Hyrule Warriors, the Complete Halloween, Godzilla, Disney Infinity and more make up this week’s new release recommendations. Shop, save, support Laser Time…
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This game… Yes, I’m on record calling Hyrule Warriors my “Most Anticipated Game of Fall 2014” on a recent Vidjagame Apocalypse, so please know that I’m more disappointed in myself than anything else right now. I told myself I was ready to dive back into the Dynasty Warriors series, but in my defense, I assumed there’d been some evolution to Koei’s rock-stupid slasher franchise since the PS2 days. There has not. And for me personally, no amount of Zelda fan service can make up for the experience of playing a game two generations removed to what we’re playing now. I honestly don’t mean to insult Dynasty Warriors fans, but it must be said: Hyrule Warriors is ugly, stupid and just plain fucking boring. I’m sure you all have your personal definition of what the Zelda series means to you, but to me it’s about elegance. Elegance in control, presentation, and character. You’ll find none of that here, and no cameo or item get jingle can compensate for that IMO. Thanks to knowing people like Brelston, I don’t think I’ve ever referred to myself as “a huge Zelda fan”, but I have played every game in the series, so believe me when I say I get no pleasure out of calling Hyrule Warriors kind of embarrassing, and at worst, outright offensive. You know those CD-i Zelda games from the 90s we all like to make fun of? Hyrule Warriors, to me, is pretty much that. It’s nowhere near as bad, mind you, but it is bad for the same reasons, and it’s the first piece of evidence we’ve had in a long while as to why Nintendo rarely trusts these characters to other developers, and furthermore, why they should probably be more careful about that in the future.
Halloween: The Complete Collection
Ho man, I’m fucking loving these Halloween releases. No, not the movie franchise specifically, but the seasonal releases, which tend to be a huge vote of confidence towards the continued existence of physical media. Such is the case with the complete 15-disc Halloween set, which comes with all TEN Halloween movies, including the Rob Zombie remakes, a shitload of bonus features, and even the never-before released NC-17 Producer’s Cut of Halloween 6(66, the official title, seriously). Goddamn, the Halloween series is insane! The John Carpenter original still holds up as unbelievably great. Part 3 (Season of the Witch) boldly/foolhardily ditches Michael Myers altogether in hopes of turning Halloween into a annual series of unrelated anthology films, and is at least hilarious 80s fun. Part 7 (H20) sees the return of Jamie Lee Curtis, and retcons the existence of parts 3 through 6. A Busta Rhymes starring sequel to that movie becomes the new Halloween 4, ends there, then gets rebooted by Rob Zombie for two more movies. I love the silliness of old Horror Hero films like this, and if you do too, you can do a lot worse than this relatively inexpensive collection.
Theatrhythm: Final Fantasy: Curtain Call
I can’t tell you how much I loved the original Theatrhythum. Before I fell in deep with Monster Hunter, it was absolutely the 3DS game I sunk the most time into. If that’s not enough of a personal endorsement, you should know I’m hardly a Final Fantasy expert. Sure, I’m casually aware of its astounding musical legacy, but I’ve played maybe five games in the series to completion. So the original game was hardly destined to be an insta-hit with me, but with the addictive touch gameplay, adorable presentation, and what I consider the first truly useful implementation of Street Pass functionality, Theatrhythm had me hooked for fucking months. There’s nothing I want more than an excuse to drop bills on the sequel, but times be tight… Somebody convince me!
Just as most of you stated in the comments under the review, I’m more than willing to admit this movie has it’s share of flaws. However, I still enjoyed the shit out of this film, and it’s not as if focusing on vanilla humans isn’t essentially a Toho tradition, even evidenced in the godawful 1997 remake. Bryan Cranston does his best with slightly awful dialog and scant screen time, but yeah, I cared very little for each and every scene involving Magneto’s kids (if you’re not creeped out by this relationship now, see it after Age of Ultron.) Especially the Kick-Ass kid, the closest thing the movie has to a main character under 50-feet tall, who miraculously Forrest Gumps his way into every important scene in the movie. I haven’t watched it since the theatrical premiere, but I can at least confidently claim that Edwards’ Godzilla contains way more stuff I liked than didn’t like.
