The Rest of The Story: Friends Edition

Rest of the Story

Article by contributor Keegan Hawkeswood.

Everyone has a favorite television show. Whether you love classic comedies or the hottest new crime drama, all television shows have one thing in common: they’re bound to end eventually. The finales of many shows are open-ended, allowing the audience to imagine whatever fates they’d like for their beloved characters. Me on the other hand? I’d prefer to imagine those endings for you.

The Rest of The Story: Friends Edition

From 1994-2004, Friends was the dominant staple of NBC programming. The stories were straight-forward tales of love and life in New York City amongst a group of friends. By the series’ end, main characters Ross and Rachel had finally reunited, Chandler and Monica moved out of the city, Joey left for Los Angeles to pursue his career, and Phoebe and husband Paul Rudd didn’t seem to do much of anything. It’s been ten years since Friends went off the air, leaving us to wonder what new adventures these wacky kids would have gotten into.

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Let’s imagine these futures as episodes of the television show. In The One Where Rachel Accidentally Kills Ross, Rachel and Ross get into another one of their classic fights. I imagine it had something to do with how annoying Ross is about his love of paleontology. Rachel quickly ushers their daughter Emma into the car, hoping to make an easy getaway. Unfortunately, a flustered Rachel accidentally throws the car into reverse, backing into her husband and pinning him between the car and wall of their garage. As Ross’ insides are slowly forced out of his anus, Rachel weeps. The loss of her husband and father of her child is horrendous–but with life insurance, who knows how many new purses she can buy!

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Meanwhile, life in Los Angeles isn’t so easy for Joey Tribbiani (see Joey)–but when his good friends Chandler and Monica come for a visit, you know things are going to get crazy! Or at least they would have. In The One With The Plane Crash, Chandler and Monica don’t make it to L.A. They also don’t make it past the first five minutes of the episode; contract disputes can be a buzzkill for any reunion. Joey, distraught over the loss of his friends, blames himself for suggesting they fly on one of those discount airlines. One bowl of pasta leads to another as Joey eats himself into a food coma, from which he never awakens.

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Finally, in The One With All The Twists, we’re shown how Phoebe was actually responsible for the demise of all the other Friends. In scenes previously unseen, we see how Phoebe convinced Ross that Rachel just couldn’t hear enough about all things dinosaur, aware that he would eventually push Rachel over the edge. We also see how Phoebe had taken on a job at New York’s JFK Airport and tampered with the engine of a certain plane bound for Los Angeles–a trip that she organized to “reunite” her friends that she bailed on at the last moment. In a final chilling scene, we see Phoebe return to her home and give a hearty hello to the skeletal remains of husband Paul Rudd. He’s been dead for years, and Phoebe’s denial has completely unravelled the small amount of sanity she had to begin with.

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So that’s the rest of the story. A rather grim future for America’s favorite friends. Or at least, that’s how I imagine things would have played out. Agree? Surprised that Monica wasn’t the friend who finally snapped? Sound off below and let me know what you think, or tell me how you think things would’ve played out.

Suggestions for future editions of The Rest of The Story? Tweet Keegan on Twitter!

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5 thoughts on “The Rest of The Story: Friends Edition

  1. I like the premise of this column. However, the execution of this one was honestly kinda lame, It’s too grim without really being that funny.

    That being said, I’m curious to see more of this, provided it gets either more imaginative, or funnier.

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