There seems to be a flurry of reboots and sequels nowadays. From Jurassic World to Terminator Genisys to the recently released Ghostbusters pics, it seems no franchise is safe from the looming specter of remaking. No franchise, that is, except Zardoz.
If you don’t know Zardoz by name, you may recognize it as “the movie where Sean Connery wears a weaponized Borat thong and Striperella’s boots” or “the movie Rick and Morty based Gazorpazorp on.” But here’s the problem: Zardoz is meant to be taken seriously, which it just can’t be. There isn’t a single scene in Zardoz where someone’s hammy acting or the completely ridiculous premise can be respected, so why fight it? If a Zardoz movie is to succeed, it needs to embrace the utter madness, and who better to do that than Tim and Eric?
Zardoz is a wild ride. We know this because the disembodied head of Zardoz tells us, and boy, does he not disappoint. From the face of the Majora’s Mask moon screaming “the gun is good, the penis is evil” and vomiting guns to plastic baby bags, Zardoz already feels like a bizarre Tim and Eric sketch from the beginning.
A straight remake wouldn’t require too much effort besides putting their own spin on things. It wears the influence of the 70s on its sleeve, which is part of the charm, but it still shows. As other media like Alien: Isolation show, you can have that 70s feeling but still be modern. Another major problem is that the ending happens with around an hour still left in the movie. Updating the look, cutting down the ending, and even adding Tim and Eric’s stable of actors would do a Zardoz remake justice.
But the real potential is in a sequel.
The ending of Zardoz leaves little wiggle room for continuation. Zed goes on a rampage that would make Tarantino proud, killing Eternals (immortal people that told Zed and his kind that the gun was good while the penis was evil) after absorbing all their knowledge and destroying their evil AI. Then Zed and his wife have a kid and age until they die inside the giant face rock.
A sequel, however, doesn’t need to focus on Zed. The story can instead follow Zed’s son and the Eternals that survived Zed’s attack to go live with the Brutals. This also allows Tim and Eric to go wild with the story, because after Zed and his wife Consuela hole up, we never see the outside world. Tim and Eric’s off-beat comedy is a perfect fit for something as bizarre and drug-fueled as Zardoz. Will they follow Zed’s son after he leaves home for this strange post apocalypse? Will they follow the few Eternals as they struggle to fit in with the Brutals?
That’s the beauty of this hypothetical new Zardoz franchise! Tim and Eric are a perfect fit for something like this, and anything can happen — as long as Hollywood forgets how bad Zardoz was, and how big a mistake making more would be. As far as I’m concerned, Zardoz isn’t dead. It’s just gestating in one of those weird plastic bags that grows people new bodies after they die.
Article by contributor J. Patrick B.