Vidjagame Apocalypse 74 – Wind on Demand

VGA74

No discussion of whether video games are art would be complete without totally ignoring all the ones that feature fart buttons. Good thing we’re not discussing art this week. After a spirited discussion of five games that let you pass gas at will, we move on to The Last of Us Remastered, talk about recent Xbox One developments, and discuss your saddest experiences with games.

Question of the Week

What’s your most embarrassing fart-related story? C’mon, you know you’ve got one.

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ALSO! Have you seen the video Mikel and Chris made based on episode 67’s Top 5 yet? Watch it if you want them to make more like it:

*NOTE* We’ve been getting some AMAZING donations lately but hardly anyone is attaching a name and the intended recipient of said donations. Please try to make note of which podcast the donation is going to so maybe we can get some new equipment and thank the right people for all their support.

Theme song by Matthew Joseph Payne. Break song is Uncle Fucka by Trey Partker and Matt Stone. Haunting and beautiful New Releases Theme by David B. Cooper.

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32 thoughts on “Vidjagame Apocalypse 74 – Wind on Demand

  1. I farted once and shit my pants, i laid in bed calling for my mum. I was 5, so i guess it was kind of acceptable for that age. I can’t wait til i’m 80 and it becomes acceptable/expected once more. My kids will be cleaning streaks off the wall. Ungrateful bastards.

    1. P.s. I don’t have kids yet, i am talking in future tense, but i already know they will be shitty kids.

    2. My uncle, a grown ass man in his 40s, once did this. We were all staying in a hotel room (me, my mom, my cousins, and my uncle) and he was joking around trying to release loud farts and ended up shitting himself. He immediately had an “oh fuck” look on his face, grabbed his pants and took off to the bathroom. It certainly took the cool out of his walk for a good few hours after.

  2. QOTW: I had gotten mono a few years ago, it happened to be finals week when I was taking the antibiotics for it. One morning in particular I was gonna be late for class so I just shoved the pill in my mouth, not thinking about eating anything. I realized my horrible mistake and tried to eat an oreo but it was too late, I was gonna suffer awful poisoning for the next week. This includes a moment in which I was playing Sonic Colors on the DS, thinking that I just had to fart, and the warning lights that go on when you’re going to do more than fart didn’t go off. It’s not nearly as bad as the times Chris pooped himself, but it was still extremely surprising.

  3. You guys missed Voodoo Vince! Also, Save the Date is surprising, in a, trust me on this, Gone Home kinda way. Narrative in a way that only works in the interactive medium.
    I once farted and woke up the dog.

  4. QotW: My friends and I have long subscribed the game of Doorknob (where if someone farts and you call doorknob on them, you can hit them til they touch a doorknob, unless they call “safety post-fart but pre-doorknob). We’ve gone so far as to develop a handbook, the international doorknob charter and treatise, which included a new rule referred to as “no-safety Saturday” during which you cannot call safety, to do so is tantamount to being doorknobbed. So anyways, my buddies and i went camping/fishing for a few days up in northern Wisconsin, and while in the middle of the lake on a rowboat, i let one slip. i must have been to relaxed and focused on fishing to think, but i looked up as my friends stared at me intently, as if astounded at what I’d done. After an awkward moment, they finally doorknobbed me… on a boat, in the middle of a lake, half a mile from the closest door… and beat me for a good 5 minutes, almost over-boarding me a couple of times… explaining those bruises was no easy task… and that’s why i ALWAYS carry a Doorknob in my tackle box now.

  5. I don’t have any embarrassing fart stories. I’m proud of my farts. I raised them right and when they’re ready to go forth into the world on their own, they go with my blessing. #freeyourfarts

  6. I can’t comment on the QOTW, but I thought should let you guys know that none of your most recent episodes, starting with Cape Crisis 100, have been on iTunes, which is how I listen to all of the shows on the network. Please fix ASAP. I would hate to miss more of your shows.

    1. Update: Found out that my iTunes feed somehow was stating that I wasn’t listening to your shows for a while, which clearly isn’t the case since I put them on my pod and then on my PC mark them as ‘played’. Probably a program, so you don’t need to worry any longer about what I said earlier about me not getting your shows.

  7. Chris! You can get that dating Sim game from the infamous piratebay. Probably still in the top 100 games. It’s a fan game so conscious free.

  8. Ok well I was once trying to date a beautiful girl with huge boobs when I was in high school, I had finally gotten a date with her and while laughing I farted so loud and hard that she just made a nasty face I couldn’t help but to start laughing. 15 years later she is still my friend and we still laugh about it, it was embarrassing but I guess it’s the fart that brought us together as friends.

