LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!



1- WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro vs. The New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos (Fatal 4-Way)

The Tag division seems to be the hoariest part of the WWE at the moment, and until they find a way to stop repackaging the same 8-10 guys in slight variations on the same match, #IDFWU. Kidd & Cesaro retain.

2- 2nd Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (Announced participants: The Miz, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Damien Mizdow, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor, Viktor, and Hideo Itami)

Mark Henry, Big Show AND Kane?? How lucky can we get! Since we all know these three are gonna hang around until the end, the dream “Miz eliminated by Mizdow” finish seems unlikely, though it’ll probably happen at some point during the match. That means a certain corn beef chomping mick from the Emerald Isle seems likely to make an appearance (according to the internet, which is never wrong) and take the win. Here’s hoping they give Hideo a solid push though. Sheamus wins.

3- Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

Despite the kinda low stakes, I’m looking forward to this one. Seems like Rollins could cash the briefcase in after this no matter what the outcome, so I’ll go ahead and say Rollins for no other reason than I like him better than Orton. Rollins wins.

4- Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan (Ladder Match)

Bryan, Ziggler, and Ambrose seem tailor made for a ladder match and I assume the biggest spots are gonna revolve around them. Despite my distaste for Goat Boy, his winning makes the IC title matter, though I’d of course love to see Stardust win and give him something other to do than be a low-mid card oddity. Bryan wins.

5- United States Champion Rusev vs. John Cena

I never thought I could give a shit about Cena, but here we are. Pulling him off the main stage and having him lose has made him a lot easier to root for, especially because he fits nicely into the ol Rocky plot. Seems like it’s time to wrap this shit up though, so Cena wins.

6- The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt

If I wasn’t so convinced that the WWE still doesn’t really know what to do with Bray other than oddball B stories that seem totally abstracted from the rest of the WWE roster, I’d say he has a chance to beat Undertaker for the massive push it’d give him. But because I don’t believe they don’t have a direction for him, he’s not getting that push. Taker wins, and hopefully Kid Rock plays his old American Badass theme so I can throw a my $20 beer at him.

7- Sting vs. Triple H

If they have Sting lose after all of this I can’t possibly imagine what they’ll do with him after (except fight Taker at 32). Sting wins, unless they’re trying to recreate last year’s level of Undertaker outrage.

8- AJ Lee & Paige vs. The Bella Twins

Two tag teams that sort of actively hate each other is a solid gimmick, but that gimmick usually plays better when the face-ier of the two implode. Bella Twins win, while I pine for the fantastic Charlotte Flair/Sasha Banks match from NXT.

9- WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

It still seems too early to depose Brock from his King Shit of Fuck Mountain position, especially given that he’s sticking around. Reigns needs more time, and him winning after such a short and obvious push seems to flagrantly ignore the completely negative reaction his whole push has received thusfar. It pains me to say it, but even the WWE isn’t that tonedeaf.” Unless they are. They probably are. Okay, they are. Reigns Wins.

Up next… Chris’ picks!

16 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!

  1. 1. Brass Ring Club. Usos winning makes sense for HOF induction, but that’s passed, not really a reason to take the belts off the champs here.
    2. Kane
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. John Cena
    6. Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. Bellas win because of dissension! (Really hope they do a half arsed Ascenion break-up just to say Ascension dissension)
    9. Brock Lesnar wins in 34, Rollins cashes in

  2. 1. Kidd & Cesaro
    2. Mizdow
    3. Rollins
    4. Bryan
    5. Cena
    6. Taker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ and Paige
    9. Lesnar, Rollins Cashes in

  3. 1. Brass Ring Club
    2. Ryback
    3. Rollins
    4. Barret (because he has been a losing streak)
    5. Rusev (Lana will help him)
    6. Wyatt (Taker loses 2 Mania’s in a row, then Wins Next year to retire)
    7. Sting
    8. Beer and Popcorn
    9. Roman wins but causes a Brock Face turn
    10. The fans

    So my 10 week old daughter likes watching wrestling because of the colors so based on the wrestlers she watches the most with out getting distracted.

    1. none
    2. Ryback
    3. none
    4. Daniel Bryan
    5. none
    6. none
    7. none
    8. none
    9. Roman Reigns

  4. 1. The Usos
    2. Damien Mizdow
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. Rusev
    6. The Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ Lee & Paige
    9. Roman Reigns in 25

  5. Tag Team Match: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Natalya) retain. – GO BRASS RING CLUB! (CLAP CLAP CLAP FACT!)
    André the Johnson- Memorial Battle Royal – Going to say Hideo Itami. He eliminates Damien Mizdow. I was going to say surprise guest Shamus, but I don’t feel like they’ll re-introduce him on the pre-show….
    Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match – Daniel Bryan (Although this was the toughest pick of the night.)
    Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins (with J&J Security) –Randy Orton for a quick win, I hate to think that it’s WrestleMania and so (all the bad guys loose) but the way they’ve been building it’s usually the case. Also, you don’t usually come out with security guards and win.
    Sting vs. Triple H- Sting for sure. – I hope he has an awesome entrance, maybe even like the WWE 15 commercial where an orchestra comes out in face paint, and plays his REAL theme.)
    The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt – Undertaker. Last year at WrestleMania I forgot to include Undertaker’s match in my predictions, and look what happened. He’s going to beat Bray Wyatt and swallow him into darkness with him at the end of the match, making Bray return as The Undertakers new acolyte/Mordaci i.e. Basically even more spooky powered up Bray Wyatt.
    AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Brie Bella and Nikki Bella) The Bella’s. Paige and AJ. (Or Peej for you Beyond Good and Evil fans out there.) needs decent win, but even though this isn’t for the belt, I still see them losing. Although I can see AJ and Paige putting the twins in simultaneous submission moves for a cool spot.
    Rusev (c) vs. John Cena (with Lana) – John Cena! With an entrance sooo Patriotic it will bring Dan Ryckart to tears. THE CHAMP is here, and hopefully so will the spinner belt.
    Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns – Roman Reigns, because he’s Vince’s new guy. (It’s going to be awesome to see Roman coming down Levi’s® Stadium’s stairs. Hope maybe he walks passed you guys and you get on camera. (22:40) I don’t think Seth Rollins cashes in, at least tonight…but if he does he won’t win. Reigns is the new Rock (metaphorically) that Vince sees he can build the future on, at least for now.

  6. 2nd year in a row the champ lost the belt without losing. This year I thought that either Lesnar would beat Reigns and maybe fend off a possible cash in , or you would get to see Lesnar get beat. We got neither. Instead we got a cheap feeling finish 😛 I know I’m in the minority but, at least let the two finish their match first.

    1. I thought it was a good end, Rollins will have to face Brock. Far more interesting than Rollins VS Reigns Probably at Extreme Rules, so Rollins can use whatever and not be in a straight match which would make either still look good. Brock Rollins Extreme Rule sounds GREAT, especially after that Rumble triple threat. Brock will take the hits, and Rollins gives some good ones.

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