Snubs happen every year — that’s just the nature of awards ceremonies. It’s up to us, the writers who think we know better because we make blog posts, to correct these mistakes. So without further adieu, here are Laser Time’s honorary Oscars! [Some spoilers follow.]

Best J. Jonah Jameson Impress: J.K. Simmons as Terence Fletcher, Whiplash

Best Mask Cut from Halloween 3: Frank’s Head, Frank

Best Movie that Took 12 Years to Make: Boyhood

Best Use of a Baseball Bat: The Raid 2

Best Taken Movie of 2014: Non-Stop

Best Animated Feature: The Lego Movie

Best Complimentary Continental Breakfast: The Grand Budapest Hotel

Best Movie about Jon Favreau Eating Food: Chef

Best Cameo: Sebastian Stan as Bucky, Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Best Cloverfield Ripoff: Godzilla

Best Movie that by Its Own Nature Is Inconsequential: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Best Villain Who Terrified You as a Kid but Now You Want to Bang Her: Angelina Jolie as Maleficent, Maleficent

Best Sequel that Outdid the Original: 22 Jump Street

Best Creationist Nightmare: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Best Actor Who Will Get Unnecessarily Shoehorned into Action Movies for the Next 5 Years: Chris Pratt as Star-Lord, Guardians of the Galaxy

Best Turtle on Girl Makeout Session: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Best Actress Doing Something Better with Her Time in Between Filming The Amazing Spider-Man 2: Emma Stone as Sam Riggan, Birdman

Second Best Taken Movie of 2014: A Walk Among the Tombstones

Best Use of Benedict Cumberbatch: The Imitation Game

Best Movie You’ll Mix Up with The Imitation Game: The Theory of Everything

Best X-Men Movie of 2014: Nightcrawler

Best Use of a Box Cutter: Gone Girl

Best Movie Nobody Understood: Inherent Vice

Best Sequel that Doesn’t Require Your to Watch the First 5 Movies: Big Hero 6

Best Movie Featuring Keanu Reeves Shooting Guns that Isn’t The Matrix: John Wick

Best Adapted Screenplay: Interstellar, adapted from that one Daft Punk cartoon

Most Realistic Fake Baby: American Sniper

Best Movie I Thought Was a Salma Hayek Biopic: Selma

Best Michael Scott Impression: Steve Carell as John E. du Pont, Foxcatcher

Second Best Adapted Screenplay: The Gambler, adapted from that one Kenny Rogers song

Best Use of the First Amendment: The Interview

Best Sports Movie: Unbroken

For more awards talk, check out the latest Laser Time episode: Oscar Time 2015!

Tony is an Editor here at Laser Time. Follow him on Twitter so you can tell him he picked the wrong winners for this article.

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