It’s the 2-year anniversary of the worst game ever. Crappy anniversary, Ride to Hell: Retribution!

ridetohell

It’s been two years since the release of the worst Xbox 360 game ever made. Come share in the commiseration of Ride to Hell: Retribution’s futility!

Hello everyone. This is Dave. Usually, I try to be happy and clever at the start of these articles, but I have discovered today is the second anniversary of one of the worst periods of my life. It was a time when hated everything around me and only saw ugliness in the world. I’m talking, of course, about the time I spent reviewing Ride to Hell: Retribution (old-ass ugly Internet Archive link here).

In the first thirteen years of my game-reviewing career, I had never used the bottom score from any of my respective outlets. Mostly because the games I reviewed never met the description criteria for said scores, but a small part of it was because I would think “well surely, there are worse games than this…” Not only was it “broken” (OXM’s designation for games scoring a 2.5 or less), I felt sure in declaring in the worst game I had ever played, giving it a 1.0 out of 10. That’s the lowest score OXM has ever assigned an Xbox 360 game; an indignity shared with a trio of original Xbox disasters.

Even some 700-plus days later, I can still remember every flaw that made my 12-hour playthrough of Ride to Hell: Retribution a living hell. Every character — from the leads to the few NPCs the developers bothered to make — completely lack personality and fluid animation. Environments are depressingly devoid of activity, filled with repetitive textures (and occasionally what seems to be placeholder images). The forgettable tunes from the 60s and 70s that make up the soundtrack were poorly balanced, so they completely drown out the lifeless dialogue. Most importantly, the game itself is no fun to play, as it switches between frustratingly dull gunplay and choppy motorcycle sequences. I’d run into graphical glitches every hour and had a handful of progress-halting errors that even broke the fourth wall and manifested themselves via debug messages.

With all of those issues, Ride to Hell: Retribution could have taken a page from insult comics and tried to be gross to make up for its overall terribleness. The game was loaded to the brim with sexual encounters, but in another instance of cut corners, all instances of fornication occur with all members fully-clothed (likely due to the effort needed to create a second character skin to utilize in these scenes). The result is the hilariously awkward scenes above, and the only entertaining element of Ride to Hell: Retribution (albeit “ironically” entertaining).

Still, there is a certain level of creativity that’s inspired when confronted by the worst art in the world, which is why I’m hoping Laser Time’s Patreon can hit its next funding level and add a third weekly streaming show where we play the worst videogames the world has to offer. You can bet that the moment it is funded, I’ll unearth this disaster and re-open old wounds for your entertainment. Until then, count your blessings if you managed to avoid this Ride to Hell.

7 thoughts on “It’s the 2-year anniversary of the worst game ever. Crappy anniversary, Ride to Hell: Retribution!

  1. I’ve heard Yahtzee make fun of this game but I’ve never looked at it. Certainly glad I never picked it up. I think the most broken game I played last gen was probably Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard. Picked it up dirty cheap in a bin somewhere and found out pretty quick why. I really wanted to like it but the gameplay was just so broken it was pathetic.

  2. I’m watching the current Two Best Friends Play series on this game. this disaster is gonna stand the test of time. it’ll be on worst games lists for the next 10 years. what a hilarious failure.

  3. This game brought me so much entertainment. Not playing it of course. It may very well be the Plan 9 of gaming. I feel sorry for the reviewers that had to suffer through it but it did provide us with some of the funniest reviews ever written.

    Great work Male Booty!

  4. Maybe this game takes place in an alternate history of the 1970s, where there is a liberation of all ideals except the comfort level of nudity. So having sex with clothes on is an accepted way of life in the world of never nudes.

    Or maybe they just didn’t know how to create digital wangs and boobs.

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