10 – MR. KRABTREE
I kinda wonder if Krabtree just puts on a facade when he sees Pee-wee. I can picture him muttering profanities under his breath as he closes his door to avoid novelty sprinkler spray every morning. However, I can’t take that into account, so his good-naturedness puts Krabtree around the middle of the pack.
9 – CHUCK
Now HERE is a middle-of-the-pack friend. He’s willing to give Pee-wee a discount for a new bike, but he also knows when to put his foot down (after three hours) and admonish the man-child ranting about a bike.
8 & 7 – JAMES BROLIN & MORGAN FAIRCHILD
In addition to delivering a very flattering performance of PW and Dottie, these two didn’t seem to mind the screen-hogging cameo from the real Pee-wee. Plus, they’re celebrities, which boosts them even further.
6 – MARIO
Is Mario a real friend, or is he just trying to sell shit to Pee-wee? It’s a tough line to discern, but he’s just so affable that I’m going to say he’s a real pal. If I entered a store where an clerk had a box full of fun stuff catered to my tastes, I’d probably love this person forever. Basically, I’m saying that Amazon.com is my best friend.
5 – SIMONE
Simone and Pee-wee hit it off so quickly that it’s astonishing. One minute, he’s watching dishes, and within the hour, she’s telling him about her “big but” while sitting inside a kitschy tourist trap. She’s also the rare friend who crosses paths with Pee-wee more than once, so we get to see their relationship blossom either further.
4 – MICKEY
Okay, granted, Mickey can be a jerk, but he’s the “bad boy” friend everyone has at one point. Just like how Beavis and Butt-head have Todd, Mickey mixes his meanness with moments of true respect. Within hours of their introduction, he’s willing to play dress-up with Pee-wee, which I can’t even get some of my friends of 10-20 years to do!
3 – SPECK
In most cases, dog is man’s best friend. In Pee-wee’s case, dog is man’s third-best-friend. Pee-wee seems like a good-enough owner at first and they have a mostly pleasant conversation on the phone, but the owner is just a little bit too negligent for his pet to declare this duo soulmates.
2 – DOTTIE
Big Top Pee-wee is not a good movie in general, but one of the more maddening aspects is that it turned the asexual manchild of the original into a weird Lothario. If Pee-wee fell in love with any person, it would be after he finally realized how great a partner Dottie was (likely thanks to Morgan Fairchild’s portrayal). Sure, she may be a bit pushy in her unrequited love, but she’s more reliable a friend than any of Pee-wee’s other pals. Plus they’re both super-into bikes!
1 – THE BIKE
Your best friend CAN TOO be an inanimate object. Pee-wee risks life and limb for just one entity, and its this sweet, sweet bike. As long as I’m ragging on BTPW, the total lack of that bike in Pee-wee’s life is completely unbelievable.
What do you think of this ranking? Are there any other characters in the film you’d consider one of Pee-wee’s pals? Sound off below!