The Star Wars VII – The Force Awakens teaser is here!


And boy does it ever tease!

Obviously, Laser Time loves itself some trailers. You shouldn’t have to click too far to see that 75% of my articles pertain to raging prose boners over widescreen marketing materials. However, one of the things I’ve developed through the practice is a true appreciation for is the art of the Teaser. Often acting as short films meant to promote a far off movie, they have to function in a slightly different way. The studio saying, “Hey, we’re not ready to talk plot yet, but here’s some footage to help you remember the release date.” Wall-E had a great teaser. Hell, the original Star Wars had a great teaser. And yeah, I think we can stick this freshly unleashed look at Double J’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens into the mix as a Pretty Great Teaser. Ya made it, buddy – Congrats!

You don’t get shit about the details, just a look at the Star Wars we’ve all wanted to see for thirty years. Fucking tantalizing! It works for me in a big way, and without picking apart every frame for footage for anti-Arams rage fuel, I think it’s only fault is that it mainly works purely because it’s Star Wars. It’s essentially a concept reel the public is getting to see to reassure them this movie probably won’t suck. There’s nothing here that really establishes the tone or the spirit of the film, and it’s a few disjointed scenes that only work if you already have a raging hard-on for the property. But hey, luckily we all do! I’ll leave it to someone else to pick apart, because I’m about to embark on a 30 hour journey across Japan and back into the disgusting United States. Do me proud, comments!

24 thoughts on “The Star Wars VII – The Force Awakens teaser is here!

  1. I don’t want to be someone berating a teaser, but I was hoping they would at least make it seem as if it wasn’t made by fans. That fake fan teaser from last week felt exactly like this. Yes it had the Millennium Falcon, but couldn’t they have had at least had a couple of recognizable faces?

      1. What?! The one single actor from the original trilogy who they DIDN’T get back?

        Here’s the fan trailer I was speaking of. It’s pretty similar, actually.

        Compare it (and I’m sorry to have to do this to y’all) to the teaser trailer for The Phantom Menace, the last time there was a massive gap between Star Wars movies. Yoda! C-3PO! R2-D2! Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker, I know them! The movie ended up terrible, but the teaser was great and was both clearly big-budget and clearly Star Wars. This teaser… it feels like a fan knocked it up in his spare time.

        Couldn’t they at least have shown a bearded Luke Skywalker?

    1. It was a little disappointing that we didn’t see Luke, but I imagine they wanted to use this as an opportunity to introduce the new actors. I’m sure we’ll see some of the old faces in the next trailer.

  2. This trailer was awesome in the sense that it builds the excitement we’ve wanted to have for it. Sadly, this may be the only thing we see of it for the next six months, and no showing of the original cast either, unless you count the Millennium Falcon. The more updated look of the stormtroopers also looks not only more intimidating, but fantastic too.

  3. It looks a lot like JJ’s new Star Trek movies, but since those were basically just Star Wars movies, I guess that’s good. I’m digging the stormtrooper stuff, I hope we get more of them actually being competent.

  4. The shaky cam, dumb speeder bike and tatooine setting left me unimpressed, but man that X-wing shot and engine noise awakened some severe childlike glee.

  5. Seeing the millennium falcon again, and in such motion gave me the shivers. That was amazing!!!!

    I know people were never gonna be completely happy no matter what they showed, but I personally loved it. I liked that it showed us a lot if familiar things, but also a lot of new. I also love the idea of a main character being a (former?) Stormtrooper. At least, I hope he is, and that it wasn’t just a disguise like what Luke and Han did in the first movie.

    Also, to the people complaining about the “dumb” new designs… I’d just like to point out that most of the original star wars designs would feel dumb as well nowadays if it wasn’t for nostalgia. At least these feel way more true to the star wars universe than the vast majority of the shit shown in the prequels.

  6. Said it in the FB comments, but after the backlash over the dual saber, how is no one mentioning this goofy new lightsaber? The rest looks like it could be awesome, but that just looks silly. Also hoping that somehow they didn’t just redo the dressing as stormtrooper bit.

    Imagine a world where Star Wars isn’t a joke again? That’d be nice. Hopefully all goes well and I really hope JJ didn’t blow his load on Trek becuase that’s the type of space movie I was expecting from Star Wars.

    1. I guess it’s because handguards for real swords do exist, and they have a practical use, whereas dual swords never have been practical, and they never could be.

      Of course, the handguard here IS kinda dumb because if another lightsaber were to slide down the length, it would slice trough the connecting tube, making the laser guards useless.

      So probably the real reason behind them is merely to look distinct aesthetically. But again, at least it looks wield-able, whereas a dual lightsaber just isn’t.

      1. The lightsaber was the only thing that left me unimpressed. Maybee the effect hasn’t been totally completed and will look better in the film.

        1. There’s also the chance that there’s more to that lightsaber design than just serve as a cross-guard. Those other two ends could also extend or retract separately at will, making it more visually impressive.

      2. “Of course, the handguard here IS kinda dumb because if another lightsaber were to slide down the length, it would slice trough the connecting tube, making the laser guards useless.”

        This. Because the crossblades don’t actually connect up with the main blade, they can’t really serve their normal intented purpose, which is to catch another sword.

        I’m guessing it’s purely aesthetic. Much like how the original Light Sabers are intented to be laser katanas, this one is meant to be a laser claymore.

  7. You can totally tell they were going for a Darth Maul oh shit type of reveal with the new saber but it kinda falls flat. I get where they were going by trying to put guards on it like a real sword, it just looks sort of stupid. Some things don’t translate to sci-fi that well.

  8. That shot of the X Wings flying over water gave me chills. I fondly remember my childhood days playing in my garden with my X Wing, TIE fighter and Falcon toys. I’m hoping this new movie is loaded with nostalgia.

    Like many have said, I’m hoping the guy at the start is actually a real stormtrooper, it would be great to finally have a character from the Imperial’s point of view. Maybe there can be more shades of grey between the “good guy” rebels and the “bad guy” Imperials.

    I also totally thought that was Benedict Cumberbatch’s voice at the beginning but at the end it doesn’t sound so much like him. I’ve heard Andy Serkis is playing a role in this movie so maybe that’s him? I love me some Serkis.

  9. I gotta say, seeing the Falcon flying through the air with vapor trails left me with goose bumps and the way I see it, JJ can’t do any worse than Lucas did with the Prequels. At least this time we’ll have the Falcon and X-Wings. One thing about the hilted light saber, I don’t mind that there is a hilt, I think it’s silly but whatever, but to me it looks like the light saber is spewing fire, where as the traditional light sabers have a smooth edge to them. I just thought it was weird. I just hope the movie ends up being a good film and something that I’ll watch more than once. Unlike the prequels which I haven’t watched in years, I watch the original trilogy at least once or twice a year.

  10. It’s great to see “real” Star Wars imagery in a Star Wars movie, but I dunno, that’s really the baseline for making a successful sequel. The problem for me with the light saber design is that it’s that thing about “the old movies are sooo OLD, nobody’s gonna care about a regular light saber fight anymore, throw some lava surfing in there or something, put a light saber on that light saber” (see also: dinosaur hybrid). I’m cautiously optimistic about the movie — although, frankly, I liked it better when I was completely apathetic — , but I haven’t been overly impressed by a JayJay Abrams production yet.

  11. I like that JJ seems to be going back to the lived in feel of the original films. I can’t help it, but when that opening music and the shots of the Falcon….goosebumps the first time I saw it.

    I’m usually pretty hit or miss on JJ’s films, but I really feel like he the best person for the job and the kind of person who has wanted to make this film his whole life.

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