  9. Years ago when I first got into bodybuilding, I upped my protein intake to 200 grams a day so I had to eat a lot. I didn’t know at the time that all that excess protein would turn to gas when not being used. I was Bally’s gym doing sit-ups in the main era of the gym when without my knowledge I ripped a massive fart that I heard through my headphones and it rang through out the gym like a ships horn when docking at a port. I looked around to see if any one heard and ….. yes they did and it was all hot chicks shaking their heads in disgust.

  10. In my junior year of high school I let a “hung over or maybe still drunk”-fart out in FST and got called out by a girl I was friends with who had the biggest mouth ever. The whole class got to smell it over the course of the next few minutes/eternity.
    tangentially related in physics the next year we recorded some projects and I was caught on film adjusting myself. We were watching it in class and the same girl called it out and the teacher rewound it so that we could rewatch and humiliate me further.
    Hmm, 15 years later and I think I have to leave some real shitty comments on her instagrams. Vengance shall be mine!!

  11. Hey Chris saw you where looking for Katawa Shoujo (The dating sim with the crippled girls), as a sad shit extraordinaire I can help, http://www.katawa-shoujo.com/about.php is the official site with the full download. Play the whole thing, it’s some good shit, I’m immensely excited to hear what you think about it.

  12. Hey VGA crew,

    A few years ago I was working alone at a Starbucks kiosk inside of a Safeway when the urgin’ for a butt-air splurgin’ came about. Now considering my f.p.m. (farts-per-minute) is about 2 1/2 I initially thought nothing of it, but in an instant I went from passing gas to passing a squirt of shit soup. Realizing my breakfast burrito and coffee were expediting the digestion process and vacating my body, I tried to make an escape from the kiosk to the dingy employee shitter in the cafeteria upstairs. As I moved towards the kiosk’s saloon doors a customer came to the till and ordered, I shit you not, a double chocolate-chip frappucino. Going against every health code ever conceived, I reluctantly began to make his frozen sugar bomb while my balls were steeping in the crappucino I had made in my pants. The chafing that occured is a burn I will not soon forget. After serving him his stupid drink while sporting the most pained smile ever, I hobbled stiff-legged to the washroom to clean up my asshole’s ground zero and discard the soiled underpants in the men’s room paper towel disposal.

    Thanks for giving me a platform to share this tale and keep up the awesome work on the Lasertime Network.

    Cheers,
    Trevor Aitken,
    LT fan in Slamcouver BC

  13. QOTW: So this fart wasn’t mine personally but it was still embarrassing/ funny and I got nothin else so I’ll tell it anyway. Me and my four friends were headed home from a grads party back in January at like 2am and one of the friends in the back seat decided to let one rip. Naturally it was loud and stunk the car up, so the friend who was driving decided to open the windows and air the car out, except that meant us dealing with the cold Winter-In-Ottawa weather. And then the friend was dropped off two streets from his house and forced to walk home as punishment.

  14. Good god, it’s like Mikel is a teacher trying to control a class of rowdy students…and it’s fucking awesome and hilarious!

  15. I farted in front of my dying grandmother.
    I was 10 years old visiting my ailing nanny in Palm Beach, Florida. The chemo had taken her hair, energy, and matronly warmth, so we rolled the TV set up to her bed and crowded around it for whatever we could pass off as quality time as a family.
    The film was “Shanghai Knights” with Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson.
    After an uncomfortable scene of Owen WIlson having sexual hijinx in a brothel, I cut one. Loud.
    My skeletal grandmother turned to me and said, with her voice dripping more disgust and contempt than I’d ever heard from her:
    “Do you have to use the bathroom?”
    I sheepishly got up and went to the washroom.
    I just stood in there for ten minutes, staring at my feet beside the fluffy pink toilet.

  16. I’m taking my exam in a giant hall within a grid made up of a couple of hundred students at small desks, it’s so silent you can hear the weather outside… and it was hot and dry. Now imagine a very slowly creeping, progressively higher pitched squeaking fart that lasted a few seconds but in my mind never ending. Yet the echo was so great, it could have been anyone within 10 by 10 student square around me turning the test into an improv “who dunit”. Regardless, the hall erupted with laughter moments before we all plunged into are test about the Second World War. Real respect.

  17. Similar to Mikel’s story, I gas chambered my GM getting out of an elevator. Being in India, I had eaten nothing but Indian food for 3 years straight.

    1. Also this was while I was still at Zynga so some of you can derive pleasure from the fact that a Zynga GM had to inhale my assfart vindaloo.

