The Best New Amazon Releases: GTA5 for PC, Buddy

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PC versions that anger Florida lawyers, a double dose of DLC, and some WWE discs all arrive this week!

Howdy pardners! Another Tuesday means another round-up of the latest new releases on Amazon, as well as a few comic book recommendations and upcoming game pre-orders, all in the name of supporting your pals at Laser Time! Even if you’re not interested in said product below or on our right-hand sidebar, using them to enter Amazon to make a purchase will net us a small commission that helps us keep the lights on. Of course, there’s always the more direct method, like checking out our new commentary tracks for the Avengers this week! But these Amazon purchases have the added benefit of costing you nothing, and if enough folks do it, you could help us significantly. Happy shopping, friends!

Grand Theft Auto 5 for PC
It’s undeniably a slow week in the realm of games when a PC port headlines the Amazon list, but this has to be the biggest PC port in a long time. Grand Theft Auto V (or 5 for people that like SEO/spelling things wrong) hits personal computers this week. That means the best graphics, playing with whatever controller set-up you want, and mods, mods, MODS! This is also based on the spiffier PS4/Xbone version of GTA5, so that also means you’ll get a first person mode for enjoying this hard-edged piece satire of America’s excesses.

Assassin’s Creed Chronicles: China
Oh, were you hoping Assassin’s Creed would take a break after the very troubled Unity? Fat chance, bro! The Brotherhood is already back with a stand alone DLC series that explores some of the other assassins that have been stabbing away through the centuries. This 2.5D adventure’s first chapter is now out on just about every platform, and stars Shao Jun, the Chinese assassin last seen by AC completest in the short film, Embers. It’s getting good reviews so far, with some of its best compliments coming from comparisons to classic Prince of Persia. Hey, that reminds me: Where the hell is a new Prince of Persia?

Mario Kart 8 DLC
Speaking of other things you can download, Mario Kart 8 gets its second helping of DLC today, and who knows, you might have already bought it back in September and forgot about. This set comes with 8 additional tracks – both new and classic – plus new racers coming all the way from Animal Crossing. The game has great gameplay and a fantastic soundtrack, so you don’t need much of an excuse to pull out your copy of the game, or finally bite the bullet to pick up the disc and/or a Mario Kart 8 Wii U system bundle. Plus, this week you also get the new 200cc mode, for all teh hardcorez out there who humblebrag to their friends that 150cc is just too easy.

Taken 3
Who knew that seeing an older man torture kidnappers could become one of the most successful franchises of the last decade? Liam Neeson, that grey fox (not to be confused with The Grey where he fights wolves), is back on a path of murder and mayhem as he puts to use his certain set of skills. This time Liam is framed for murder, so he has to hunt down some terrorist a-hole while also running from the LAPD. Honestly, this didn’t get such good reviews from critics, but if you’ve been following the series this long, you may as well take this ride to the very end.

The Marine 4: Moving Target
This may come as a shock to you, but WWE not only produces wrestling– sorry, sports entertainment– but they also produce a number of films, most of which head to directly to DVD. If anything is WWE Film’s marquee series, it’s The Marine, though it has gone from a star vehicle for John Cena to a disc release featuring Hollywood goof The Miz for the second time in a row. This action-adventure romp also has the acting debut of fellow wrestler/sports entertainer Summer Rae, who backs up the Miz in shooting and stabbing fools. I’m sure their characters have actual names, but how can you refer to them as anything but The Miz and Summer Rae? Also, where the heck is Damien Mizdow in this film? Are they saving it for The Marine 5: Dance of Daggers?

WWE: Fast Lane 2015
So, for the price of a month of the WWE Network, you can own a DVD of the pre-WrestleMania 31 PPV, Fast Lane. This had some good matches, though mainly worked as the prelude to WrestleMania, setting up basically every big match that happened there. This included one of Roman Reigns’ best matches to date when he took on my favorite WWE performer, Daniel Bryan, in the main event. If you want to experience Fast Lane just as the Laser Time crew did, get a copy of this year’s Oscars and watch both side-by-side. They sync up in unexpected ways.

The Walking Deceased
Yes, somehow, SOMEHOW, the Scary/Epic/Date Movie sewage pipe continues to spew out shit piles of “comedy” even without any of the original producers still involved. This time around they’re mocking The Walking Dead about four years too late. I expect a lot of bad actors who can’t believe they said yes, and the answer to the question “Can a zombie fart?” This is some prime hate-watch material.

 

Bio-Dome
It took far too long, but The Weasel’s sci-fi classic is finally out on HD discs. It’s hard to imagine a time when scientist thought enclosed micro-climates were the way of the future, let alone that the concept was so mainstream that you could actually make an entire comedy based on that one topic. Seeing this now makes me nostalgic for the days of mocking Paulie Shore instead of looking at the man with extreme pity.

CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS:

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME PRE-ORDER BONUSES
listed roughly in order of release date

State of Decay: Year One Survival Edition  *NEW*
-Pre-order for FREE the Prepper’s Pack, which includes the SUV, SKS Firearm and Folding Axe
-EXCLUSIVE: Android pre-order bonus: a next-generation box cutter infused with the best that modern technology has to offer. Ergonomic grip, perfectly-angled blade, and an edge that never wears out
Final Fantasy X|X-2 HD Remaster Limited Edition
 

-Pre-order Final Fantasy X-X2 HD now to receive the Limited Edition. Includes a 2015-2016 calendar featuring X/X-2 Yoshitaka Amano artwork.
The Witcher III: Wild Hunt  
-Pre-order and receive Amazon-exclusive 48-page hardcover comic FREE
Payday 2: Crimewave Edition  *NEW*
-Pre-order before the release date to receive the “Hardtime Loot Bag.”
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain *NEW*
-Pre-order the Day 1 Edition to get a physical map + DLC content which includes: • Adam-ska Special Handgun • Personal Ballistic Shield (Silver) • Wetland Cardboard box • Fatigues outfit (Blue Urban Snake Costume) • Metal Gear Online XP boost
Project CARS
-Pre-order and recieve FREE Modified Car Pack
Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor 2 Record Breaker
-Pre-order and receive free bonus soundtrack
Batman: Arkham Knight 
Pre-order to play as Harley Quinn. Utilize her unique weapons, gadgets, and abilities. Plus, contains 4 Exclusive Challenge Maps
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Siege  *NEW*
-Pre-order for FREE guaranteed Beta Access

 

One thought on “The Best New Amazon Releases: GTA5 for PC, Buddy

  1. I think its time for a Weasel bluray anthology set! Feat such classics as Encino Man, Jury Duty, In the Army Now and Son in law! Jesus, he was to comedy films what Segal was to the action genre! Horrible but still fascinating to watch. Think I have my next article; dibbs yo.

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