The Eee-limination Chambah? Ah just call it tha terlet, but then again, I nevah did undahstand you Yahnkees.
1-NEVILLE VS. BO DALLAS
As a man of tha South, my heart is honorbound to the great state of Texas. Naturally, mah money’s on that ol rascal Bo Dallas, on account of his trailin’ moniker and the fact he so resembles Andrew WK. Leave it to dubyah dubyah ee creative to torpedo a promisin’ NXT star right out of the ol proverbial gate!
2- WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE NEW DAY VS. THE LUCHA DRAGONS VS. TYSON KIDD AND CESARO VS. THE PRIME TIME PLAYERS VS. THE ASCENSION VS. LOS MATADORES (ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH)
On tha grave of mah ol Aunt Vi-o-let, I do declare that this one is fittin to be a boondoggle. Ah cannot envision a world in which a high flyin latino fella is gonna win an Elimination Chambah match, so mah money is on The New Day repeatin some variation of the chicanery they pulled off at the last PPV.
3- DIVAS CHAMPION NIKKI BELLA VS. PAIGE VS. NAOMI (TRIPLE THREAT MATCH)
Mah word! Deed it just get warm in heah?? *Pats face with silk handkerchief* It could go eithah way between these fine young gentlewomen, but ah fail to see the narrative pull here. Ah’ll put a bit o eight on the young lady from England, even though we lost a lot of men escapin from that dastardly queen.
4- SHEAMUS VS. RYBACK VS. R-TRUTH VS. KING BARRETT VS. RUSEV VS. DOLPH ZIGGLER (ELIMINATION CHAMBER MATCH FOR THE VACANT INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP)
Mah money’s on that dastardly Russian Communist Rusev. Using KGB intelligence and secret weapons provided to him bah Khrushchev Rusev will incite the pinko sleepah cells in the crowd to interfere in the match, giving him tha chance he needs to take over America.
5- JOHN CENA VS. KEVIN OWENS (NON-TITLE MATCH)
The push for the rather slovenly lookin fellah might continyah, but I’m a true blooded A-mer-i-can, and Jahn Cena’s high and tight haircut and jean shorts speak to mah Southern soul. Ah’d also expect this rivalry to go on fer a bit while, meanin KO can’t beat him so soon. It’ll be a cold day in the Caralina’s before I see Cena made into a jobber for the stars. that’s what that Jericah fella is for.
6- WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS VS. DEAN AMBROSE
As much as ah like the cagey-ness of Dean Ambrose, he seems more like Floridian than a boy from good ol Georgia like myself. My opinions on Floridians are well known, and I forsee tha WWE lettin Rollins troll the title for a bit longer before shiftin it. At which point that ol Ambrose fella can go back to mid-card obscurity since that Vincent fellah clearly aint got a clue what he’s fixin to do with the ol boy.
Up next… Hank’s picks!