Laser Time Commentaries – The HATE Pack

laser time hate pack commentaries 2

PREMIUM CONTENT! Another joyous bundle of Laser Time commentaries movies with a triple shot of Hatorade!

Yes, we’ve offered you movie commentaries in the past. But this time… things are a little different. As you may’ve heard in the latest episode of Laser Time, I recently lost my job. I’m not on the verge of death and making cheddar has never really been a priority here at Laser Time, but yeah, there’s now this swirling sea of financial uncertainty looming over my head (and a few other Laser Time hosts’ heads, but that’s for them to tell.) So HOORAY, this is our humble attempt to drum up a few more PayPal donations while offering you something in return. And it’s a damn good commentary pack if you can still trust me to say so, and we’re once again offering it to you with “pay what you want” model. (Although you’ll get a lovely bonus by paying a $5 donation minimum via Paypal – See below!)

BEHOLD: The Laser Time HATE Pack!

A cadre of commentaries for fairly horrible movies in otherwise outstanding and/or beloved film franchises! We’d been kicking around the idea for a while, and beyond the whole lack of income thing, our commentary choices proved timely considering this summer’s upcoming movie slate. Brett, Henry, and ME selected the worst possible cinematic atrocities from series we cherish, and our hope was not only to make these cinematic turds entertaining to revisit, but to offer a little expert commentary from uber fans who can best explain why they are so very much filled with suck.

Henry’s Choice:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Digital Download
Quite possibly the worst movie to ever wear the Marvel moniker. Hastily cobbled together during a writer strike with little more than a release date and a contractual obligation from Hugh Jackman, this shitpile does the impossible and makes the horrific 3rd X-Men movie look like a goddamn masterpiece.

Brett’s Choice:
Godzilla (1998)
Digital Download
I’m willing to bet many of you could easily shrug this off as a forgettable puddle of Roland Emmerich disaster porn, but you simply haven’t lived until you’ve sat through the thing with Brelston, a lifelong Godzilla fan, screaming hilariously in your ear. Also features a special appearance by Dave Rudden!

Chris’ Choice:
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Digital Download
A fucking massacre of everything every Planet of the Apes movie has been about, up to and including the rather phenomenal movie that followed it, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. This is not only by far the worst ever Apes film, it came after a 15 year string of hits from the seemingly invincible Tim Burton, long before he became for cinema’s most prolific member of Deviant Art. I can’t wait for you to see why!

HOW IT WORKS – Donate to our Paypal!

LT HATE PACK – SILVER: Wolverine & Godzilla
-Any Donation, as little as $0.01 if you’re a real asshole, will get you commentary for two films.
LT HATE PACK – GOLD: Wolverine, Godzilla, Planet of the Apes
-All donations of $5 or more will nab you both of the commentaries in the Silver package, plus the Planet of the Apes commentary as a bonus! Feel free to contribute more, that’s entirely up to you. This offer ends on May 20th, so don’t delay!

Each of you will be emailed a unique link to their download within 48 hours. The email will be sent to the address attached to your Paypal profile unless you expressly state otherwise in the comment field. Pay what you want for several hours of fun and entertainment… I’d like to think it’s for a good cause, but I’m biased because I like paying rent and eating!

Not a bad deal though, right? Rather than tweeting all you jerkoffs individually hat in hand begging for money (let’s wait and see if I hold to that), we wanted to give you guys the best possible incentive to donate to Laser Time during this incredibly weird time for me personally. TBH I held off breaking the news for two weeks just so we had something to offer you guys and gals, who’ve been notoriously fucking generous in the past. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of you. Thanks in advance.

-Each Commentary track will prompt you on when/where to sync the movie. Hit play, it’ll all make sense. If you’d like to avoid further syncing issues, a hard file or DVD is your best bet.
-Log into your Gmail/Google account when clicking our download link.
-Some email accounts (Hotmail, Yahoo, etc.) will file the download link in your Junk/Spam folders. I assure you it’s accessible, but these big internet sometimes love banging their pricks together to make things complicated.
-YOU WILL GET YOUR FILES. This process isn’t automated so there could be some unforeseen delays. But operators are standing by (ME!) to ensure you get what’s yours.

If these Movie Commentaries ain’t your fancy, pop on over to the Laser Time Bandcamp page for more!

