Zero Cringe Fan Fic: Game of Thrones Edition

fan fic, fan fiction, game of thrones

What happens when you take the cringe out of typical Game of Thrones fan fiction? This!

“Wolves and Puppies”

The children burst into the room, all shouting for Lady Catlyn to look at what they had found that day while out in the woods with their father.

“Calm down children, I can’t hear you all at once!” Lady Stark smiled, pleased that they had obviously had such a good time.

“Mother! We found PUPPIES!” Robb-Catlyn’s eldest son-shouted above the others, somewhat quieting his siblings. “We found them in the woods with father and he let us keep them!”

“Please let us keep them!” begged Jon, Ned’s oldest son. Though he was not Catlyn’s child, she loved him just as much as her own children. Jon never knew Catlyn was not his birth mother and the love she bore for him gave him no indication that he was different.

Lady Catlyn looked fondly over her brood, each having pulled a large dire wolf pup from their coats and sheepishly cradling them in their arms. Who could say no?

“Of course,” she laughed “it is time you children had some responsibility anyways.”

The children and puppies alike fell in on her, coating her with kisses. Lord Eddard Stark had appeared in the doorway and chuckled at the sight.

“King Robert will be here soon children. You must all go and wash and dress yourselves. Try to look a little comely for our guests? And Catlyn, are you sure six puppies aren’t too much responsibility?”

“Eddard, you know how much everyone loves puppies! It will be hard to keep them from being spoiled with attention.”

“Do you mean the puppies or the children?” grinned Ned as he reached out to hug his beautiful wife.

“Oh Ned, you’re such a wonderful father.” Catlyn embraced her Lord husband and watched as their children gathered their new puppies and scampered off to prepare for their guests.

“Ned! It has been too long!” King Robert Baratheon bellowed with his arms outstretched. Ned embraced his friend warmly as their wives kissed each others’ cheek.

“I am so happy you and your family have finally arrived to Winterfell- please, come in and ready yourselves. I am sure you are tired and would like to rest before the great feast.”

“Ned, Catlyn. It is so good to see you both doing so well, and blessed with so many beautiful children. Though we only have three now, soon we shall have another.” Queen Cersei said with a little twinkle in her eye.

“Do you mean-” gasped King Robert.

“Aye, we are having another child. It is another little princess this time, your grace.” Cersei replied, her demeanor even more soft and loving towards her husband than every before. It was evident the Queen loved her King husband, and there was no question of the devotion Robert had for her.

“Well this certainly does call for a feast!” laughed Ned as he gave his King and best friend Robert a strong pat on the back.

Prince Joffrey and Prince Tommen gave two exaggerated frowns.

“What are you two so down about at a time like this!” Demanded their King father, playfully.

“We wanted another brother!” Prince Tommen puffed as he dramatically crossed his arms and his older brother Joffrey nodded in agreement. Their beautiful shaggy mops of rich black hair swung into their eyes with such put on disappointment.

“That’s not fair! You both have a brother, it is my turn to have a sister!” Princess Myrcella laughed as she poked her brothers’ sides jokingly. Her hair was also black like her father’s, but she had the same brilliant emerald eyes as her mother. She was certain to be as beautiful as her mother as well as kind.

“But girls are soo gross!” Joffrey and Tommen shouted at her playfully.

“Now children, I think it best if you were to introduce yourselves to the young Starks.” Queen Cersei had placed her hand on her eldest son’s shoulder to encourage him.”No mother,” Joffrey replied pleadingly “but I intended to, honest!”

He turned to the Stark children. “I am Prince Joffrey, heir to the throne. This is my younger sister Princess Myrcella and my younger brother Prince Tommen.” He bowed deeply.

“A Prince shouldn’t have to bow to his subjects!” Robb and Jon blurted out as they quickly tried to bow lower than their Prince.

“Maybe not, but all men deserve common courtesy!” Joffrey said gallantly.

“A fine king he shall be, Robert.” Ned said quietly to his best friend and King.

“Look what we found today! PUPPIES!” Exclaimed Arya, too excited to keep back the news any longer.

“PUPPIES!?” The three Baratheon children shouted as they exchanged glances, eyes sparkling and mouths a-gape.

“Yes, look! We found them in the woods this morning!” Bran said as he produced a puppy from under his arm.

“Oh wow! They’re so cute!” Prince Tommen laughed as Bran’s puppy squirmed into his arms and licked his cheek.

“These are such beautiful puppies,” Princess Myrcella squealed as she held Sansa and Arya’s puppies at the same time. Or tried to, one puppy was just enough to be a handful by themselves- not to mention two at a time!

As Joffrey petted little Rickon’s black pup, he said some what sadly “Boy, I wish I had a puppy as good as any of these.” His eyes looked up to his father.

Before King Robert could say anything, Ned Stark made a sly smile and said “Why, what a coincidence- I just found THREE MORE PUPPIES!!” And he pulled three fluffy, chubby wet-nosed babies from the pockets in his cloak. Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen jumped up excitedly as Lord Stark handed them each their own puppy. Boy puppies for the little Princes and a girl for the Princess.

“This has been such a fine evening.” Said Lady Catlyn as she looked upon the nine children and their nine puppies.

“It is a shame, the new baby won’t have a puppy like the rest of us.” Princess Myrcella noted as she hugged her little girl pup.

“Won’t she?” Ned reached into another pocket and produced a fourth puppy. Another little girl dog.

“Everyone gets a puppy at Winterfell!” Ned handed the puppy to Queen Cersei and laughed robustly.

“Why Eddard, you should change your banner to that of a puppy!” Cersei laughed as she cradled the tiny pup in her hands.

“Now that’s an idea!” Exclaimed Lady Catlyn.

“Agreed!” Said Ned Stark. The very next day new crisp white banners unfurled to reveal a chubby puppy embellished across it. From then on the House of Stark was known far and wide to be the most wonderful castle to visit- second only to the King’s home of course. For everyone who visited received a puppy, and everyone was happy.

Article by contributor Ansli Pemberton

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5 thoughts on “Zero Cringe Fan Fic: Game of Thrones Edition

  1. And now we know the real reason behind all the conflict, death and tragedy going on in Westeros… not enough puppies ):

  2. Having not read the books or seen the show, only heard some of the things that happen, I’m going to say(want to believe) this is part of the canon.

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