The Best New Amazon Releases: Where’s Aladdin?! Edition

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New Batman, Giant Diablo, Muppets, game deals and Amazing Spiders

Summer 2014 has an unspeakably shitty time for take-home media. So much so that we can’t even justify highlighting new TV, game and movie releases on a weekly basis. Whoever that loss belongs to, it’s still your gain, since below you’ll find numerous choice recommends from over the course of the last couple weeks. We encourage you to browse and use our links below or on the right-hand side bar, even if you have no interest in buying that specific item. As long as you enter Amazon and buy what you do want in that visit, you’re kicking a tiny commission back to Laser Time which helps us stay afloat. Below you’ll find this week’s recommendations, plus some comics, and a list of upcoming pre-order saving and bonuses. Happy shopping!

Diablo III – Ultimate Evil Edition
CONFESSION: I’ve never played Diablo. I mean, other than for footage capturing purposes. But for whatever reason, mostly from what I’m hearing about the console version, I’m more curious to dive in than ever. Before I didn’t have the time, now I do. Before I had plenty of games to play, now, thanks to the chocolate/peanut butter combo that is the summer doldrums and lack of a job, I do not. And perhaps worst of all, I have practically nothing to play on my poor, poor Xbone. I’ve been very weary about buying games on that system that don’t perform as well on PS4/PC, and even if Microsoft can’t quite get its firmware shit together, I can’t imagine a game like Diablo will have that much of a struggle, right? That’s a serious question, because if all these stars align, I might shell out the $60 for this three-year-old game!

Batman: Assault on Arkham
In case you haven’t already read reviews about this thing, it should probably be called “Suicide Squad: Assault on Arkham featuring Batman.” Outside of the cravenly misleading title, I was most shocked by the violence in DC’s latest animated DTV release, and that’s kind of a complement. I feel like I used to watch these things all the time, and while I’ve admittedly fallen off the DC animation bandwagon – SHIT! – this was far more graphic than I ever would of expected. Tons of blood, cursing, and dismemberment. I haven’t even finished watching it yet and I’ve already seen two heads get separated from their familial necks. I literally was blindsided by the degree of violence, even in the generally-more-adult medium of DC’s supertoons. Love that shit, and really makes Marvel’s animated output look like its exclusively for babies.

The Amazing Spider-man 2
I quite like the way my Cape Crisis buds and I took a quiet little stance against seeing this film. I didn’t like the first movie at all, and not in a “that’s so terrible” way, but with its arguably more offensive boredom and a general distaste left in my mouth regarding its need to exist. Much like Sonic, Sony doesn’t know what to do with Spider-man other than that they can’t stop making it. Furthermore, the behind-the-scenes stuff reeks of greedy corporate fuckwadery, and I think we’d all really like to see Peter Parker back in Marvel Studios’ hands where he belongs. So rather than contributing more money to something we’d like to see a lot less of, none of us saw a major Hollywood film starring our favorite superhero. It feels very weird, but I still can’t bring myself to invest even the time it takes to watch this movie. I don’t need 2+ hours to figure out what I already know… but man, still really wanna see this.

Tales of Xillia 2
And it now comes time to make fun of this game and the anime-lovin’ souls who’d buy it… You know what? How about… not today? There aint a whole lot else out or even coming to any console if you’re not a Madden fan. We’re in this together, weebs!

 


Toy Story of Terror
OH MY LORD, do I love Pixar’s Toy Story Shorts. Small Fry and Partysaurus Rex are two of the most enjoyable pieces of animation made in the last ten years, and due to their runtime, remain infinitely rewatchable throughout the years. Well, all of those Toy Story shorts are collected here (for the first time ever, I believe, I in a single set) and an all-new 22 minute Halloween special I’m dying to watch. It premiered last year and I’d forgotten about it entirely, but here it is for $12 on Blu-ray. If you don’t already own the other shorts, it’s not a bad deal at all.

Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare
I’ve really wanted to play this for a while, so if you’re like me, but don’t own an Xbone, the luxury is now yours to partake. Weird though the concept may seem, it’s supposedly a damn decent shooter, comes at a lower cost than most games, and I’m pretty sure keeps rockin’ the free DLC. I think my old ass got scarred away by the online-only nature of the game, which consists of almost solely internet-required multiplayer, but Dave has some good things to say on this week’s Vidjagame Apocalypse.

Muppets Most Wanted
Good God Damn, I loved this movie. My only concern with it was that it didn’t seem like the type of thing that’ll endear itself to kids. I swear, I personally love everything about it, but I fear the kiddies may not get what makes it so funny, they certainly won’t recognize most of the cameos, and given that film involves an European tour, I hope they like seeing the colorful menagerie of felt performing their simpler brand of silliness up against drab rocks and gray skies. I mean, I think The Muppets have always been meant to entertain adults, but their legacy lives on in the hearts of the kids who enjoy it too. Whatever! Adults and longtime Muppet fans have a tremendously enjoyable film here, featuring great characters, wonderful songs, and I fell head over heels in love with Constantine, the movie’s hilarious new Kermit doppelganger. By far, he gets the greatest song in the film.

Infamous: First Light
If you haven’t heard me lament the purchase of my Xbox One on Vidjagame Apocalypse, you’ve probably missed me going on and on about how badly I want a PS4. Or maybe how much I’m dying for some first-party justification to throw budgetary common sense to the wind and pick one up ASAP. In that respect, Infamous is all I’ve got. It looks pretty, but I’ve never been a huge fan following the 2nd game. However, these irresponsible hopes ride high and almost solely upon Infamous’ shoulders, so at least they’re dispensing with some consistent DLC updates, this one including a new playable character. I should look into this and create a financial problem for myself!


Ladies and Gentlemen, My Name is Paul Heyman
Henry’s talked up this doc quite a bit, and I’m pretty anxious to see it. Even while undergoing my little wrestling renaissance, I’m surprised how often I forget that sometimes my favorite WW-Whatever personalities are the one’s who never even enter the ring. Heyman’s not only a fantastic onscreen presence, a veritable GIF factory we’ve heard him called, but he’s apparently a really smart dude behind-the-scenes and I’m short on those specifics.


Hercules
That’s nice

WHERE’S ALADDIN?!

 


Tarzan
That’s nice

WHERE’S ALADDIN?!

 


The Flintstones
And finally, we’ve come to the movie/franchise/cartoon that continues to mock my very existence. “You love the Flintstones, Chris!” No, I’m not sure if I do, nor if I ever did. And this movie in particular recently continued The Flintstones’ seemingly unstoppable methods of inserting themselves into my life and consciousness by forcing me to play the excruciating SNES game for a video project (The Top 5 Movies Games of 1994, in case you haven’t seen it.) It wasn’t an incredibly long amount of time, but certainly more than any rational human being should spend playing a fucking Flintstones game, let alone that one in 2014.

CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME PRE-ORDER BONUSES
listed roughly in order of release date

