Throughout 2014 I plan to watch the entire Hanna-Barbera Godzilla cartoon, take snapshots of it and then barf about it on Laser Time. Do I – or you – have the fortitude to see this through?
I know what you’re thinking, and NO this isn’t a crossover with Darkwing Duck! Instead it’s a poorly animated romp through the ocean starring “Godzilla” and some doofy lizard things.
We begin out at sea, where some sailor folks have been attacked by a glowing thing that shorted out all their equipment. They abandon ship via this admittedly artful shot. Nice work, someone!
Their pleas for help reach the Calico crew, who assign their top 10-year-old to the case. Nothing gets past these guys!
Mere moments later, THIS horrid thing appears and knocks some of the crew – who were preparing a deep sea dive with a minisub – off the ship and onto the ocean floor.
BLAMMO Godzilla arrives in short order! And he’s somehow got leverage on the ocean floor, cuz he’s able to wrestle this thing off the boat. Oh wait a second…
Ah, no, he’s not touching the ground. So how’s a billion-pound lizard staying alfloh who cares.
So they wrestle for a while and eventu… wait. That is so friggin’ off-model. That is an alligator head, and how far away / big are these two? Are they touching the floor or not? Have you ever tried lifting something while treading water? It’s like that, but if the “something” was a writhing electric sea monster.
Oh right, the people are stuck on the bottom. They fall through the ocean and into an area that’s below the ocean water, so it’s dry with water above them. Not a bad gimmick, that’s kinda neat.
Problem is, there are blue monsters down here too – babies, I have to assume, since the other one was the size of their entire ship. Let’s go with that!
The trio starts to run away, probably before they realize they’re on the bottom of the bottom of the ocean and can’t really go anywhere. BUT WAIT..
Geriatric Godzilla to the rescue! This grizzled WWI vet ain’t gonna let no ‘lectric lizards spook his pals! He lets loose with a burst of flame that either scares away or kills both creatures. Can’t remember, not important.
And then Godzooky blinks for the family portrait / awed reaction shot. You’d think they’d be used to watching exotic animals die before their very eyes, but no, each time is a special moment reserved for sustained, hushed amazement.
Uh then Godzilla grabs their pod thingy and starts to carry it back up to the surface… I’ll admit I picked the single worst frame of this moment, but c’mon, it’s too good to ignore.
Anyway, their journey back is interrupted by the original, ship-sized creature (that has up until now been ignoring its secret under-underwater nest?).
Unsurprisingly, Godzilla dispatches it with ease. Tellin’ ya, Zilla is a wrestling wizard in this show! He moves from hold to hold with a grace usually reserved for beached whales.
And that’s pretty much it! These things barely put up a fight, making the whole episode a big fat dud. Of course, they’re all pretty terrible since watching two lumbering, infrequently animated dinosaurs wrestle is nowhere near as exciting as watching two adults writhe around in rubber suits. I know that sounds facetious but I’m almost 75% sincere!