Disney Infinity 2.0
I recently twatted how I sat and starred at Disney Infinity 2.0 in a Best Buy for literally 20 minutes. “You know you want me, Chris! I’m practically made with you in mind. Fucking buy me, faggot!” Walking away without it honestly felt like overcoming a bully, or kid in a sitcom saying “no” to a barrage of peer pressure to puff on a joint. And that’s not just due to my employment status alone. Just two week ago I managed to put a Glacial White PS4 on my credit card, so there’s honestly no limit to what I can justify! No, it’s more because of what Disney Infinity is. “Play, Create, Share” is the game’s tagline, and I really only want to do one of those things. (And even then, I’d honestly be much happier collecting the figures) I didn’t care at all of the gameplay of the original Disney Infinity, and have zero interest whatsoever in a licensed Minecraft. The reviews for the Marvel-centic game are better but… better than what, Marvel Super Hero Squad? I had to do the responsible thing and step away. Until my finances improve, Disney Infinity will have to be relegated to a bucket listy “things to buy when I’m rich” file… or at least until THAT DONALD DUCK FIG COMES OUT! OH MY GOD, PEOPLE – DONATE PLEASE!
Not to be confused with the utterly insane 1981 comedy starring Dan Akroyd and John Belushi! I didn’t see this, but have the utmost faith that it is lovely. The director wrote The goddamn Muppets reboot, I’m a huge fan the output of Rogen & Goldberg, and I love that this comparatively “little” comedy won the summer up against massive-budgeted blockbusters starring our favorite cartoon characters. Best of all, it’s another win for the R-rated comedy, which I’ll remind you, was almost nonexistent in a pre-Apatow world (unless you were willing to stick your dick in a pie.) While the cynical side of me thinks I’m bound to be tired of the Rogen/Franco schtick, I thought This is The End was actually one of the best comedies in years, so I can’t wait to check this out.
Are you ready… ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FUTBALL?!! I haven’t played this series since the goddamned 90s, but it obviously has its fans around the globe. Does the FIFA series even have any competition in the US anymore? Where ya at Winning Eleven, PES, and/or the Sensible World of Soccer?! You tell me, I’m literally just filling space here.
Attack on Titan – Volume 2
I fucking loved this show, and the personal revelation that it’s been about a year with no new episodes is an absolute bummer. I’m hardly what you’d call an anime fan (although if you are, Laser Time’s got something for that ass) but I fell immediately in love with Attack on Titan’s depressing take on giant slaying. With their blank stares, and I still believe the Titans themselves are this decade’s best/scariest new villain. Believe it. And why is it so hard to Google the whereabouts of the second season, dammit?! Oh, and buyer beware: There are multiple versions of these discs out there, and while I didn’t find a lot of the bonus features particularly compelling, you should definitely do your research before purchasing.
Arrow: Season 2
Haven’t seen Arrow, and likely never will, but it doesn’t mean I’m not curious. By all accounts, Arrow got its shit together much faster than A.G.E.N.T.S. O.F. shield, but I can’t imagine I’ll be taking in any episodes of Arrow any time soon. It’s the double-edged dilemma of being a modern dork! We’re getting a ton of our favorite comics translated into TV shows, but for me, the time commitment involved in watching them all is just too damned much. In the time it takes to watch a season of Arrow, Walking Dead, Agents of Shield and Gotham, I believe I could read approximately one billion comics. If a series does’t grab me from the get-go, I ‘ll jump out and likely never return. That hasn’t happened with Arrow yet, but that’s why I’ve never watched. I like that people I know like it and I don’t want to dismiss it entirely just in case it becomes something undeniably amazing.
Fans of Physical Media: REJOICE! Actually, I’m not sure if such fans exist, but I know there are certainly many gamers out there who live in absolute fear of digital games. Microsoft has a solution for you. But be warned: The contents on this low-priced disc only contain the Combo Breaker pack (for the same price as the digital version.) The disc lacks a ton of worthwhile digital content, including costumes, season two characters, and most importantly IMO, the original Killer Instinct game. It’s only $20, but it’s literally a piecemeal offering for luddites too petrified to purchase digitally, which they’ll have to do eventually assuming they like the game, with nothing but useless piece plastic for their trouble.
