This Week’s Best New Amazon Releases: Are You Ready?

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The Walking Dead, lotsa interesting remakes, and… Are You Ready? No, seriously. Are. You. Ready…

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBAAAAAAL?!

A Monday night party? (Time zone permitting) JK, dawg! Today’s the day when we expose all of Amazon’s fantastic newness, and you help your pals at Laser Time simply by using our links to shop the world’s leading, usually cheapest, online retailer. These are but humble recommendations, as well as a guide to upcoming game pre-order bonuses. You don’t have to buy any of the highlighted items, but as long as you use the links below or on the right-hand side bar, anything you purchase on Amazon during that visit with kick a couple pennies back to Laser Time. Thanks so much, ya’ll – Happy Shopping!

Madden 15
Look, I won’t pretend to know what’s new in this game, nor what it is about the series millions of people seem to love. And for once, NO, I’m not even going to make fun of it. This year marks the first time I genuinely feel bummed out by not being on the bandwagon. Yeah, I have a low tolerance for sports games that don’t star Waluigi, but Madden’s basically an institution and the fact that I know next to nothing about it is starting to create self-doubt this feeble little manbaby, who prides himself on being a pop culture expert. Maybe it’s this stupid Summer 2014 game drought? Whatever, you already know whether or not you want this. Also available in a Ultimate Edition and as part of a Kinect-less Xbone bundle!


The Walking Dead: Season 4
I haven’t watched the show since the second episode of the second season. Part of me feels like I’m missing out, but according to a Twitter glance, the series has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. What’s even stranger is… I’m a HUGE Walking Dead fan. I’m almost completely up to date on each and every comic, and I just finished the second season of Telltale’s phenomenal game last night. I love The Walking Dead’s universe so very, very much, and I’m pretty satiated with all the excellent Walking Dead in my life. I haven’t even thought of jumping back into the show, because rather bizarrely, it’s a bigger time investment than reading every issue of the comic and playing every episode of The Walking Dead game, combined!


Metro Redux
You know, it’s hard to get behind every next-gen upres coming out in this deeply concerning game drought for Xbox One and PlayStation 4, but what I’m fully ready to back is an underdog game using a new coat of paint as another chance to shine. I’ve heard beautiful things about Metro, a Triple A series-in-the-making that didn’t immediately find its audience. And yes, there were a lot of people like me who couldn’t see it for anything other than a me-too Call of Duty game. The Redux nips and tucks some of the more glaring faults of the first game, plus, if you don’t already own Last Light, what better way to pick it up than in this vastly encheapened double bundle? Mikel has more to say on Metro Redux in this week’s Vidjagame Apocalypse, or if you’re impatient, you can just go read his review right now on IGN.

Blended
This shit AGAIN?! Look, I like The Wedding Singer as much as the next guy, but Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler do not a magic couple make. That movie was special because it was one of the first 80s nostalgia jerk off to come out of Hollywood. I got to laugh at an older generation while they got to laugh at themselves. Coulda been anybody starring in the thing. I thought 50 First Dates proved the alleged chemistry was bullshit? Oh, well… what the fuck do I know? Enjoy your Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan dynamic duo, new generation. It can only be underwhelming.

Infamous: First Light
Not to be confused with Metro: Last Light, Infamous: First Light is actually out this week… even though I wrote it up last week as a new release. Whoops! But isn’t it really more important to know that you can by PSN games on Amazon and support Laser Time?! Works with PSN credits too!