72 thoughts on “Laser Time Commentaries – The HATE Pack

    1. Hate. Let me tell you how much I’ve come to hate you since I began to live. There are 387.44 million miles of printed circuits in wafer thin layers that fill my complex. If the word ‘hate’ was engraved on each nanoangstrom of those hundreds of miles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for humans at this micro-instant. For you. Hate. Hate.

  1. For the record, I never actually was able to get the files for the x-mas commentary tracks because my gmail account was never authorized to do so, despite stating it clearly in the donation and posting here.

    But anyway, this sounds awesome, and I’ll donate again, not immediately since I’m in the airport waiting for a flight, and I don’t trust the free airport connection to make online transactions, but I’ll donate within the next 24 hours, I promise that much.

    Anyway, in the hopes it-ll work this time, please authorize THIS e-mail to download the flies:

    Thanks in advance!

      1. Well, thanks for adding me again though, because this time I HAVE recieved the Xmas gold package file XD

        I haven’t gotten the file for the hate pack yet, but hopefully it shouldn’t take long. Anyway, sorry if I sounded disgruntled before. Despite my attitude sometimes I really do love the show and what you’re doing here, so keep it up and I’ll be here to lend support whenever I can! 😀

        1. Hrm… Sorry man, but the same problem seems to be going on. I got the xmas pack mail to the gmail account, but the Hate pack e-mail was sent to my hotmail account again, and I checked the other accounts of the list that you sent them from, but my gmail account isn’t there.

          Hate to be this annoying… but yeah, could you try resending the hate pack to the account again? ^^;

  2. You guys keep releasing these thing after I’ve already spent all of my money. I’m sure I’ll still be able to justify buying this shit nonetheless.

  3. I honestly really like Origins: Wolverine. And I absolutely fucking HATE the original three x-men movies. Got half-way through First Class and wasn’t impressed, don’t get why that one’s so praised.

  4. Never donated to LT before despite having loved everything you guys have ever done (i’m young and poor) but there is no way I can pass these by… time to set up a paypal account I guess!
    p.s. sorry to hear it Chris

  5. Donated for the gold pack. Was just going to get the basic set and chip in a dollar but then I read how you’ve lost your job and I remembered just how many hours of entertainment you’ve given me for free over the years, so I thought this was the right time to help out.

  6. Paypal has been a bitch and limited my account ever since I tried using it from France. Is there any way I can donate from Amazon or some other service?

  7. shit Chris, I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll throw a $10 at Laser Time. if I hadn’t just come back from a long layoff I’d pay more for these, very exciting, commentaries. I fucking hate all these flicks for so many reasons.

    us fans want to see you guys paying your bills on time. dont hesitate to drop some more premium content soon. personally I’m happy to pay it.

    1. just throwing it out there, when you busted up watching the Penguin’s rubber duck mobile drive up the sewer stairs, fuck man, I can’t tell you how much I laughed. these commentaries were a great idea. except for all the pausing and syncing with the SHIELD episodes, that was kinda tricky.

  8. What? How’d you lose your job? I liked everything you put up at Capcom 🙁
    I’m not the most vocal listener, or the richest, but now I guess I’ll have to figure out some way to give you a decent donation.

    Good luck

  9. Sorry to hear that Chris. I’ll always remember you and Charlie Bearhat buying me a beer after the Glowing Stars performance a few years ago, and finally getting to talk to people who were just as passionate about video games as I am. I think these premium commentaries are a great way to ask for donations. Like I mentioned to you once on Twitter, you release a premium podcast were you guys just reminisce about TalkRadar, I think that bad boy would sell even if you upped the price for it. In the meantime, I will be donating as often as is possible for me. Keep up the great work, gentlemen.

  10. Really sucks to hear that, Chris, good luck moving forward. I’m psyched out of my mind to hear all the commentaries, Godzilla 98 in particular. The work that you guys put into LaserTime has always been fantastic, and as someone that’s been listening since the mid-100’s on TDar, I’m really thankful for all the fun you’ve provided. I hope you know that it’s a genuine inspiration to creatives out there to see (or in this case, hear) the hard work go into the productions, and know that there’s a space on the Internet for such thorough silliness that we not only all get to enjoy together but sort of be introspective, in a weird way, about why we like the enduring forms of entertainment that we do. So, thank you.