Ghostbusters 1 & 2 – 4K Remaster
While 1080p-ready and HDMI-equipped, my television is probably in desperate need of a replacement. Those of you who tuned in for the Destiny stream may have heard me bitch that my TV was damn near too dark to see in those dang moon caves on a sunny afternoon. So… what could make me get off my ass and make such an upgrade? HELLO, FAVORITE MOVIES REMASTERED IN 4K! Look, I know I shouldn’t care, especially given my current financial situation, but watching Ghostbusters in the highest possible resolution is a damn good 4K motivator because I have already seen the light, people! Seriously, I was fortunate enough to see the movie on an ultra-rare, super pristine 70mm print (twice the size of regular analog film) and damned if I didn’t notice new details in a movie I’ve seen a billion times before. That’s worth it to me. My PS4 can display 4K resolution, right? Ghostbusters is the first 4K remaster to catch my eye, but a couple more releases like that and I’ll throw my TV out the goddamned window.
Hannibal: Season 2
AH HA, A series I HAVE seen and wholeheartedly recommend! Hannibal is way better than both NBC and the property itself deserve. Over half 50% of the movies starring Hannibal Lecter are utter dogshit, and the highest-rated network shows are football, dancing/singing competitions, and incredibly unfunny sitcoms. Hannibal is damn near too good for that world. Yet Brian Fuller’s inter-quel series manages to be one of the most subtly paced, intelligently written, visually striking, and best of all, unbelievably gory things coming over the airwaves right now, if not ever. So of course it’s failing in the ratings! But it miraculously got renewed for a third season, after one hell of a placeholder “ending” no less. I can’t recommend the series enough, and you can watch the first season free on Amazon Prime.
CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS:
UPCOMING VIDEO GAME PRE-ORDER BONUSES
listed roughly in order of release date
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
-Pre-order and receive access to The Dark Ranger
Super Smash Bros. 3DS *NEW*
-Contains Super Smash Bros
The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors *LAST CHANCE*
-Pre-order Hyrule Warriors to receive a code to download EXCLUSIVE Twilight Princess costumes for Link and Zelda
Dragon Age: Inquisition
-Deluxe Edition includes Flames of Inquisition Armor, Weapons Arsenal and Armored Mount
Aliens Isolation *NEW*
-Pre-order for free upgrade to the Nostromo Edition, which includes the bonus content “Crew Expendable”, + an exclusive digital graphic novel
Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel
-Pre-order and receive the Shock Drop Slaughter Pit FREE
Far Cry 4
-Free Limited Edition upgrade includes Hurk’s Redemption, a series of three-action packed single-player missions. You’ll embark on an epic quest to find a rare artifact while using “The Impaler” harpoon gun
-Amazon-Exclusive pre-order bonus, the Elephant Double-Barrel Rifle
Call of Duty: Advanced War Fighter
-Free Day Zero Edition Upgrade: 24 Hour Early Access with Double XP
– two custom weapons, the AK-12G Assault Rifle and CROSSBOW-B2
-Advanced Arsenal Bullet Brass exoskeleton and EM1 Quantum directed energy weapon
Halo: The Master Chief Collection *NEW*
-Receive FREE Pinata Skull (enemies will drop plasma grenade with every melee)
Assassin’s Creed: Unity
-Every single week through launch, Assassin’s Creed is giving away incredible prizes.
–The Chemical Revolution Mission: Experience an explosive extra mission that involves a genius chemist, a secret formula and a plot for revenge!
–The Armor Splitter Axe: Carve through the thickest armor with ease
DriveClub – PS4
-Pre-order for Amazon exclusive instant access to the high-powered Mercedes supercar, access to the RUF RT12 R super car, and a driver level boost
-Pre-order for free Monster Expansion Pack
Batman: Arkham Knight
–Pre-order to play as Harley Quinn. Utilize her unique weapons, gadgets, and abilities. Plus, contains 4 Exclusive Challenge Maps