Kirby, Mario & Links, Spidey, Star Trek and GAMERA: FRIEND TO CHILDREN! Shop new stuff and SUPPORT LASER TIME

No time for sob stories, lollipops! I’m hoping most of you already heard about my current predicament on this week’s episode of Laser Time, so it should go without saying that we need your help now more than ever. Yes, we’ve got some Premium, Hate-Filled Movie Commentaries for that ass, but no method of supporting your pals at Laser Time is using the links below to make your purchases on Amazon. Below we’ve highlighted the week’s most notable releases, however, you can click on anything below or on the right-hand sidebar and purchase whatever you’d like and kick a tiny commission back to Laser Time. Thanks so much in advance, darlings!

Kirby: Triple Deluxe
I mean, what’s not to like about a new Kirby game? They’re so damned lovable I honestly get a profoundly guilty feeling once I start to get bored with each new title *ducks hurling tomatoes*. What?! These things have been coming out with a pretty astounding regularity, after all, and a passable 2D platformer is something we’re well aware Nintendo can do in its sleep. Although… the most fun I’ve had with Kirby does generally tend to occur on a portable platform. Hmmm…

Gamera – Ultimate Collection Volume 1
OOOOOOOOOOOH YESH! Brett’s the Godzilla fan, as you can currently hear in Laser Time’s HATE Pack Movie Commentary Pack (yours for only a $5 minimum donation!), but I’m much more of a Gamera fan. He’s really neat/filled with meat after all, and duh, that love’s got a lot to do with MST3K, who semi-recently released a phenomenal box set of all the “Giant Turtle” episodes. But if you’ve ever wanted to see those films remastered in HD and/or widescreen, and I most certainly have, these sets are one helluva way to capitalize on the excitement surrounding the upcoming Godzilla flick. Between the two sets, you’re pretty much covered in the Gamera department from his introduction to 1980, however, I’d certainly encourage those interested to seek out some of the latter day reboots. Really fun, in a much more modern way.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2
All of the buzz coming of the movie is great, that Blu-ray CE is in no way outrageously stupid, and the game is probably great even though its out this week and it doesn’t look as if Activision bothered sending out review copies! Apologies, but I’ve clearly got a lot of pent up aggression towards Sony’s MCU outlander, and all signs point to this being another soulless entry in the ceaseless cash machine that remains oh-so sadly outside Marvel’s control. But I am thinking about streaming this game.. Anyone interested?!

Star Trek: Enterprise – Season 4 Blu-ray
I know very little about this show, but Elston does, so feel free to go and bug him about it. What I do like is that, judging solely on those Next Generation Blus, Star Trek is seemingly the only franchise that gives a fuck about remastering its episodes in a way keep the presentable for future generations. I. fucking. LOVE THAT. And sincerely wish more studios would give that treatment to their 4:3, Standard-Def shows. Personally, I would kill to see a version of Fraggle Rock that looked like it wasn’t shot on my Dad’s enormous 1980s Camcorder, but there’s one show the desperately needs to look into the process right now: The Fucking Simpsons.

Mario Golf: World Tour
There are few things I hate more than people who play golf, and one of them is golf games. But it should surprise no one that fucking Mario Golf is one of those rare exceptions. I swear, I don’t normally care much for the sports title Nintendo makes while in one of its oblivious coast modes, so you won’t find me making excuses for Tennis or Baseball. But Mario Golf? Dude…Toadstool Tour is one of the best times I ever had in the waning days of the GameCube and that Camelot GBA game is one ridiculously good RPG that treats the fairway like those most active of time battles! I can’t not be interested in sinking Birdys with Birdo, God help me…

Betty Boop: Essential Collection Vol. 3
As many of you no doubt know, I’m a huge fan of animation and collecting it once respectably restored on DVD/Blu-ray. As described these boldly claim to be restored from high-res 4K film celluloid masters, and that tickles all the right spots for me. Up until recently these Boop sets had sauntered suggestively underneath my radar, however, seeing this Cuphead trailer from GDC got my brain spinning in an old-timey, Fleisher kinda way. Don’t know much about these sets, but seriously, check out Cuphead.

Legend of Hercules
I’ve got nothing to say about this but I do have a lot of time on my hands, so STORY TIME! Long, long ago… Possibly 8 or so years ago, in the very beginning of my career previewing awful video games, I went to an event in San Francisco for a dev/publisher who brazenly prided themselves solely in the development of games based on upcoming movies. It’s not a bad sell if you think about it from a publisher’s perspective, especially once you consider how costly and time consuming console game were becoming. Seriously, the gaming industry has all but given up on timely movie-based games in favor of mobile apps, Facebook/browser games and… uh, I guess LEGO titles. But theoretically, a company that could somehow specialize in such a thing could benefit not only movie studios, but perhaps gamers, by knowing, or eventually learning exactly what it needed to produce an above board movie tie-in. The products on display, Space Chimps and a playable Jumper prequel if I’m not mistaken, didn’t exactly prove that point immediately, however one could argue quality of the movies could’ve soured some of the potential of the games in a bit of an industry table turning. But what they showed us next truly lived up to the name of this long defunct company: Brash Entertainment.

With all of that in mind, all the lead up development time Brash would need to make game, they decided to reveal a game trailer for a movie that hadn’t even been announced yet. No gameplay was shown, just a CG teaser full of fire and bluster hinting at a God of War-esque, Greco-Roman hack n’ slash orgy. And while they wouldn’t even expressly tell us what the game or movie it was, they said we actually were free to write about it? “Speculate away, fearless game journos!” Few did, and that’s likely due to the free hooch that lubricated a few windpipes later into the evening, when it eventually became clear that the trailer was for Hercules. Truly, a bizarre reveal, but I’m not sure if this thing even hit headlines since the unorthodox reveal made further online speculation pretty pointless because A) we knew it was Hercules and B) who really gives a fuck about Hercules anyway? Honestly, whether it was specifically for the game or movie, I couldn’t really tell you, and neither myself nor anyone else bothered to follow up. So 2006, maybe 2007  is the last time I’ve ever heard of that Hercules movie until this moment. Weird. It’s likely that Hollywood is at any point and time idiotically trying to mount a Hercules movie, but hey, I’m slightly curious if I caught a glimpse of this dud almost a decade ago.

Child of Light
Been looking forward to this one for a while, and given the massive amount of free time I’ve just inherited, it isn’t likely to slip through the cracks. This is just one of those things you gotta love about a company like Ubisoft. It’ll make money hand-over-fist with its popular brands and annual franchises, yet still funnel some of that dough into fresh projects and underrepresented genres Serious Market Focus Tests would have you believe are dead. Such is the case with this beautifully art-lead, sing-songy, traditional RPG. Amazon’s got the a PC version as well as a Deluxe PS3/PS4 Digital Collector’s Edition, so be sure to check that out.

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