Warner Bros. Interactive, you’ve been biz-AY! Batman, Scorpion and Sub-zero have things to show you…
You know it’s almost time for E3 when you’re getting brief cinematic teasers of games most of the world has yet to see in motion. And although I won’t be attending the Los Angeles festivities for the first time in over half a decade, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like sharing every time the blood flows into a giant geeky hard-on. Like say… THIS!
I’ve heard some folks criticize this trailer for its slick, cinematic presentation likely containing little to no actual gameplay. Seriously… so fucking what?! Even if you’re so cynical as to overlook the very clearly written word “TEASER” emblazoned everywhere you’ve seen it, these characters have been a part of our lives for more than twenty years. Does that not merit a Gore-geously stylized piece of animation to you? You know we’ll see more at E3, and for me, it’s enough to know that these characters are back. And yeah, I think that’s beyond worthy of a little reverence.
As for what we can discern from the trailer, I dunno, I didn’t play a ton of what I’m guessing is now called “Mortal Kombat 9.” MK IX?! The X-ray animations look to be back, Scorpion does a fiery flash kick, and Sub-Zero looks to have a blunt weapon of icey death to wield. You tell me! All I honestly care about is Fatalities, and that MK is unsettlingly macabre and I’m happy boy! (Plus I can’t wait to see how many White Knighty Game Journos call into question the moral issues of the game’s brutality as they unwittingly turn into the whiny, frizzy-haired mainstream news media of the early 90s. Grab some popcorn and let’s all enjoy the irony!)
Boo-hoo, Batman: Arkham Knight has been delayed until 2015. But I’m okay with that. Get it right, and all that. However, in terms of this here trailer, I’m fucking stupid excited to ride around in THE GODDAMNED BATMOBILE, easily Bruce Wayne’s greatest sidekick of all-time (Suck it, Grayson!) If I wasn’t, this trailer might’ve been a little on the boring side. I prefer the more focused detective story focused Arkham Asylum to the open-worldy Arkham City.
While Batman isn’t exactly what you call slow, I still found zipping and gliding around Gotham to a bit on the “sloggy” side. Not a terrible game sin by any means, and at worst, it made Arkham Origins less than compelling for me. However, the opportunity to ride around in Bruce Wayne’s famous whip has me more than enthused for Rocksteady’s (final) return to The Dark Knight.
But my absolute favorite thing about the trailer in the screenshot above. Batman’s “I don’t kill” mantra becomes less believable whenever his vehicles come into play. Badass though it be, are we really supposed to believe that this fire-spewing tank shooting endless explosive, armor-piercing rounds of military grade ammunition are gently knocking Gotham criminals, usually clad in little more than khakis and wife beater, into sleepy submission. Furthermore, this is a game, so I can’t imagine a couple goons aren’t going to find their way under my wheels as I carelessly careen towards a fucking Riddler trophy. Shit, I’ll probably it a point to do that! So how can you not love Arkham Knight’s ridiculous deflection in the trailer? Yes, that mobile piece of armament, with a longer barrel than weapons killing dozens in third-world turmoil every day, fires “Non-Lethal Slam Rounds” of peaceful understanding. Fucking hilarious.
What say you? Let us know what you think and we might read your thoughts on an upcoming episode of Vidjagame Apocalypse and/or Cape Crisis!