WAS THAT SO HARD?! Fan made TMNT trailer proves CG turtles don’t have to suck

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A fan recreates the 1980s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles intro and probably deserves a medal.

Back when Michael Bay’s Turtles were first revealed, I went a little light on the new designs, at worst saying they looked like “mini-Hulks backpacking through Europe.” My hope was to not instantly be so pessimistic, reassuring both myself and anyone within earshot that the Turtles look can change, but as long as you nail the spirit and tone of the foursome you’re not fighting an uphill battle against fans. Now that the movie is out, officially sucks, knocked Guardians off the top of the box office, and is getting a sequel simply because dorks like me have nothing better to do last Friday night. Fuck this movie. This is all the proof I need.

Yes, it’s working with an established template that knows so well how to best tickle my nostalgic prostate it’s practically cheating, but I objectively feel there’s absolutely nothing wrong with Leo, Don, Raph, and Mike converted into 3D here by Zim Animation. It’s every bit as authentic as it is modern, and makes Michael Bay’s bulky, green foursome of catchphrase-spewing Voldermorts all the more laughable. All that effort made in the name of realism, and from what I hear, the new movie hates its entire conceit and fucking riddled with jokes about how ridiculous it is that the turtles even exist. The video above is the result of (I believe) two people, dedicated enough to work for nothing, so whatever shortcomings you care to point out with the modeling, fucking imagine what could’ve been done with a +100-person-strong FX house, a little more time, and a cruiseliner filled with Hollywood dough. And therein lies the dirty little secret of contemporary redesigns: If it doesn’t look drastically different, most designers aren’t interested.

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A) They are artists, and it’s admittedly far more interesting to put your unique stamp on things over revitalizing someone else’s vision, and B) the business guys at these FX warehouses know full well that having something that looks visually impressive is far more valuable than something that’s been established by a company that isn’t you. “While it’s true that our Ninja Turtle redesign was universally reviled, we pioneered the bleeding-edge technology to give Donatello more belt buckles than the last six Final Fantasy games… COMBINED. And could those flowing pieces of needlessly distracting fabric on Michelangelo’s shoulder be the from the Shroud of Turin? COULD BE?!” So congratulations, movie-going public. You paid $12.50 to see TMNT sputter out at a second movie in exchange for watching a bunch of animators jerk off for 90 minutes. Oh, I’ll let The Onion explain:

MUCH BETTER TURTLES STUFF ON AMAZON

15 thoughts on “WAS THAT SO HARD?! Fan made TMNT trailer proves CG turtles don’t have to suck

  1. This is super-cool, BUT, 2007’s TMNT movie proved that CG turtles don’t have to suck.
    MAN am I mad that movie didn’t continue past the first.

  2. Impressed by the work put in the Turtle’s penises. Shredder took the cake though. Watching his dick expand into a cacophony of spikes made me laugh.

  3. I didn’t give a single cent to the new movie. So I can blamelessly say that it’s success is everyone else’s fault but mine. If you hated the concept but still went and watched it, you’re a big part of the problem.

    As for this cg animation… Eh, if you’re going to straight out copy the original cartoon, you’re also not really taking any risks. And also, the hand drawn original still looks way better, making this animation completely pointless.

  4. Chris if you didn’t even see the movie and complained about how bad it was you are as bad as video game forum commentators who complain how bad a game is without playing it.

    1. Well at least he cited Rotten Tomatoes (which combines the ratings of many critics) to base his statement, rather than the average video game forum commentator who at most will cite a single websites review if any at all.

      1. Yeah but if you go further, you see that all the turtles movies have horrible ratings on rotten tomatoes.
        It stands to reason that critics would be much harsher now on a turtles movie than ever seeing as some grew up with a different version altogether.

      2. But Laser Time is all about giving respect to films that were/are “under-rated” or “critically panned” films (although that’s mostly when Dianne is on.) Chris has always been about “Thinking for yourself”

        People throw around the phrase “_______” is the Citizen Kane of our times, but to “actually” be that, people forget that Citizen Kane was HATED at the time, then gradually received the praise it deserved once people stopped listening to critics at the time.

        I’ll come out and admit that I enjoyed SPEED RACER (2008) and that was critically panned too, but at least I SAW it.

        All I’m saying is, as a whole, can we stop jumping on the hate-wagon? See Bayonetta 2 or more recent hate towards Rise of Tomb Raider just for the fact that now it’s going to be (temp) exclusive to Microsoft for a while.

        1. I think it more comes from the cg garbage that Michael Bay has been churning out lately. I have seen the most recent Transformers movie and it was truly, truly awful. In so many different and unique ways it was a bad movie. To the point of not even being redeemable in an ironic way.

  5. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2003 reboot was one of the most underrated animated shows from the 2000’s. It’s my favorite interpretation of the Ninja Turtles to date and it’s sad that no one ever mentions it.

  6. I enjoyed the new movie, and saw it twice. Loved how the turtles looked. Shame so many people are talkin crap about it without seeing it.

  7. Why cant there just be a new incarnation of turtles for every generation, why force yours on the new, the new cg show on Nick is basically the old one revamped.
    I think the millenium cartoon turtles did the turtles the way I thought they should be.
    It brings lineage, revives the the brand. Heres a video I want you to watch, might bring perspective:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jExYHd1yyWc

  8. Never really thought about it till I saw it in 3D but what the hell is Splinter doing in the old TMNT intro? He like, falls into a tall rectangular box and attacks the shit out of it for some reason.

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