Now that we’re midway through the baseball season, it’s time to ask, who are the real All-Stars on the roster of the first two Major League movies? We’ve ranked every notable player from worst to best!
Hi all! Dave here. While you probably know about my Back to the Future fandom by now, you might not know of the other movie I watch pretty much annually. That would be Major League, the 1989 hit that kickstarted many a sports comedy in the 1990s. The chumps-to-champs Cinderella story has rarely been done so well (and so hilariously), and I make it a point to watch it at the beginning of every baseball season in order to get excited for another year of New York Mets baseball.
As a kid who would obsessively pore over the league leader stats in the newspaper and track my own team’s numbers in MLBPA Baseball on the Super Nintendo, determining the best players on a particular team was always a fun pastime of mine. Between the original classic and its diminishing-returns sequel, this fictional version of the Cleveland Indians had plenty of major players on the field, and I’m going to rank them from worst to best!
Just a few ground (ball) rules first. I’m only ranking players who have dialogue, as so many players are briefly mentioned throwing a single pitch or on-base once during the series without any context of their ability. Also, since Major League: Back to the Minors didn’t focus on the Indians or have any redeeming value, nobody from that movie will be listed. Now, without further ado, your Cleveland Indians!
9 – JAKE TAYLOR
WEAKNESS: Is terrible at throwing out runners and lacks knees.
BEST PLAY: Lying to the world and bunting.
SCOUTING REPORT: Tom Berenger may have been the actual star of the original Major League, but what did his character really bring to the team? Heart?! I’m sure they could have gotten a locker-room leader that could actually throw out runners or hit with any regularity. I also must fault the Indians for keeping a guy with bum knees as catcher (where you have to pop a squat for hours per day) when they could have used Taylor as a DH and had someone with an arm behind the plate.
8 – PEDRO CERRANO
WEAKNESS: Is initially bad at hitting curveballs, then is too peaceful.
BEST PLAY: Hitting a homerun after cursing out his deity.
SCOUTING REPORT: Pedro Cerrano’s only success comes because the rest of the teams in Major League are just as stupid as the Indians. In reality, the complete inability to hit curveballs would probably keep a player off of any team (he doesn’t seem to have any notable fielding skills, since he never makes a noteworthy play in any of the movies), but Cerrano is given an entire 162 game season to work out the kinks. He does so at the best possible moment, but is again a dud at the beginning of Major League II due to his newfound peaceful nature. He once again drags down his team for an extended period, performing decently once the Indians start winning. Again; why did they keep him on the main roster for such extended periods of mediocrity?
7 – RICK VAUGHN
WEAKNESS: Initially has bad vision, then is too wealthy.
BEST PLAY: Striking out the main villain in both movies.
SCOUTING REPORT: Yeah, Charlie Sheen’s character is probably the one people associate most with Major League, but he really had a half-season of brilliance within the two full seasons shown in the series. He starts out as a fast but wild pitcher who can’t maintain control because of his poor vision. That’s a bit insane, since you’d expect a vision test to be part of a professional baseball team’s physicals, but whatever. He gets some glasses and is one of the cornerstones of the Indians’ success. If I was making this list solely based on the first movie, he’d be near the top. However, if you take into account that the “Wild Thing” didn’t have any positive contribution to the team in Major League II until the very last play in the final game of the ALCS, it’s tough to consider the face of the movie franchise one of the series’ best players.
6 – ROGER DORN
WEAKNESS: Hates getting hit by the ball.
BEST PLAY: Gets hit by the ball.
SCOUTING REPORT: Honestly, Corbin Bernsen’s character should be higher on this list, but Jake Taylor’s pettiness held Roger Dorn down. Taylor was right to call out Dorn’s lack of heart on the field early in the season, but he went on to become a good fielder and great hitter (.271 with 86 RBIs). He retired to become owner of the Indians but then re-activated himself as a player when he sold the team and was busted down to General Manager. While I’m pretty sure that’s illegal, what’s even more criminal is the fact that new manager Taylor wouldn’t put Dorn in, despite coming off a pretty great year. When he did put him in to take a hit-by-pitch and then immediately pulled him he made the right call, so basically Jake Taylor sandwiched two good moves with months and months of passive-aggression.
Where does Wesley Snipes and the rest of the Major League cast rank? Read on to the next page to find out!