Vidjagame Apocalypse 51 – Olympic Old

VGA51

As athletes compete and hotel rooms disintegrate at the Sochi Olympics, we follow a listener suggestion and take a look back at some of our favorite games about The Games — with the caveat that few of them were ever any good, and we’ve barely played any of them, if at all. (It’s probably funnier that way.) Then there’s some brief talk about Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII, a quick overview of the D.I.C.E. awards, and a long, self-indulgent look at your favorite moments from our first 50 episodes.

Totally Self-Serving Question of the Week

If you could turn an activity from a game into an Olympic event, what would it be, and who would be its star athlete?

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48 thoughts on “Vidjagame Apocalypse 51 – Olympic Old

  1. Olympic Dance Off! Either something familiar from any game with a dance mechanic or we can make it more interesting, to have a brutal outcome like the “dance or die” battle from Brave Fencer Musashi… since I somehow remember that game (I blame TalkRadar).

    Or Chocobo Racing, because someone will to suggest it.

  2. “Game(r)Dad Says, the constant sledding and ‘ya man’ing makes the Jamaican Olympics game feel immature.”

    Also, Prostitute marathon with the star athlete any protagonist from a GTA game or realistically, a hobo who made a bunch of money selling crack.

    1. I was wondering if it was the same guy. Maybe his hatred of tdar inspired him to bring mature discourse to videogame reviewing.

    2. haha! I just thought youd like to know that your comment made my day!!

      TDAR LIVES!!!!!

      QOTW: Dark souls! Cause no one really wins! some guy/girl just gets a little further than the rest : (

  3. Farting.

    I’m serious! As evidenced by Chris’s old classic article “Gaming’s most important farty butts”, farting seems to be a skill mastered and specialized by not just one, but a LOT of gaming characters, so it would be a pretty intense competition. I mean many might consider Shrek to be the given all star of it, (what his his ability to fart and belch literally on command ad infinitum) But Bo Rai’s Cho’s massive, highly flamable farts shouldn’t be discounted either!

  4. Hide and Seek starring “JAAAAAASOOOON!” At the end the athlete gets hit by a suspiciously slow moving car, and his fly distance is recorded. Christ, that was dark. I’m sorry.

    1. I nominate this response to PLEASE be read on the next episode you guys. I’ve never actually played Heavy Rain (I want to but don’t own a PlayStation) but this made me lol.

  5. QOTW: Terrorist Hunt from the Rainbow Six series. A team of specially trained Olympians is put into a specially designed arena with a limited number of bullets and have to work together to kill captured Al Qaeda fighters, also armed with weapons. Medals are awarded based on total kills.

  6. QOTW: Podcast comment section posting for the 20XX Olympic Games. I’m guessing Bladed Falcon would take home some sort of irradiated metal because these games take place post nuclear apocalypse in my mind.

  7. QOTW: The predator challenges from the Batman Arkham series would probably be a great Olympic event. Since the point of those challenges is to take people out in certain ways as fast as possible, it would give Olympians a true challenge, especially if they don’t know what the conditions are before they have to participate in the event. Obviously because it’s Batman based, there is absolutely no killing, just knocking people out and clearing the room.

  8. Destroying a car with a pipe from Final Fight and star athlete would be Mike Haggar. Then who ever wins the gold you hit with a pipe and steal it. “Oh my car!”

  9. Adding a Just Cause acrobatics event would be cool. Each athlete would get a magic grapple and infinite parachutes and there’d be targets scattered around a large area that must be grappled to moving cars or explosive canisters. Points would be based on how annihilated each target is with additional points given for getting to each target in the most complex, elaborate way possible. There could even add helicopters that could be hijacked for more effective destruction of targets.

  10. Track and Field is awesome. Track and Field 2 – not awesome. Except for the Over The Top-inspired arm wrestling game.

  11. The song at at 45:00… I know what that is and I feel terrible that I know…. why am I commenting on it?? Why am I not hiding???

  12. Either the car breaking mini game from Street Fighter 2 or the test your might stone breaking mini game from Mortal Kombat. It is mostly to see the athletes hurt themselves. The stone progression is already there, but for the cars they can go from something like a SmartCar and ending with a Volvo. The care companies get free press, everyone wins.

