LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!


Will you have a WrestleMania moment with the most accurate predictions of tonights show? If so, you can win your choice of closing song on an upcoming episode of Cheap Popcast! Read on for Dave, Henry, Chris, and Grimm’s WrestleMania 31 picks, and then make yours!

As we’ve been doing for awhile now, the reader who makes the most correct predictions gets to pick the song that plays at the conclusion of next month’s episode of Cheap Popcast! First, though, a recap of the LT gang’s Fastlane picks: it was a close one, but Brett‘s five picks out of seven edged out Henry and Dave‘s four correct choices. We’re still tabulating the predictions from last month, but don’t worry, we’ll have it figured out by the time our next recording rolls around.

Anywho, here’s how the prediction contest goes. I’m going to make my picks in this here article, and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/double DQ) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker.

What does the winning commenter get, though? Well, you can make your mark on the next PPV-themed Cheap Popcast episode by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of the final match listed) and I’ll give you a shout-out on next month’s episode. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LT dude’s predictions (images captured from our WWE streams)!



1- WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro vs. The New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos (Fatal 4-Way)

A part of me hopes this will be an elimination match, but I doubt it, given how slapdash this has been put together (proof: The Matadores, doing their first meaningful thing since 3MB broke up). While I have the utmost confidence that all eight participants will tear the house down, I don’t have that same confidence in the WWE to maintain an active tag team division. To that end, while I want Kiddsaro to win, I’m predicting an Usos win to tie into their father Rikishi’s Hall of Fame induction.

2- 2nd Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (Announced participants: The Miz, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Damien Mizdow, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor, Viktor, and Hideo Itami)

Last year, Cesaro won the Andre Royal out of nowhere (seriously, he was an unnanounced participant) and had a subsequently half-assed push. This year, I think the WWE will go with a more established name in a current storyline. I don’t think it’ll be Sheamus (all of those “returning soon” vignettes make it seem like he’ll be a Raw night returnee), nor do I think Miz or Mizdow to win (they’re almost too popular). The wrestler I think fits the “big enough to capitalize on a battle royal win” push best? Ryback, who finally gets a WrestleMania moment after two years of chumpiness.

3- Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

I have high hopes that this one could steal the show; for as much as WWE has bungled Orton’s return, they’ve been semi-smart to keep the two from having many meaningful matches in the buildup. While there’s a slight chance of a Rollins win, I think his MITB cash-in is imminent, which also means he’ll mount a big loss or two beforehand. Orton wins.

4- Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan (Ladder Match)

Oddly enough, as much as I like Daniel Bryan (he’s the only WWE star I have two shirts for!), I’d rather see Dean Ambrose win this match; he’s spent almost his entire post-Shield run jobbing to Seth Rollins and Bray Wyatt and could desperately use a title run as rehabilitation. However, I’ve had the idea of a Roman-Cena-Bryan title-holding staredown closing WrestleMania rolling around in my head for weeks, and for that to happen, I have to predict that Bryan wins.

5- United States Champion Rusev vs. John Cena

See above. Not only am I okay with Cena breaking Rusev’s “DQ and countout losses only” streak, I’m actually looking forward to the concept of a US Champion John Cena. Here’s the bright side; if the WWE had someone else break the streak, there would be a very large chance they’d bungle the post-win push. That can’t happen with Cena because HE’S ALWAYS BEING PUSHED. Cena wins and reverts to the spinner US belt by the end of the night.

6- The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt

Last year, I’m pretty sure only one of the dozens of predictions had Brock going over. This time, at least, I think there’s a bit of mystery to whether ‘Taker wins or not. I’m in the camp that he loses again, the world wonders if he’s lost his cool a la The Fonz, and he comes back to win his last match at the WrestleMania in his home state next year. Bray Wyatt wins, though I’m not as confident he’ll get a Brock-level push afterwards.

7- Sting vs. Triple H

This one is as close to a lock as possible on this card (so watch it end up being wrong). I’m not so sure Sting has more than one match left in the tank, and Triple H is teflon… seriously…he hasn’t won a match since WrestleMania 29! As we say every time a wrestling stream skips… Sting wins!

8- AJ Lee & Paige vs. The Bella Twins

I really hope the WWE #givesdivasachance at WrestleMania, and I think these four are the best non-NXT workers to do it. I’m hoping they get a good 8-10 minutes, and we get a lot of Nikki power moves, but I really want to see Brie break out and steal this match. It’s a shame the outcome is kinda meaningless, but I say AJ and Paige, leading to both claiming a Diva’s title opportunity.

9- WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

Boy, am I glad that Brock’s re-signing added a slight bit of mystery to the outcome. Still, I don’t think Roman would be paraded around on Conan and other shows like he’s been this week if the WWE didn’t have intentions of a title win. I saw Roman wins in 20 minutes, that staredown happens, and Brock beats up a bunch of dudes before ‘Taker gets his win back.

Up next… Hank’s picks!

16 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!

  1. 1. Brass Ring Club. Usos winning makes sense for HOF induction, but that’s passed, not really a reason to take the belts off the champs here.
    2. Kane
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. John Cena
    6. Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. Bellas win because of dissension! (Really hope they do a half arsed Ascenion break-up just to say Ascension dissension)
    9. Brock Lesnar wins in 34, Rollins cashes in

  2. 1. Kidd & Cesaro
    2. Mizdow
    3. Rollins
    4. Bryan
    5. Cena
    6. Taker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ and Paige
    9. Lesnar, Rollins Cashes in

  3. 1. Brass Ring Club
    2. Ryback
    3. Rollins
    4. Barret (because he has been a losing streak)
    5. Rusev (Lana will help him)
    6. Wyatt (Taker loses 2 Mania’s in a row, then Wins Next year to retire)
    7. Sting
    8. Beer and Popcorn
    9. Roman wins but causes a Brock Face turn
    10. The fans

    So my 10 week old daughter likes watching wrestling because of the colors so based on the wrestlers she watches the most with out getting distracted.

    1. none
    2. Ryback
    3. none
    4. Daniel Bryan
    5. none
    6. none
    7. none
    8. none
    9. Roman Reigns

  4. 1. The Usos
    2. Damien Mizdow
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. Rusev
    6. The Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ Lee & Paige
    9. Roman Reigns in 25

  5. Tag Team Match: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Natalya) retain. – GO BRASS RING CLUB! (CLAP CLAP CLAP FACT!)
    André the Johnson- Memorial Battle Royal – Going to say Hideo Itami. He eliminates Damien Mizdow. I was going to say surprise guest Shamus, but I don’t feel like they’ll re-introduce him on the pre-show….
    Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match – Daniel Bryan (Although this was the toughest pick of the night.)
    Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins (with J&J Security) –Randy Orton for a quick win, I hate to think that it’s WrestleMania and so (all the bad guys loose) but the way they’ve been building it’s usually the case. Also, you don’t usually come out with security guards and win.
    Sting vs. Triple H- Sting for sure. – I hope he has an awesome entrance, maybe even like the WWE 15 commercial where an orchestra comes out in face paint, and plays his REAL theme.)
    The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt – Undertaker. Last year at WrestleMania I forgot to include Undertaker’s match in my predictions, and look what happened. He’s going to beat Bray Wyatt and swallow him into darkness with him at the end of the match, making Bray return as The Undertakers new acolyte/Mordaci i.e. Basically even more spooky powered up Bray Wyatt.
    AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Brie Bella and Nikki Bella) The Bella’s. Paige and AJ. (Or Peej for you Beyond Good and Evil fans out there.) needs decent win, but even though this isn’t for the belt, I still see them losing. Although I can see AJ and Paige putting the twins in simultaneous submission moves for a cool spot.
    Rusev (c) vs. John Cena (with Lana) – John Cena! With an entrance sooo Patriotic it will bring Dan Ryckart to tears. THE CHAMP is here, and hopefully so will the spinner belt.
    Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns – Roman Reigns, because he’s Vince’s new guy. (It’s going to be awesome to see Roman coming down Levi’s® Stadium’s stairs. Hope maybe he walks passed you guys and you get on camera. (22:40) I don’t think Seth Rollins cashes in, at least tonight…but if he does he won’t win. Reigns is the new Rock (metaphorically) that Vince sees he can build the future on, at least for now.

  6. 2nd year in a row the champ lost the belt without losing. This year I thought that either Lesnar would beat Reigns and maybe fend off a possible cash in , or you would get to see Lesnar get beat. We got neither. Instead we got a cheap feeling finish 😛 I know I’m in the minority but, at least let the two finish their match first.

    1. I thought it was a good end, Rollins will have to face Brock. Far more interesting than Rollins VS Reigns Probably at Extreme Rules, so Rollins can use whatever and not be in a straight match which would make either still look good. Brock Rollins Extreme Rule sounds GREAT, especially after that Rumble triple threat. Brock will take the hits, and Rollins gives some good ones.

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