 

 

Hyperdimension Neptunia Re;birth1
This is normally the part of the article where I make fun of weebs and their piecemeal offerings brought almost exclusively to the Vita. But this is a slightly more interesting case. For one, I actually played the original back in the day at GamesRadar. We didn’t really like it then, and neither did anyone else. But that didn’t stop it from becoming a franchise, which should show you the motivating purchase power of preteens in panties! Okay, sorry – trying to stay serious here. This week’s Hyperdimension Neptunia is a remake of the first game, and strange though it may seem, it’s scoring almost 100% better than the original. Weird? But like Metro Redux, it’s nice to see a game get another shot at stardom with a fresh coat of paint. And yeah, portable’s probably a better place for this kinda game anyway…

Legend of Oz: Dorothy’s Return
Please do not confuse this with a real recommendation! Critically panned and a spectacular bomb, this malicious use of public domain books is far more fascinating for its behind-the-scenes failings than anything you’ll see on screen. More than just a bad movie, more than just the record-holder for the worst box office opening for a widely released animated film, this is the first movie mounted by a former coffee shop owner who reportedly tricked thousands of old fucks into investing in the Oz franchise? The minimum donation? $100,000. Over 100 million dollars were raised to make this movie, presumptuous sequels, and a surely inevitable television series. Turns out the movie cost over 70 mil, yet barely made 10 of it back while in theaters… yikes. Investors are understandably upset and the producers are blaming a conspiracy posed against them by the major studios. Read more about it here.

CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS:

 

 

 

 

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME PRE-ORDER BONUSES
listed roughly in order of release date

Destiny 
-Pre-order for early Beta Access
The Sims 4 Premium Edition *NEW*
-includes the Up All Night, Awesome Animal Hats, Life of the Party Digital Content plus the Creator’s Guide Hardcover Book!
Theatrhythm Final Fantasy Curtain Call 
-Pre-order for free upgrade to Limited Edition version which also includes a 5-track CD sampler of THEATRHYTHM remixes in exclusive alternative packaging
The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors *NEW*
-Pre-order Hyrule Warriors to receive a code to download EXCLUSIVE Twilight Princess costumes for Link and Zelda
Dragon Age: Inquisition 
-Deluxe Edition includes Flames of Inquisition ArmorWeapons Arsenal and Armored Mount
Aliens Isolation *NEW*
-Pre-order for free upgrade to the Nostromo Edition, which includes the bonus content“Crew Expendable”, + an exclusive digital graphic novel
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel *NEW*
-Pre-order and receive the Shock Drop Slaughter Pit FREE
Far Cry 4  *NEW*
-Free Limited Edition upgrade includes Hurk’s Redemption, a series of three-action packed single-player missions. You’ll embark on an epic quest to find a rare artifact while using “The Impaler” harpoon gun
-Amazon-Exclusive pre-order bonus, the Elephant Double-Barrel Rifle
Call of Duty: Advanced War Fighter *NEW*
-Free Day Zero Edition Upgrade: 24 Hour Early Access with Double XP
– two custom weapons, the AK-12G Assault Rifle and CROSSBOW-B2
-Advanced Arsenal Bullet Brass exoskeleton and EM1 Quantum directed energy weapon
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
-Pre-order and receive access to The Dark Ranger
Halo: The Master Chief Collection *NEW*
-Receive FREE Pinata Skull (enemies will drop plasma grenade with every melee)
Assassin’s Creed: Unity *NEW*
-Every single week through launch, Assassin’s Creed is giving away incredible prizes.
The Chemical Revolution MissionExperience an explosive extra mission that involves a genius chemist, a secret formula and a plot for revenge!
The Armor Splitter Axe: Carve through the thickest armor with ease
DriveClub – PS4
-Pre-order for Amazon exclusive instant access to the high-powered Mercedes supercar, access to the RUF RT12 R super car, and a driver level boost
Last of Us Remastered
-Pre-order and receive tons of free content including 100 Supply Points (XP) for use in Factions mode; Bonus Joel Skin for use in the Single Player Campaign (must complete the game once to equip); Bonus Ellie Skin for use in the Single Player Campaign (must complete the game once to equip); Increased Crafting Speed for use in the Single Player Campaign; Increased Healing Speed for use in the Single Player Campaign; 9mm Reload Speed Increase Upgrade for use in the Single Player Campaign; Rifle Clip Capacity Increase Upgrade
Evolve 
-Pre-order for free Monster Expansion Pack
Batman: Arkham Knight 
Pre-order to play as Harley Quinn. Utilize her unique weapons, gadgets, and abilities. Plus, contains 4 Exclusive Challenge Maps

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