Vidjagame Apocalyse 58 – Terrible Mutant Ninja Turtles


Last week’s trailer for the Michael Bay Ninja Turtles movie was an inspiration — specifically, an inspiration for a Top 5 about the worst TMNT games of all time. With that out of the way, we talk about Goat Simulator, Elder Scrolls Online, California State Senator Leland Yee allegedly becoming a real-life GTA character, and your ideas for games that would be better with virtual reality.

Question of the Week

If you could make your own probably-too-realistic [Something] Simulator, what would it be?



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31 thoughts on “Vidjagame Apocalyse 58 – Terrible Mutant Ninja Turtles

  1. Brain simulator. You have to control every aspect of a body. Breathing, cell growth, heart beating, sperm production… especially sperm production.

  2. QOTW: Nicolas Cage Simulator. I just want to see how he lives his live, day to day. You get bonus points for overacting in mundane daily situations.

  3. Anti-Inflammatory Tablet Simulator where you must navigate your way in tact through the human body from the mouth all the way to lower bowels before finally breaking up at the right point the settle down the user’s gut the best way possible.

  4. Real-time mayfly simulator. Help the species survive before the time runs out by searching a much too large landscape

  5. A Star Trek simulator where you’re the captain of the Enterprise. You could tell your crew to go on missions, fire on enemy ships, and tell Wesley to shut up whenever you feel like it.

  6. A plant simulator where your watering plants in your window or deciding who gets the most sunlight that affects their growth, you can pick which plants, game takes place in real time.

    Or a bug catching sim.

  7. I would make a war simulator that places you in the boots of an under trained soldier sent to fight overseas. You would have weapon malfunctions, have to remember to bring every piece of equipment you own anytime you leave the F.O.B. Just in case you run into some shit you wouldn’t survive otherwise, and have severe mental breakdowns after watching several people die on either side of the fight. I think a game like this might Un – glorify war, and make games like COD feel mindless.

  8. QOTW: I would do a bacteria simulator. The player will monitor and control a single cell’s nutrient intake and waste excretion. When its needs are met, you can divide the cell. If your cell dies, you simply control a cell from the latest generation and continue playing. With enough points you can manage its gene expression and try to influence its evolution to upgrade the cell line’s abilities, gaining powers like photosynthesis or heat resistance. The game keeps track of how many cell divisions you’ve done, as well as the abilites gained through evolution.

  9. WOW! I never knew the nes ninja turtles was a reskin of a different game, but after watching a video of getsu fuuma den… its super obvious konami was just trying to be the first to cash in on the turtles popularity.
    this was a reeeeeally good episode! funny from end to end. X3

  10. QOTW: The Videogame Journalist (or gamz jarnalist if you will) Simulator. It fully immerses you in the harsh world of gaming journalism, where you face the stench of pizza from office co-workers, gruelling hours of horrible wii games, and tough moral decisions such as do you accept a $1000 bribe to give a game a 10, or do you let your family starve? And finally, you must write full articles about things like coloured games cartridges and gaming’s greatest presidents, only to find that no one reads them.

    TLDR: Game Journalists – The Simulator. AKA the Brett/Mikel/Chris simulator.

  11. I would like to make a Music Store Simulator to show how mundane my job can be at times. In the game you would have to stock the shelves with accessories, help parents set up lessons for their kids, stock the sheet music, and deal with customers demanding to know why their instruments aren’t fixed yet! Ah retail…

  12. So I’ve now listened to the episode making this my 2nd comment here, but I really need to ask why I didn’t hear anything about Bioshock Infinite: Burial at Sea Episode 2. Granted I know it came out while GDC was going on, but I would love it if in the next episode you guys at least mention its release and if you have someone who’s played it that they can briefly talk about it. I for one have played through it and loved it. I’m just hoping that it just slipped your guy’s minds is all and that you’ll bring it up soon.

  13. Why does it take a week for these to be posted after they’re recorded? All of the news is old by the time the show finally comes around. I’d say just cut the news and new releases if they’re just going to be old when we hear the show.

  14. Simulator Simulator. You play a simulator of a person playing a simulator.

    Sequel ideas?

    Simulator Simulator Simulator. You play a simulator of a person playing a simulator of person playing a simulator. The possibilities are endless!

  15. I envision something like Papers, Please but far more superficial. You are a Studio 54 bouncer. You need to manage the guest list, but still allow entrance to sufficient hotties. Keep out rowdy drunks, only allow a small percentage of dealers, and keep the dance floor full, but not too full. Also you must have a keen eye for 70’s era celebrities, because they aren’t all on the guest list, but if you deny them entrance Steve Rubell will eat your dick off, or worse (?) .

  16. We’ve all played a flight simulator at one point but what about a stewardess simulator? Push a cart down an isle in FULL 3D! Clean up vomit for hours! Literally seconds of entertainment.

  17. I would like to create PR Person Simulator, where you could thrill to the joy of cramming as many SEO terms into as short a press release as possible, not to mention the joy of being blamed for things being not what every single person wanted as though you personally created whatever product some random person hates.

  18. I am fucking astounded that as obsessed with nostalgia as Chris is that he hasn’t seen the Turtles Forever special.

    P.S. Chris talking about “people obsessed with TMNT, are obsessed with the TV show, the old one that was like 8 seasons, the rest all lasted like a year and a half….”

    The original series ran for 10 seasons. The 2003 series ran for SEVEN. So it’s not exactly nothing.

    It’s also an infinitely better show(and I grew up with the ’87 series).

  19. I’m kinda astounded that none of the Konami TMNT games that came out for the PS2 ranked low enough to make the list, those were abominable.

  20. I would like a sex simulator. Because I’m a 36 year old virgin who lives with his parents. And I’m a huge PC Gamer. I love Star Trek. HELP ME!

  21. Squirrel Simulator

    I used to watch those little fur balls run around outside the window at my dead end job in collections. Maybe it was the soul crushing task of telling little old lady’s to pay-up or shut-up, but when I imagined what it would be like to scurry around trees, collecting nuts, and chasing off competitors, being a squirrel seemed like the most freeing thing in the world.

    …aside from Flying Squirrel Simulator.

  22. QOTW: “Simulator- Simulator” you live life as a personal adult massage device from inception at the Lasertime/VG Apocalypse Dildo Factory where you are lovingly hand stitched by Chris and Tyler, and then placed into a box for re-sale at a local adult chain store. You buy DLC packs of potential end-users where you will spend the rest of your days.

  23. …was Donatello voiced by Wanda Sykes in that one really shitty TMNT game?? “I GOTCHOO STUNNED!”
    it seriously sounds like Her

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