies to Pierce Brosnan, and I think you got -1 point for Point 5 making this actually 6 Reasons (or 5), but fair points. For fun value he’s the best.
You can also add that he was the one to finally kill Blofeld (who is utterly wheelchair-bound incidentally) and the simple fact that he has the most official movies.
Also, Octopussy.
Roger Moore’s movies also had the best title songs. View to a Kill is a terrible movie, but a great song.
I’ve always liked Moore best. He and Pierce Brosnan are more what I think of as James Bond, Connery’s good, Dalton and Craig are too serious. I think Bond should be smooth and quippy, with action happening all over the place.
But the Ian Flemming books had a Bond more like Dalton and Craig. Fun fact about that, Timothy Dalton was offered the role of Bond when he was much younger, but loved the books so much he turned it down saying he first wanted appear the proper age for a bond.
He is my fav Bond. Combine that with this article: case closed 🙂
Peace, you’re right. I liked Moore’s Bond films especially “Live and Let Die” which I used to call it “the Man who Walked on the Backs of the Crocodiles” when I was 6 years old in 1983 asking my father (may Mercy be upon him) to play it in the VCR. You are definitely right.
Roger Moores sense of humor and swagger with the ladies make him the best. It’s all in the cards!
Nobody does it better than Roger Moore …. In 100 years time it’s Rogers bond that people will want to watch. It’s light hearted fantasy fun with bucket loads of charm thrown in. He was simply the best and he enjoyed every second and minute of playing bond unlike some Roger Moore loved playing him. ROGER MOORE IS BOND!!
Connery was the first and most natural fit with the benefit of a strong atmosphere for spy movies (and the gadgets were impressive/fun opposed to now its a serious scifi)
Lazenby only did the one. He was overly British but he did the role well. For me akin to a less fun Moore but the film had the most romantic undertone of any of them. No comment really it worked out.
Moore’s era was the 70’s/80s so the humor,situational humor and lax suaveness all worked out beautifully. He’s my favorite and thats my favorite film era for bond as it still kept the neatness of gadgets and imagination but allowed for fun. Very good ratio. Scifi later made its way in an awful lot but the silly saved the taste.
Dalton- no not really. I don’t take those ones much different than any other action flick at that time.
Brosnan- A huge character shift from Moore. Still had neat gadgets/wonderment. A lot more sci-fi/tech with little of the amusements. Good films but a sign the series was not going to age well.
Craig- more story, and he’s far more adept at playing at an emotional level than predecessors. (helps that its written that way too). I watch them, I like them but no where near as much and its not because of the lead but rather the times. Bonds sort of PC now, MI6 portrayed as an agency in seriousness (no mild mannered mutual quips to boss and ass grabbing), the gadgets are techy not fun, and the modern theme as a whole sucks.
If they could borrow some of the style from connery and moore’s era it could work out even with this “drama”. Might in fact be better but as it stands no no no!
We can argue this one until Daniel Craig retires, and there’s no right answer obviously.
But for me, it’s Moore every time. A few years ago, pre-Craig, EVERYONE stated that Connery was the greatest Bond. It was just the ‘right’ thing to say, so genuine opinion just went out of the window. Amazing though, how many of these people would rather sit down and watch ‘Moore escapism’ on a rainy bank holiday afternoon, than a stilted, dated, slow ’60s Connery offering.
The Moore era, was kind of the pinnacle of the genre. OTT, with, (BY FAR), the best villains ever! And the cheese-ridden, overrated Aston Martin DB5 IS NOT the best car either!
1) The Esprit is, without doubt, a BETTER car. And 2) A car that transforms into a submarine (!!!!!!!!!!), in a graet looking sequence, (“can you swim?………..) WAS the best gadget of all time, end of!
Finally, there are thousands of decent actors who could play the Connery/Dalton/Craig ‘gritty’ bond. There’s one million more that could replace the creations of Lazenby or Brosnan.
But, whether or not, a certain Mr Alan Partridge is a fan, ONLY Roger Moore could have made those seven classic films.
That’s so true. Roger Moore was and is still the Best Bond ever.
His movies are the most entertaining. Roger Moore’s Charisma and personality works best in a movie franchise like the Bond ones.
Many others could and can play the other Bonds but its hard to think of anyone who can replace Roger Moore. No….no one at all. If anyone did try it would have been a complete parody instead of the fine and perfect balance that Roger Moore brings to screen.
Wish there were more movies of him in the series .
Put it this way if Roger Moore didn’t play bond in the 70’8-80’s……..Where would the bond series be………………The 70’S-80’S were a big part of the bond series…Music blossomed..expanded…..The Villans were perfect for the story line…….Roger Moore was cool,calm……..and great women……….When you watch other bonds on a Saturday…when it comes to Roger Moore turn……..The movies were exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To me – Roger Moore defined James Bond. Comparing to all the others he had class, wit, dry understated session of humour, rather than machismo, hairy chest or six packs. And most of all – movies with him had best bad guys, most interesting storyline, twists, memorable oneliners and escapisms, and on ladies he used his charm. Connery was to me was little one-dimensional and the rest – especially Craig whose face seem to be frozen – are unwatchable. RIP 007!!!
Goran