Laser Time – Worst Superhero Movies

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Today the multiplexes are dominated by caped crusaders, iron men and dark knights, but the road to bigscreen Super Stardom makes for one bumpy origin story…

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29 thoughts on “Laser Time – Worst Superhero Movies

  1. This episode is GREAT, and you touched on a subject my fiancee and I have talked about a bunch recently: actors who have played Marvel and DC characters (we don’t count Vertigo)

    Here’s what we have:

    Ryan Reynolds (Green Lantern and Deadpool)
    Josh Brolin (Jonah Hex and Thanos)
    Ben Affleck (Daredevil and, soon, Batman)
    Halle Berry (Catwoman and Storm)
    Michael Clark Duncan (Kilowog and Kingpin)
    Laurence Fishburne (Silver Surfer and Perry White)

    Here’s where we start to get complicated: characters who are not from the comics, but in Marvel/DC films and also TV actors (from Arrow, Flash etc)

    James Marsden (Cyclops/some reporter in Superman Returns)
    Tommy Lee Jones (Two-Face and Colonel Chester Phillips in the first Captain America)
    Vinnie Jones (Juggernaut and Danny Brickwell in Arrow)
    Chin Han (Mr Lau in The Dark Knight, Councilman Yin in Winter Soldier, also he was in Arrow I think, notably NO actual comics characters)
    Rila Fukushima (Yukio in The Wolverine and Katana in Arrow)

    If you open the game up to animation it gets crazy of course, but go nuts. I think it’s a fun game. PLUS I’ve just done half your research for you Chris.

    1. James Marden was Perry’s cousin and dating Lois in Superman Returns, was a major character. Otherwise, good list.

      1. I’d remembered he was a major character and Lois’s beau, but I had no idea he was Perry’s cousin! It’s been years since I saw it.

        In fact, the first thing I thought when I read that was “Wait, he’s related to Perry? How does that work? Isn’t Perry black?”

        1. Kelly Hu is Lady Deathstrike and somebody in a White Wig on Arrow? Or the Flash? I dunno, I just saw her at the Denver Comiccon and they said she was in Arrow or Flash, I don’t remember.

  2. Awesome topic! My personal pick would have to go to Elektra I think, with a dishonourable mention to ASM2.

    1. Dude, ASM2 is indeed a lame movie, but nowhere near as bad as any of the movies of this list and many others. Same with x men 3 and spiderman 3 or man of steel. All of those piss people off, but they are at least competently made for the most part.

      1. I would disagree, watching ASM2 is as much a painful experience as Catwoman or X-Men Origins for me, just without any of the “so bad it’s funny’ parts. I get no joy from it, the story seems like it was written by a toddler and most of the performances are garbage.

        1. I’m pretty sure a lot of that is your inner fan talking, and also that you watched it rather recently. As time passes, I assure you that you’ll feel less and less strongly about it. Again, it’s a bad movie, but it isn’t insultingly bad, not really.

          X-Men Origins might be down there with the worst of them though, I won’t argue there.

          1. That’s probably fair, like I did hate X3 a lot more than I do now back in 2006 so maybe I’ll change my mind about ASM2 in a year or two. As of now, I do detest it more but who knows.

      2. That being said I agree that while X3, Spider-Man 3 and MoS are frustrating as hell for me as a fan, there’s worse stuff to watch. Honestly as a big Sam Raimi fan, Spider-Man 3 has some enjoyable bits even. X3 and MoS are kind of on equal footing for me, where they both don’t represent characters I love properly, and can be generally pretty boring for half the movie but are watchable.

  3. Hilarious episode! I need to check some of these out as I think of the list I’ve only seen Elektra. The Spirit sounds like a great experience. Howard the Duck was absent but I guess he doesn’t count as a superhero

    1. Oh man, Brett, Carolyn and myself watched this one evening, what a mess. Billy Zane’s costume is beyond terrible and makes him look like a lardass despite the fact he’s in great shape. Porting old serials into the modern age is no easy task.

    2. The same thing happened to Affleck in Daredevil. I think tight suits on muscly men can only mash them together.

  4. I watched both elektra and Catwoman back when they came out. And while yeah, Catwoman is terrible, it didn’t made me as mad as I was when I came out of watching elektra. Very few movies have made me so mad due to how incredibly stupid and lame it was.

    I know there’s a TON of truly bad films that I haven’t watched, but from what I have watched? I do think Elektra is by far the worst film I’ve watched yet, comic book related or otherwise.

    1. Same with me, I honestly didn’t think it was as terrible as Brett made it sound. I mean, sure it’s silly and dumb, but I found it entertainingly so, and that Dracula is endearingly campy to me.

  5. Meteor Man, while too good for this list, always sticks out in my mind as the movie where bill Cosby plays a mute hobo who can talk to dogs. I feel like i bought it in a combo pack with Blankman, which somehow feels real racist.

  6. superman 3 sucks ass but it was filmed in my dumbass little town, whenever richard pryor comes up in conversation with my mom she brings up how she waited on him when she worked at the pioneer lounge here, which is also where she met my dad. there’s a million locations in the movie that i go through or by every damn day on my bike. shame it’s such a bad movie

  7. Wow, this wasn’t at all the list I expected. I mean, you guys touched on a lot of the movies I figured would be down at the bottom, but it turns out there’s a whole other tier of awfulness I hadn’t even though of. And I want commentaries on so many of the movies you guys talked about in this episode. Not even just the list, even. Van Helsing, Elektra, and Catwoman would be fucking amazing.

  8. Am I the only one that is kind of tired of Batman & Robin being the go-to comic book movie to hate on? It’s by no means a good film, but as I believe Grimm says this episode it’s fun. I can’t really say the same of Burton’s two films, and would much rather watch B&R over the rest of that tetralogy (/pretty much every other film on the Rotten Tomatoes bottom 10). This isn’t a dig at the LT guys cause of this episode, but just generally it’s always described as the worst superhero movie of all time and both Marvel and DC have made worse things, even since then. It’s not even all that much more silly than the three preceding films, it’s just more self aware and turned up to 11. May I remind anyone of the “EAT FLOOR, HIGH IN FIBER” line from Returns? Just my two cents on the matter anyway as someone who can’t stand the Burton movies these days and actually gets some mild enjoyment out of Schumacher’s. And yes, they’re both unfaithful to the character but at least Schumacher was faithful to the Adam West show.

    1. I get that complaining about B&R is kinda obvious at this point, but watching it fresh back in ’97, it’s easily one of the biggest ‘How did sentient adults make this’ movies I’ve seen.

      It’s just so inept in every department, and for something so ‘campy’, it is BORING and a total slog to get through. Batman Forever is rightfully awful in its own way, but Batman & Robin remains on my list of “So bad, it tore spacetime a new hole” movies.

  9. CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!

    …and his clear plastic shield, driving a Scooby-Doo van, swinging frozen meat and having to call his aged boss for assistance…

    CAPTAIN AMERICA!!!

  10. I am only old enough to remember Catwoman and Elektra. Batman and Robin was my childhood so it biases me from calling it “bad” compared to other films that were just unenjoyable.

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