PREMIUM CONTENT! Another joyous bundle of Laser Time commentaries movies with a triple shot of Hatorade!
Yes, we’ve offered you movie commentaries in the past. But this time… things are a little different. As you may’ve heard in the latest episode of Laser Time, I recently lost my job. I’m not on the verge of death and making cheddar has never really been a priority here at Laser Time, but yeah, there’s now this swirling sea of financial uncertainty looming over my head (and a few other Laser Time hosts’ heads, but that’s for them to tell.) So HOORAY, this is our humble attempt to drum up a few more PayPal donations while offering you something in return. And it’s a damn good commentary pack if you can still trust me to say so, and we’re once again offering it to you with “pay what you want” model. (Although you’ll get a lovely bonus by paying a $5 donation minimum via Paypal – See below!)
BEHOLD: The Laser Time HATE Pack!
A cadre of commentaries for fairly horrible movies in otherwise outstanding and/or beloved film franchises! We’d been kicking around the idea for a while, and beyond the whole lack of income thing, our commentary choices proved timely considering this summer’s upcoming movie slate. Brett, Henry, and ME selected the worst possible cinematic atrocities from series we cherish, and our hope was not only to make these cinematic turds entertaining to revisit, but to offer a little expert commentary from uber fans who can best explain why they are so very much filled with suck.
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Quite possibly the worst movie to ever wear the Marvel moniker. Hastily cobbled together during a writer strike with little more than a release date and a contractual obligation from Hugh Jackman, this shitpile does the impossible and makes the horrific 3rd X-Men movie look like a goddamn masterpiece.
I’m willing to bet many of you could easily shrug this off as a forgettable puddle of Roland Emmerich disaster porn, but you simply haven’t lived until you’ve sat through the thing with Brelston, a lifelong Godzilla fan, screaming hilariously in your ear. Also features a special appearance by Dave Rudden!
Planet of the Apes (2001)
A fucking massacre of everything every Planet of the Apes movie has been about, up to and including the rather phenomenal movie that followed it, Rise of the Planet of the Apes. This is not only by far the worst ever Apes film, it came after a 15 year string of hits from the seemingly invincible Tim Burton, long before he became for cinema’s most prolific member of Deviant Art. I can’t wait for you to see why!
HOW IT WORKS – Donate to our Paypal!
LT HATE PACK – SILVER: Wolverine & Godzilla
-Any Donation, as little as $0.01 if you’re a real asshole, will get you commentary for two films.
LT HATE PACK – GOLD: Wolverine, Godzilla, Planet of the Apes
-All donations of $5 or more will nab you both of the commentaries in the Silver package, plus the Planet of the Apes commentary as a bonus! Feel free to contribute more, that’s entirely up to you. This offer ends on May 20th, so don’t delay!
Each of you will be emailed a unique link to their download within 48 hours. The email will be sent to the address attached to your Paypal profile unless you expressly state otherwise in the comment field. Pay what you want for several hours of fun and entertainment… I’d like to think it’s for a good cause, but I’m biased because I like paying rent and eating!
Not a bad deal though, right? Rather than tweeting all you jerkoffs individually hat in hand begging for money (let’s wait and see if I hold to that), we wanted to give you guys the best possible incentive to donate to Laser Time during this incredibly weird time for me personally. TBH I held off breaking the news for two weeks just so we had something to offer you guys and gals, who’ve been notoriously fucking generous in the past. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of you. Thanks in advance.
-Each Commentary track will prompt you on when/where to sync the movie. Hit play, it’ll all make sense. If you’d like to avoid further syncing issues, a hard file or DVD is your best bet.
-Log into your Gmail/Google account when clicking our download link.
-Some email accounts (Hotmail, Yahoo, etc.) will file the download link in your Junk/Spam folders. I assure you it’s accessible, but these big internet sometimes love banging their pricks together to make things complicated.
-YOU WILL GET YOUR FILES. This process isn’t automated so there could be some unforeseen delays. But operators are standing by (ME!) to ensure you get what’s yours.
If these Movie Commentaries ain’t your fancy, pop on over to the Laser Time Bandcamp page for more!