Ranking Every Friend in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure From Worst to Best

krabtree

10 – MR. KRABTREE

I kinda wonder if Krabtree just puts on a facade when he sees Pee-wee. I can picture him muttering profanities under his breath as he closes his door to avoid novelty sprinkler spray every morning. However, I can’t take that into account, so his good-naturedness puts Krabtree around the middle of the pack.

chuck

9 – CHUCK

Now HERE is a middle-of-the-pack friend. He’s willing to give Pee-wee a discount for a new bike, but he also knows when to put his foot down (after three hours) and admonish the man-child ranting about a bike.

brolin-fairchild

8 & 7 – JAMES BROLIN & MORGAN FAIRCHILD

In addition to delivering a very flattering performance of PW and Dottie, these two didn’t seem to mind the screen-hogging cameo from the real Pee-wee. Plus, they’re celebrities, which boosts them even further.

mario

6 – MARIO

Is Mario a real friend, or is he just trying to sell shit to Pee-wee? It’s a tough line to discern, but he’s just so affable that I’m going to say he’s a real pal. If I entered a store where an clerk had a box full of fun stuff catered to my tastes, I’d probably love this person forever. Basically, I’m saying that Amazon.com is my best friend.

simone

5 – SIMONE

Simone and Pee-wee hit it off so quickly that it’s astonishing. One minute, he’s watching dishes, and within the hour, she’s telling him about her “big but” while sitting inside a kitschy tourist trap. She’s also the rare friend who crosses paths with Pee-wee more than once, so we get to see their relationship blossom either further.

mickey

4 – MICKEY

Okay, granted, Mickey can be a jerk, but he’s the “bad boy” friend everyone has at one point. Just like how Beavis and Butt-head have Todd, Mickey mixes his meanness with moments of true respect. Within hours of their introduction, he’s willing to play dress-up with Pee-wee, which I can’t even get some of my friends of 10-20 years to do!

speck

3 – SPECK

In most cases, dog is man’s best friend. In Pee-wee’s case, dog is man’s third-best-friend. Pee-wee seems like a good-enough owner at first and they have a mostly pleasant conversation on the phone, but the owner is just a little bit too negligent for his pet to declare this duo soulmates.

dottie

2 – DOTTIE

Big Top Pee-wee is not a good movie in general, but one of the more maddening aspects is that it turned the asexual manchild of the original into a weird Lothario. If Pee-wee fell in love with any person, it would be after he finally realized how great a partner Dottie was (likely thanks to Morgan Fairchild’s portrayal). Sure, she may be a bit pushy in her unrequited love, but she’s more reliable a friend than any of Pee-wee’s other pals. Plus they’re both super-into bikes!

bike

1 – THE BIKE

Your best friend CAN TOO be an inanimate object. Pee-wee risks life and limb for just one entity, and its this sweet, sweet bike. As long as I’m ragging on BTPW, the total lack of that bike in Pee-wee’s life is completely unbelievable.

What do you think of this ranking? Are there any other characters in the film you’d consider one of Pee-wee’s pals? Sound off below!

7 thoughts on “Ranking Every Friend in Pee-wee’s Big Adventure From Worst to Best

  1. The only thing I disagree with is that Amazing Larry should be #1. I haven’t been so interested in a minor character’s backstory since Boba Fett! And with zero evidence whatsoever, I’m going to confirm he was the basis for Lemmy Koopa.

  2. Excellent list, though it made me realize that none of the regulars from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse show up in the film. Granted, the film is perfection and it was doing its own thing, but it would have been nice for Laurence Fishburne to at least show up in a cameo.

    Also, awesome fun fact I learned just today: The lady from the Satan’s Helpers gang? That’s Elvira! Cassandra freaking Peterson! This leads me to a possible LT episode suggestion: Actors in unrecognizable roles or cameos. I’m drawing a blank for other examples right now, except maybe Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder.

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