Madden 15  *LAST CHANCE!*
-Pre-order for Madden Ultimate Team content, a $15 value
Destiny 
-Pre-order for early Beta Access
The Sims 4 Premium Edition *NEW*
-includes the Up All Night, Awesome Animal Hats, Life of the Party Digital Content plus the Creator’s Guide Hardcover Book!
Theatrhythm Final Fantasy Curtain Call 
-Pre-order for free upgrade to Limited Edition version which also includes a 5-track CD sampler of THEATRHYTHM remixes in exclusive alternative packaging
The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors *NEW*
-Pre-order Hyrule Warriors to receive a code to download EXCLUSIVE Twilight Princess costumes for Link and Zelda
Dragon Age: Inquisition 
-Deluxe Edition includes Flames of Inquisition ArmorWeapons Arsenal and Armored Mount
Far Cry 4  *NEW*
-Free Limited Edition upgrade includes Hurk’s Redemption, a series of three-action packed single-player missions. You’ll embark on an epic quest to find a rare artifact while using “The Impaler” harpoon gun
-Amazon-Exclusive pre-order bonus, the Elephant Double-Barrel Rifle
Call of Duty: Advanced War Fighter *NEW*
-Free Day Zero Edition Upgrade: 24 Hour Early Access with Double XP
– two custom weapons, the AK-12G Assault Rifle and CROSSBOW-B2
-Advanced Arsenal Bullet Brass exoskeleton and EM1 Quantum directed energy weapon
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
-Pre-order and receive access to The Dark Ranger
Halo: The Master Chief Collection *NEW*
-Receive FREE Pinata Skull (enemies will drop plasma grenade with every melee)
Assassin’s Creed: Unity *NEW*
-Every single week through launch, Assassin’s Creed is giving away incredible prizes.
The Chemical Revolution MissionExperience an explosive extra mission that involves a genius chemist, a secret formula and a plot for revenge!
The Armor Splitter Axe: Carve through the thickest armor with ease
DriveClub – PS4
-Pre-order for Amazon exclusive instant access to the high-powered Mercedes supercar, access to the RUF RT12 R super car, and a driver level boost
Last of Us Remastered
-Pre-order and receive tons of free content including 100 Supply Points (XP) for use in Factions mode; Bonus Joel Skin for use in the Single Player Campaign (must complete the game once to equip); Bonus Ellie Skin for use in the Single Player Campaign (must complete the game once to equip); Increased Crafting Speed for use in the Single Player Campaign; Increased Healing Speed for use in the Single Player Campaign; 9mm Reload Speed Increase Upgrade for use in the Single Player Campaign; Rifle Clip Capacity Increase Upgrade
Evolve 
-Pre-order for free Monster Expansion Pack
Batman: Arkham Knight 
Pre-order to play as Harley Quinn. Utilize her unique weapons, gadgets, and abilities. Plus, contains 4 Exclusive Challenge Maps

13 thoughts on “The Best New Amazon Releases: Where’s Aladdin?! Edition

      1. Yeah but I watched all disney films as a kid and I think im being objective here.
        Id say in no order the best disney films are;
        Aladdin, Beauty and The Beast, Tarzan, Bambi, Treasure Planet

        With some strong secondaries;
        Cinderella, Lion King, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Mulan, Little Mermaid
        Fox and The Hound

        And then personal favs
        Hercules, Lilo and Stitch, Basil The great mouse detective, Aristocats, Sleepy Hollow

        I was just saying I think Tarzan is better, But I get your bummed about williams, but I bought the …Platinum? Diamond? Dvd of Aladdin so I got mine.

  1. I’m glad to see the restraint towards the weeb mocking, we all know how those anime types can get. We don’t want a #Ferguson here in the Laser Time forums.

  2. Anyone check out the new batman movie? Always pick em up but the animation makes me wana wait and redbox it first even thou I will eventually pick it up since I collect them all.

    1. If you felt burned after the horrendous “Son of Batman” then this is much better than that. But, I would still rank it lower than some of DC’s other animated films.

      1. Yeah, better than Son Of Batman, but still not great – I think they’ve lost a lot of what made them great since Bruce Timm stopped working his magic.

        1. The Flashpoint Paradox was recent and that was possibly my favourite of the original DC animated movies.

          Assault On Arkham is very good too.

  3. Man, that Constantine song is great, but “We’re Doin’ A Sequel” is one of my favourite Muppet songs now. So catchy!

    I’m gonna go watch that film now.

  4. I totally agree with you about Muppets, Chris. My friend and I (who are both 20) laughed our asses off, but most of the theater, which consisted of mostly families, didn’t seem to like it that much. I tried showing it to my cousins last week (who are all under 10) and I was the one who still liked it the most out of all of them.

    I also took a stance with you guys against Spider-Man not to pay to see it in the theater. But out of curiosity, I finally broke down this week and rented it, and I just have to say that I am so fucking relieved that I didn’t pay to see it in the theater.

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