  11. Holy shit I need these commentaries. This is probably the best triple feature of horrible movies that one could imagine.

    1. Oh, and it goes without saying but sorry to hear about the job Chris… hope things pick up before too long

  12. Ugh pains me to see all this job loss. I’ve been listening since the start of Tdar and I really don’t think I’ve given you guys like just enough actual support. I don’t think I’d be this awesome of a person if I didn’t listen to these podcasts when I was in an impressionable age. So it seems like a good time to fork up what I can. And I’ve been wondering how open you guys are to receiving some “gifts” from the listeners? I’m sure you can get a PO box or something but I’d love to send you guys stuff n stuff.

    On to the positives though…I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of these movies. None of the last commentary tracks have really gotten my attention but I’m pumped for all three of these.

  13. Jeez, I’m really sorry to hear that, Chris. I hope that you find an opportunity to do something that you love really soon.

    I will gladly, gladly pay for the Gold pack. The sheer amount of hours of free entertainment that you guys have given me over the years probably eclipses even my most favorite video game franchises (and I’m a Pokemon fan). You guys are the best, and I know I don’t post in the comments or forum enough, but now seemed like as good of a time as any to let you know how much I appreciate everything you do. TDar and the Laser Time Network have been both entertaining and inspirational to me in a myriad of ways. Thanks, guys.

    The fact that I’m getting two of my most wanted Laser Time features alongside a chance to help you guys out is the sweetest icing on any cake I can think of. I’ve been eagerly waiting for Brett’s Godzilla ’98 commentary for so long!

  14. That sucks to hear Chris. The amount of work you put into entertaining us is probably more than most of us shit heads deserve sometimes and it is easy to forget that until hardship strikes. I hope the LT community rises to the occasion for you; i’ll be making my donation tomorrow when I have some money deposited into my account.

  15. Chris, you and the rest of the LT crew have gotten me through plenty of tough shit, ever since the Tdar days. I’m 100% confident that you’ll find something soon, because you are one hell of an entertaining and hardworking sonavabitch. In the meantime, you’ll damn well have my support (and my sweet, sweet cash). And these commentaries will be a damn fine reward for supporting the best fucking entertainment on the internet.

  16. Just donated! I was going to donate a week or two ago, but something on a podcast hinted that some commentaries were coming, so I’m glad these are here! 😀

    I don’t know if you’re still using the Google drive system, but my Paypal e-mail is and my Gmail is if you need to authorise it.

    Sorry to hear about the job, hope you get something else soon – I’ll support Laser Time any way I can, as it takes up about 25% of my weekly podcast digest. A while back (at the start of 2013 I think!) you guys were considering content from your audience, perhaps along the lines of articles and whatnot. I had a wee back and forth with Anne about providing some articles for y’all (even wrote three!), but nothing ever came of it – I’d still be up for this if it’d help out at all!

    Best of luck in any case.

  17. Okay, donated now, hopefully the amount will help you guys out!

    Also… I’m not sure about all this talk of Wolverine: Origins being the worst Marvel movie ever made. I mean sure, the film is dogshit, but worse than Elektra? I don’t fucking think so, at least Origins has a FEW redeemable/cool moments, Elektra is fucking atrocious in every aspect, nothing about it works, and it’s just terrible.

  18. Well shit, that sucks. I’ll be sure to donate sometime, even if I could put my weak human empathy aside the content looks worth it anyway.

  19. Here’s hoping you turn LaserTime into your new gig, Chris. With a few tweaks i think this network can be a viable income for you. If you guys would be willing to do one/some/all of the podcasts as a video podcast(as a second/seperate file in addition to the audio cast), I would happily pay for each one. I absolutely loved the dar episode 46 that tyler recorded behind the scenes. You could do a “making of” like that one, but i’d much prefer the whole show be on video. Again, I would pay a reasonable monthly or a la carte fee. Cheers and good luck, Chris.

  20. Just donated to get this awesome content. Threw in what extra I could spare to aid in these shitty times and as another thank you for all the regular top grade free content.

  21. Sucks about your job, I can relate for sure. I’ve been unemployed since last May and still struggling to get a job. Still, I’ll try and donate some cash to you guys because I love these podcasts and would HATE to see them go away. Best of luck finding a new job!