  18. QOTW: I was on a business trip over from Japan in America. I had just finished an important presentation at a conference and was walk-and-talking with a pivotal business partner when I could feel a righteous fart brewing in my bowls. As we approached the elevator I feared letting this fart loose would offend him so much he would quit the deal and ruin the company. The elevator doors opened and out walked the most beautifully bearded man I have ever seen in my life. We stepped into the elevator after him and as the doors closed we realized he had just hot boxed us. Leaving the gaseous insides of his bowls all over the small go-up box. But it was my lucky day. I silently slipped by own flatulence into the fart-mosphere and the truth of smelly Americans saved my job, the company, and the Computer Entertainment Product we produce.

  19. Mine was that I let out a silent one in the middle of my health class in freshman year of high school. I didn’t think much of it until I could feel how fucking hot it was. I mean it was a hot fart. Like, really hot. I knew it was going to smell rancid, so I quickly focus on whatever notebook was on my desk. Nothing happened for a few seconds, but then the loud “I need attention from everyone” guy catches a whiff and freaks the fuck out, thereby giving everyone free reign to freak the fuck out. I, in a misguided attempt to go unnoticed, decided not to react, and I could feel myself turning insanely red. Someone asked me straight up if it was me, and I looked at him blushing insanely and gave a deadpan “NO,” and looked back at my desk.

    I’m pretty sure everyone knew it was me.

    1. And look, I don’t even give a shit about physical media. I’m complete okay with just having a Steam library. The point is, I actually go out and buy the games that I WANT.

      This idea of Chris’ of “Just shut up and pay them the money!” is fucking ridiculous.

      He dismisses the idea of “But what if they don’t put out anything I actually want?” like that’s not a completely valid argument. Even putting aside the “Well, pretend it’s not EA”…

      say it’s a company I like, with games I want to play. Say I have for example, and Ubisoft subscription, because I love Assassin’s Creed and Splinter Cell or whatever. What if the AC and SC games that come out that year happen to be terrible, or broken? Well, it’s too late, I already gave them their money for a year of worthless garbage.

    2. And to anyone who expressed the sentiment of “well, if they decide one day that that won’t be playable on the service anymore, so what?” I say…fuck…you. You don’t speak for all of us. Some of us like to play games that are over a year old.

      “Well, who even has the time to play old game anywa-” SOME OF US DO! And considering the podcast is about 75% jobless losers these days, you should fucking too.

      In fact, pretty much the entire Laser Time youtube channel is Chris doing exactly that.

  20. QotW. My time to shine. A few years ago I was lucky enough to catch “swine flu”. I woke up one morning not feeling to great.

    It must be wind! So I risked a fart. Little did I know my rectum was full of a chocolate tsunami. Only a small puddle released. I made it to the toilet and began to wee out my bum for 20 minutes. Also. Vomited like a pro. Both ends.

    When this bodily fluid hurricane ended I managed to get downstairs and once again sharted. Now on the sofa! So much poop/facts. I was too weak to get upstairs and spent my day under a coat in my living room super embarrassing to explain to your mother why you’d shat in 2 different places and collapsed like a leper.

  21. QTOW So there’s this fart related game we’d play in highschool where the person who farts has to yell door knob or else if some one else calls door knob the person who farts has to grab a door knob or else suffer punches by all those playing the game.

    With this needlessly long set up. The scene is algebra class, I’m sitting next to a pretty blond girl with curly hair and hazel eyes who I “secretly” have a crush on. Its a great day, the teacher then decides to tell a joke which turns out to be funny and the entire class laughs including me who has been holding in gas for the past 40 minutes. With the laughter I involuntarily let out a huge ass fart and all the laughing immediately stops. My “friends” all yell doorknob and I proceed to run for the nearest doorknob. It’s then that I realize what has all taken place and instead of returning to my seat i just run out of the class room.

    I don’t remember the rest of the day but I’m pretty sure I didn’t talked to that girl i liked for the rest of the school year.

  22. QOTW: I was deployed to kyrgyzstan in 2006 when I had one of my lowest moments. It was probably around 0530 in the morning and the fellows i was posted with and myself were freezing our balls off in our guard shack. there was four of us in this 5×5 hut and I would not stop blowing up our limited space with my ass gass. It was too cold for my friends to go outside to get a breath of fresh air, so they had to sit through my rancid butthole coughs. Man, it was so funny and I was so clever. It was all going according to plan until i shit myself. We were a good four miles from base so I had to hand my weapon off and steal my NCOIC’s gator to drive back to the living quarters to change. It took about 20 minutes to drive there with a pants full of poop juice. I never lived it down and I deserved every moment of ridicule. That’s what you get for flying too close to the sun.

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