Let’s Rank the Returning Campers in First Day of Camp from Worst to Best

10. Susie (Amy Poehler)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Can we talk about how Susie is totally a victim of statutory rape? Weird how she manages to suppress that in the movie. Weirder still is how funny her relationship with John Slattery’s Claude Dumet actually is.

9. Neil (Joe Lo Truglio)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

We know Neil as the sexless sidekick to Victor in Wet Hot, but the prequel shows us he’s actually gotten much farther than Victor. Way to go!

8. Victor (Ken Marino)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

After his chronic blue balls in the movie, Victor winds up in even more “almost laid” situations here. Plus, Ken Marino’s “dip my balls in it” catchphrase can totally be heard at the staff party. Bonus points!

7. Beth (Janeane Garofalo)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Turns out Beth has been through a lot at Camp Firewood: losing Mitch, losing Greg, winning a court case. Props to her for saving the camp she loves more than anything.

6. Gail (Molly Shannon)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

We know all about Gail’s relationship history from the movie, but finding out it all happened in one day? Hilarious. She may have the most emotional day of anyone at Camp Firewood.

5. Mitch (H. Jon Benjamin)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Yes, this totally counts. Jon Benjamin voices a can of vegetables in one of the movie’s most surreal scenes. In the prequel, we learn how he became that can. Comedy gold.

4. Gene (Christopher Meloni)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Gene goes through quite the journey in First Day of Camp. Giving up his bride, reactivating Vietnam memories, fighting Jon Hamm, saving Mitch (now in can form) — he must be exhausted!

3. Lindsay (Elizabeth Banks)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Lindsay might have the biggest character shift of any camper in the series. She’s a 24-year-old reporter for a rock magazine? Didn’t see that coming. Plus, her helping Chris Pine’s rock star character is what stops the Camp Firewood v. Camp Tigerclaw battle.

2. Coop (Michael Showalter)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Poor Coop. All throughout Wet Hot, you just want him to get the girl. In First Day of Camp, he has a girl, and you just want him to stand his ground. Same idea, same pushover counselor.

1. Andy (Paul Rudd)

Laser Time, wet hot american summer, first day of camp, cast, best of, ranking, characters, nurse nancy, abby, professor nuemann, steve, gary, ron, jj, mckinley, ben, katie, susie, neil, victor, beth, gail, mitch, gene, lindsay, coop, andy, paul rudd, michael showalter, h. jon benjamin, molly shannon, janeane garofalo, ken marino, joe lo truglio, amy poehler, marguerite moreau, nina hellman, a.d. miles, david hyde pierce,  marisa ryan, kevin sussman, judah friedlander, zac orth, michael ian black, bradley cooper

Andy isn’t much more than Coop’s rival in the movie, but the prequel series paints him in a much more sympathetic way. He’s still a dick, sure, but you can’t help but root for him and Katie.

Tony is an Editor here at Laser Time. Yell at him on Twitter if you disagree with his ranking.

2 thoughts on “Let’s Rank the Returning Campers in First Day of Camp from Worst to Best

  1. You neglected to shouout the return of the indoor kids! Also let’s be real here, Gene is easilly the best character here comedically….he even got in a THEY CAME TOGETHER callback

  2. I think Showalter could have done a few crunches before shooting his scenes, he looked very uncomfortable chasing after the little wiener kid.

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