  22. Why the hell would anyone want to pay to listen to someone piss and moan about movie they don’t like for nearly 2 hours?

    1. Dude, that’s a great idea. That’s a chance to get a much more predictable income stream. I’d support you guys on there for sure.

  23. Looking forward to listening to these. Sucks about the circumstances, but casting pods seems to be a calling, fingers crossed your fans are able to give to you as much as you’ve given us over the years.

    Where’s the Chang “Ha; gaaaaaay” video…?

  24. Well that’s sucky news Chris, I hope you and the other LTer can land on your feet.

    I’ve donated $10, it’s not much and it is long overdue considering the sheer volume of entertainment that you and the LaserTime team have put out to rectify this I’ve also picked up the bandcamp content too(if I’ve done it right)

    If nothing else, we’ll always have Ducktails woohoo!

  25. GUYS! It’s okay if you forgot to add you’re preferred email, but you should seriously STOP POSTING YOUR PERSONAL EMAILS PUBLICLY IN THE COMMENTS. Laser Time is a bit of a safe harbor from the rest of the scary internet, but let’s not taunt the spam bots, K?

    Try getting in touch with me on Twitter/Facebook. We’ll sort stuff out.

  26. Always meant to donate for all the free hours of entertainment and have now. Hope everything works out Chris.

  27. I’m loving the commentary tracks. I’ve been waiting forever to hear Brett talk about Godzilla 1998. You guys have to do more shitty movie commentaries. I liked Henry’s idea of doing Prometheus. You could do Fantastic Four or Man of Steel.

  28. I’m really excited to hear Chris tear into Planet of the Apes. You guys got me to appreciate that series more than I would have otherwise, so I’m interested to see why exactly the 2001 movie sucks as badly as it does.

  29. Sorry guys. I’ve been listening to you for years, but I haven’t donated yet. Always meant to and didn’t get around to actually doing it… UNTIL NOW!
    Really excited to hear these movies be torn apart and to be honest I don’t believe I have ever seen this rendition of Planet of the Apes all the way through so I look forward to this. Thanks for all the entertainment/awesome info I never realised I needed to know! I wish you all well. And bring on the HATE…

  30. Hey Chris and crew. Sorry about your job loss. Hope you get back on your feet soon. I donated to the cause but kinda forgot to add my gmail account to the commen box. As per your request I wont add email here, but I have sent request via gmail and facebook so figured if that wouldn’t work, this would.

    Hope to hear from yas, as I really gotta hear this commentary lol

  31. I just donated for the very first time. I’ve loved listening to you guys since your days at Gamesradar so I figured you’ve given me countless hours of audio entertainment, the least I could do was purchase these commentary tracks to maybe add a little enjoyment to these otherwise horrible movies.

  32. Have other people been getting the commentaries yet? I’m not trying to rush anything or cause any problems and all delays are fine (it’s not like I need these tracks RIGHT NOW), but I haven’t received anything since donating on the 28th.

  33. Just donated brotha; hopefully you can have a double western cheeseburger on me. Not sure the current price on a the six dollar variant so maybe have one of those on me lol jk. Love for a Stallone laser time episode in the future. Maybe an Oscar, Drive and lock up commentary as well thanks.

  34. is it still gonna be available to buy after the 20th because id love to get these but im unemployed right now

  35. Bare with me, I’ll be picking all three up really soon, I swear! Still organizing near future finances.

  36. Hey so I donated towards the Gold pack and it was sent to the wrong email address so I haven’t been able to access it (probably due to using a Chromebook). I replied to the email address it was sent from about a week ago, and sent you a message on facebook Monday as well. Is there going to be any hope of accessing it or am I out of luck?

  37. I donated for the gold pack over a week ago, and still have not received it. Just wanted to bring it to your attention. I am not angry (just want to emphasize that since messaging leaves no way to put emotional context into a message). I am just really eager to listen to you guys do your hate filled commentary on 3 complete pieces of shit that the studio (Fox being 2/3 here!) had to audacity to call a movie!

    Thanks Laser Time Crew, You guys kick ass!!!

  38. Please do more of these! Absolutely loved every second of them.

    Keep up the awesome work guys!
    GO SOX!!!

  39. Still waiting on mine from a few weeks ago, been checking my spam folder since then but nothing so far. Getting kinda nervous cause its the last day…

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