Hey, did you hear? Ghostbusters 3 will have an all-female cast…. or maybe just Channing Tatum and Chris Pratt. My initial reaction was, “Ghostbusters 3? I’m in.” I wouldn’t care if the cast were a group of cats wearing Ghostbusters T-shirts — as long as I hear the sound of a proton pack turning on, I’m happy. But since Ghostbusters 3 will likely be a sequel and not a remake, here are some things Hollywood must do/not do to make us Ghostbust-ees happy.
Keep the theme; don’t remix/remake/dubstep-ify it.
Ray Park Jr.’s Ghostbusters theme, aptly titled “Ghostbusters,” is so damn iconic that whenever “who you gonna call?” comes up in real life, the statistical response will be “Ghostbusters!” ninety percent of the time*.
For example: “Honey, the dry wall is falling apart. Who you gonna call?” “Ghostbusters.” Then everyone laughs, and the real answer comes out: “I dunno, drywall people?”
In the recent Ghostbusters video game, the theme was present (although it didn’t have to play during every damn loading screen…); the devs knew it belonged. Extreme Ghostbusters tried something new and hired Kurt Cobain’s best friend** to “grunge up the theme song.” I liked it as a kid, but I definitely prefer the original now.
With this sequel, let’s not have will.i.am sing; let’s not “Katy Perry” it up. Keep it classy, and keep the original.
Keep the old Proton Packs, but feel free to make them flashier.
The Proton Packs themselves are so iconic that when I wore one, it was the best day of my life. They’re also heavy and pretty gross looking, but that’s because the Ghostbusters are pretty much pest control for ghosts. You’re not going to make a wrench look pretty — it’s a work tool. But you are more than welcome to add to the basic design. Sure, attach some blue lights (think Iron Man) and Wi-Fi/Bluetooth support, why not? These Proton Packs are big, energy-filled things — why couldn’t they tether a cell phone to one?
But you must keep them big and bulky. Remember, they’re carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on their back.
Don’t soup up the Ecto-1.
The Ecto-1 (I know there’s a second, but let’s just stick with the original) is equally iconic. It’s a hearse — whoever came up with that still deserves a goddamn raise. The high pitched “waaa waaa waaa” of the sirens separated it from normal police sirens; that should be kept too. I don’t want to see the Ecto-1 with neon lights or a loud muffler. I’ll allow a chain-link driver wheel, but that’s it.
With that said, the color can certainly be changed. I wouldn’t mind a Black Ecto-3 with the Ghostbusters logo still intact. I wouldn’t mind a vacuum to the roof (always present in the video games, but never once used in the movie). I also wouldn’t mind some stupid advertising on the sides. Just don’t let Xzibit pimp this ride.
Don’t doll up the equipment.
Seeing as this might be a female cast, I would hope Hollywood knows better than to categorize this under “female only.” Yes, the original Ghostbusters was geared toward a male audience, but the toys I grew up were pretty gender-neutral. The PKE Meter was scientific, not “manly.” The traps were colorful, but not specific to a gender. The Ecto Goggles were just ugly looking things.
I just really hope the writers don’t want to give it a “girly feel” by making the goggles pink or having the Proton Packs shoot rainbows. With Hollywood, you never know.
Wink at the audience.
There’s one major thing that geeks love, and that’s a callback. We love when The Simpsons reference Maggie shooting Mr.Burns, we love when Homer tried jumping the gorge in The Simpsons Movie, and we’ll especially love if you have a container in the background filled with marshmallow. Have the toaster hanging around too, or even a reference to Slimer — pretty much what the Ghostbusters video game did. Do that.
Pass the torch.
Without Harold Ramis around, I will never truly feel like the Ghostbusters can come back. It’s like watching Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr: you’re not seeing The Beatles. But how will the new cast be the next Ghostbusters? Do they just apply for the job?
You could even have Dr. Venkman talk about how the team couldn’t keep going without Egon. We can’t ignore it; it’ll be an elephant in the room. And don’t say “he’s on vacation,” because that’s not Egon. Harold Ramis will always be a Ghostbuster, and without him there is no Ghostbusters.
With all that said, Ghostbusters 3 has one thing: confirmation. This rumor has been circulating since Ghostbusters 2, but now there’s an actual cast (or casts, really). Like the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, these aren’t my Ghostbusters, but I’ll give it a shot. Plus, it’s a great list of talent.
*No real statistics exist.
**Also not true.
Article by contributor Kevin Sousa.