LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!



1- WWE Tag Team Champions Tyson Kidd & Cesaro vs. The New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. The Usos (Fatal 4-Way)

There’s a 10+ year gap my wrestling viewership, but I swear there used to be some importance to tag team matches. I’m so sick of watching the Usos in particular, so I predict I go unconscious every time Cesaro’s not in the ring. The winner of this obligatory freemium match will of course be the same as every PPV: Diet Mountain Dew.

2- 2nd Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal (Announced participants: The Miz, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Jack Swagger, Titus O’Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Damien Mizdow, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor, Viktor, and Hideo Itami)

Mizdow is the Krusty’s Kough Syrup in this Flaming Moe hodgepodge so I really wanna see him win. Preferably against Miz.

3- Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins

Honestly, I like Orton as a good guy way more than I thought. Wanna see Rollins win, but mostly for the sake of Orton’s character. Were that to be the case, it’d virtually guarantee a deliciously dirty victory Rollins and a reason for Orton to fight another day.

4- Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan (Ladder Match)

I predict Daniel Bryan gets his hands on the prize, but right when its unclasped, his trunks fall down, he shits himself, goes into a coma and Henry cries. Henry also shits himself.

5- United States Champion Rusev vs. John Cena

Cena will probably win, but I’ve read rumors that Vladimir Putin is in San Jose, so I hope he rushes the ring during a Rusev submission and shirtlessly rides Cena through the exit for the glory of mother Russia.

6- The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt

The Undertaker defeats Wyatt, but only with the help of a magical potion he steals from Wyatt’s boudoir backstage. Gracefully accepting defeat, Wyatt will then reveal that the potion was tap water and the power was within the undertaker all along before fading away like a fat Obi-Wan, leaving behind only a beard and a sweaty wifebeater.

7- Sting vs. Triple H

The match I’m most looking forward to! I want Sting to win, but Triple H is in dire need of a victory. Here’s hoping for Sting in a Sting mask!

8- AJ Lee & Paige vs. The Bella Twins

The line in the bathroom will be too long, but so will the queue at the hot dog stand, so I’ll opt for a pretzel instead. By the time I realize that the salt has completely dehydrated me, it’ll be too late for a beer because AJ & Page will already be victorious.

9- WWE World Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns

I hate to beat a dead horse, but I’ve seen nothing in Reigns that could ever justify a victory over the physical kind of shit Lesnar has been doing over the last year. There’s no straightforward way to get a clean victory over Lesnar believably, and so you know I’m not anti-Reigns, the exact same could be said of Danial Bryan, crybabies! Prove me wrong, WWE. You’ve done a tremendous job in making me believe Lesnar is an unstoppable monster, and I look forward to seeing the beast tamed in an interesting way even if it’s not at Wrestlemania 31.

So there you have it! Leave your picks below and don’t forget to list a main-event running time for a tiebreaker, and a YouTube link to your episode-closing wrestler theme. Good luck!

16 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE WrestleMania 31 predictions: make yours too!

  1. 1. Brass Ring Club. Usos winning makes sense for HOF induction, but that’s passed, not really a reason to take the belts off the champs here.
    2. Kane
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. John Cena
    6. Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. Bellas win because of dissension! (Really hope they do a half arsed Ascenion break-up just to say Ascension dissension)
    9. Brock Lesnar wins in 34, Rollins cashes in

  2. 1. Kidd & Cesaro
    2. Mizdow
    3. Rollins
    4. Bryan
    5. Cena
    6. Taker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ and Paige
    9. Lesnar, Rollins Cashes in

  3. 1. Brass Ring Club
    2. Ryback
    3. Rollins
    4. Barret (because he has been a losing streak)
    5. Rusev (Lana will help him)
    6. Wyatt (Taker loses 2 Mania’s in a row, then Wins Next year to retire)
    7. Sting
    8. Beer and Popcorn
    9. Roman wins but causes a Brock Face turn
    10. The fans

    So my 10 week old daughter likes watching wrestling because of the colors so based on the wrestlers she watches the most with out getting distracted.

    1. none
    2. Ryback
    3. none
    4. Daniel Bryan
    5. none
    6. none
    7. none
    8. none
    9. Roman Reigns

  4. 1. The Usos
    2. Damien Mizdow
    3. Randy Orton
    4. Dolph Ziggler
    5. Rusev
    6. The Undertaker
    7. Sting
    8. AJ Lee & Paige
    9. Roman Reigns in 25

  5. Tag Team Match: Tyson Kidd and Cesaro (with Natalya) retain. – GO BRASS RING CLUB! (CLAP CLAP CLAP FACT!)
    André the Johnson- Memorial Battle Royal – Going to say Hideo Itami. He eliminates Damien Mizdow. I was going to say surprise guest Shamus, but I don’t feel like they’ll re-introduce him on the pre-show….
    Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match – Daniel Bryan (Although this was the toughest pick of the night.)
    Randy Orton vs. Seth Rollins (with J&J Security) –Randy Orton for a quick win, I hate to think that it’s WrestleMania and so (all the bad guys loose) but the way they’ve been building it’s usually the case. Also, you don’t usually come out with security guards and win.
    Sting vs. Triple H- Sting for sure. – I hope he has an awesome entrance, maybe even like the WWE 15 commercial where an orchestra comes out in face paint, and plays his REAL theme.)
    The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt – Undertaker. Last year at WrestleMania I forgot to include Undertaker’s match in my predictions, and look what happened. He’s going to beat Bray Wyatt and swallow him into darkness with him at the end of the match, making Bray return as The Undertakers new acolyte/Mordaci i.e. Basically even more spooky powered up Bray Wyatt.
    AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins (Brie Bella and Nikki Bella) The Bella’s. Paige and AJ. (Or Peej for you Beyond Good and Evil fans out there.) needs decent win, but even though this isn’t for the belt, I still see them losing. Although I can see AJ and Paige putting the twins in simultaneous submission moves for a cool spot.
    Rusev (c) vs. John Cena (with Lana) – John Cena! With an entrance sooo Patriotic it will bring Dan Ryckart to tears. THE CHAMP is here, and hopefully so will the spinner belt.
    Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns – Roman Reigns, because he’s Vince’s new guy. (It’s going to be awesome to see Roman coming down Levi’s® Stadium’s stairs. Hope maybe he walks passed you guys and you get on camera. (22:40) I don’t think Seth Rollins cashes in, at least tonight…but if he does he won’t win. Reigns is the new Rock (metaphorically) that Vince sees he can build the future on, at least for now.

  6. 2nd year in a row the champ lost the belt without losing. This year I thought that either Lesnar would beat Reigns and maybe fend off a possible cash in , or you would get to see Lesnar get beat. We got neither. Instead we got a cheap feeling finish 😛 I know I’m in the minority but, at least let the two finish their match first.

    1. I thought it was a good end, Rollins will have to face Brock. Far more interesting than Rollins VS Reigns Probably at Extreme Rules, so Rollins can use whatever and not be in a straight match which would make either still look good. Brock Rollins Extreme Rule sounds GREAT, especially after that Rumble triple threat. Brock will take the hits, and Rollins gives some good ones.

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