  13. The blowing on NES “tapes” until they work competitions. You can have different categories, the 5, 10 and 15 tapes competitions, also a indurance 25 tapes. All PED’s are allowed.

  14. QOTW: I would make “Stacking crates on top of each other” from GTAV into an Olympic event. As far as its star athlete, why Trevor of course. Who else? By the way, thank you Anne for giving me an awesome new name to use.

  15. I….I can’t think of a game but I’ll go with Tom Nook from Animal Crossing. The game is basically to chisel the most amount of money out of everyone in the area. You get points for being more aggressive and blunt but if they find out you’re one of the participants then you get kicked out. Bonus points if you can somehow convince medal winners to hand over their medals to you.

  16. QOTW: I would make “Stacking crates on top of each other from GTAV into an Olympic event. As for its star athlete, why Trevor of course. Who else? By the way, thank you Anne for giving me this awesome new name to use.

  17. My answer to the question of the week is two-fold because my initial answer is pretty simple:

    Pokémon battles. I want to see Pokémon battles at the Olympics. I haven’t actually played Pokémon in a long time but I think that aside from Final Fantasy VII random battles (FML) it’s probably the thing I’ve spent the most time doing in a game plus I actually enjoy it a lot.

    My secondary answer, though, would be solving puzzles with a portal gun. Especially some of the puzzles from the first game. The combination of timing, acrobatics and focus would probably make the perfect Olympic sport. There is a puzzle in the first game that actually has two possible solutions; one requires you to go get a Weighted Storage Cube and then navigate a series of obstacles to place it on a button to lower the platform near the exit. The other is to make a very precise long fall while taking care to be facing a certain direction while placing your portals. Cooperative puzzle solving could be a good Olympic even too, but mainly only for lolz. Plus if you take away the long-fall boots, portals would make for some pretty spectacular failures.

    P.S. I love you all but especially Anne.

    1. Oh shit oops I forgot the star athlete! For the Pokémon battles it would be Jessica Nigri because, well, reasons…. For the portal puzzles the star athlete, from New Zealand at least, would have to be me because I own two copies of Portal 2, three copies of the original Portal and have beaten them both at least ten times each. So there.

  18. QOTW:

    That thing in recent GTA games where you get launched through the front window of your car and fly through the air wheb you hit a tree (or whatever) at high speeds. In the Olympics version, they compete for both distance and number of bounces.

  19. Locking the most players out of a game through badly implemented DRM.

    The star athlete would be the next company to release a long awaited game with mandatory online verifications. So most likely EA will be a major competitor each year, while companies like Blizzard and Ubisoft will pop up from time to time, only to learn from their mistakes and disappear from the field for several years.

  20. Cart Riding. It’d be a lot like slalom skiing, in that you’re playing against the course and trying not to collide with obstacles but still making the fastest time in the group. It would pretty much exclusively be a contest between Scrooge McDuck and Donkey Kong, though.

  21. Each team has ten minutes to cram a jeep as far as they can down a series of corridors that are technically smaller than the jeep itself.

    My favorite pastime in Halo.

  22. Probably going to catch some flak for this, but COD: Zombies would make a great olympic event. Every 4 years the host country designs a level in their most run down part of town, and two “athletes” have to survive wave after wave of “zombies” which would just be convicts amped up on a mix of bath salts, steroids, and PCP.

  23. QOTW: Half Wall Hurdles. A major challenge since most video game characters, (mostly highly trained military personnel) can’t step over a rock. Conversely, Ceiling Grab Challenges for all those double, and triple jumping characters.

  24. Marathon Mario party on every platform from start to finish with current and previous world leaders as the active participants.

    Having Barack Obama going head to head with Vladimir Putin
    on rotating the N64 controller joystick would be a sight.

  25. Take the game Altered Beast and turn it into an olympic event involving speed plastic surgury. Worst lookin monster wins. US would have to be represented by Joan Rivers, right?

  26. Definitely would love to see Insurance Fraud from the Saint’s Row series as an Olympic sport. Seeing people purposely throw themselves into vehicles and ragdoll uncontrollably through the air would be the most intertaining shit ever!!

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