LTV: Three Little Pigs

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Article by contributor Kaleb Heil.

Hello, everybody! This is your new video jockey Kaleb Heil, bringing you the best and the worst of music videos throughout the ages (or at least the 80’s, 90’s, and early 00’s). I’d like to start with one video that grooves with the feel of the whole Laser Time network, a special animated claymation video… Can you guess it?

It’s Green Jelly–a.k.a Green Jello–with their music video The Three Little Pigs!

I remember flipping past the channels and stopping on MTV when this video caught my eye. The video (along with all things claymation) seemed to both catch my interest and disturb my poor young developing mind. Can we all agree claymation is off-putting?

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
Mario Kart x Farming Simulator would be fun to play–make it happen, Nintendo!)

We’re given the somewhat traditional first pig, a hick farmer who moves out to Hollywood…

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

…which is apparently right down the street.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
More than ten years before the film Teeth.

Then we’re formally introduced to the wolf.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Get use to this shot, as it will show up again and again and again and again. Hey, if your claymation is expensive and timely, you’ve got to use some creative tricks.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
“Oh, let’s make it look like he’s miming masturbating too–this’ll blow everybody’s minds! We’re knocking down barriers here!”

So he shows up at the first pig’s house and blows it down, but not before we get some suggestive camera shots.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
Seriously, claymation pigs with teeth. It’s something out of my nightmares…

Next up is the second pig, a stoner, because why not?

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Look at those eyes. They peer into the very existence of the universe.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
“If I smoke pot…and I’m a pig…am I baked ham?”

And like any bud-head who’s had too much California medicine, his house is trashed.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

“Litter”-ally.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
This little piggy went weed, weed, weed all the way home.

Look at him just chilling out, man; he’s got no beef. His farmer brother looks like a narc though. That’s some nice detail having four different bongs, including a skull shaped one, which must be about the size of a pinky fingernail in reality. And then the wolf comes to blow his house down.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
(Hey, if I have to see the animation again, so do you.)

In case it wasn’t blatant enough, there is the obvious huffing and puffing line.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Eat your heart out, Joe Camel.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Let’s all remember this was actually a thing and is responsible for creating a whole generation of smokers and furries.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Now back to the story. The three pigs are now stowed away in the mansion (paid for by their rock-star father “Pig” Nuget), when the big bad wolf comes knocking. We also see the third pig, a swine version of Lex Luthor (Lex Luth-boar?).

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Also, this is the smartest pig’s house. Pee-Wee, anyone?

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
(Hey, if I have to see the animation again, so do you.)

Yep, again.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

And they’re so way up high they don’t even need to have lip-synch animation for their answer–genius! Still, that “uncultured swine” of a wolf needs to be taken care of, so the last pig has things covered.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
“Please, calm yourselves, guys–I got this. And ladies, there’s plenty of white meat to go around.”

And who does the third pig happen to call? Perhaps the police themselves, who–ironically–are also pigs? Nope. With the happiest look anyone has ever had calling out a hit, he rings up…

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

John Rambo!

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs

Fox Hound? I thought you said “Wolf” Hound! Only room for one lone wolf around here!

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
Live for nothing or die for something!

But why not fill up some of the time left in the song by showing something we just saw…

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
(Hey, if I have to see the animation again, so do you.)

Yep, again. Again.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
Ha! The joke’s on you, sheeple!

The end. But really though, the band looks like they have fun.

LTV, laser time, MTV, music video, green jelly, green jello, three little pigs
“Can you believe my parents said I wouldn’t amount to anything!?”

Believe it or not, this song topped the US Billboard charts and reached #17! One of the other reasons I chose it was, according to Wikipedia: “‘Three Little Pigs’ was notable for being the first known music single to debut only in video form; when the music video was first shown on MTV, fans could buy the song on videotape, but not on CD.” And while I never owned the actual tape, a friend of mine did, and we watched it maybe once. Money well spent.

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12 thoughts on “LTV: Three Little Pigs

  1. as far as claymation music videos go, I Stay Away by Alice In Chains creeped me the hell out when I was younger. Green Jelly was just dumb fun.

  2. Enjoyed the article, please please please do an article on Journey’s Separate Ways, I know it is old hat to make fun of that video, but really, it deserves every second of it. That movie is the 80s incarnate. Also “cocaine is a hell of a drug”

      1. I have come back around and actually enjoy that song because it invokes the memory of hilariously dumb that video is. “Hey guys, I need to jam out on the piano so lets bolt it to the side of the shipping container” “Hey, lets all play out instruments, but without the instruments… AIR PIANO!!!” oh man, I got to go watch it now.

  3. I remember seeing this video pop up right before the premiere of Beavis and Butt-head, which I had planned to record since I loved their skits on Liquid Television, so I was prepared to record this video too. I watched that VHS a lot, so the first-ever full-length episode of B&B is forever tied to this music video in my head.

  4. I actually remember watching this video on MTV back in the day. I showed it to my friends when we discovered Youtube many years ago. They couldn’t believe it.

  5. I have a friend who spent a moment loving Green Jellÿ because he thought they had something to do with Metallica. BTW apparently “Ÿ” makes an “o” sound. The more you no.

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