Welcome to Laser Time’s weekly rasslin’ theme feature, Wrestling Theme Friday (or WTF for short). While we talk a great deal about WWE and the other major worldwide grappling leagues on Cheap Popcast and during our Patreon-exclusive wrestling match commentaries, this is our outlet to discuss an element of pro wrestling that’s just as vital as actual skill; having a kickass entrance theme. Last week, in our premiere installment of WTF, we ranked The Undertaker’s themes, but in honor of September 11, we’re going to cover one of the most patriotic wrestlers of all-time… the Olympic gold medalist himself, Kurt Angle.
While he’s largely known for a singular theme, there are actually quite a few tunes Angle has adopted over his 15 year career. With his final potential TNA match just weeks away at October’s Bound for Glory, we’re counting down the songs that defined his time in both WWE and TNA.
HONORABLE MENTION – “I DON’T SUCK (REALLY)” – BY KURT ANGLE AND JIM JOHNSTON
You can’t talk about Kurt Angle’s entrance without the phrase “YOU SUCK.” While his entrance theme was relatively unfettered during his 2000 debut and his run as a face in the wake of the September 11 attacks, the dreaded chant followed him for the rest of his WWE tenure (made especially awkward during his few face runs). At least the WWE got some musical mileage out of it with this unique tune on the WWE Originals album. It’s starts off with as bad as a wrestler singing can go, but turns around about midway through when Angle spouts off some decent rhymes for the whitest competitor in WWE history. He never entered the ring to this song, but if he had, it would probably land around midway through this ranking.
6 – “MY QUEST” BY DALE OLIVER
There’s no underselling how important TNA’s signing of Kurt Angle was in 2006. Angle was still a bona fide main-eventer in WWE in the mid-2000s and the company had Angle pegged to be one of the centerpieces of its ECW revival. Injured and worn out by the WWE’s non-stop touring schedule, Angle defected to the up-and-coming NWA-TNA promotion, where he debuted with… generic butt-rock. This is the sort of intro music that you’d expect to hear local talent get during WWE dark matches, but this unexciting tune was what the world heard the first time Angle stepped into a TNA ring. Fortunately, this tune didn’t last long.
5 – “MAIN EVENT MAFIA” BY DALE OLIVER
The second-worst theme for Kurt Angle (though still leagues better than his debut tune) was the song used for TNA’s equivalent to the Four Horsemen; the Main Event Mafia. It’s tough to blend the signature trill mandolin sound of “Speak Softly, Love” from The Godfather with the high-intensity style that most wrestling themes incorporate, and the Main Event Mafia theme isn’t quite up to the task. The mandolin intro is a bit too piercing and while the rock guitar is out of place, it’s not egregiously conflicting. I would have just preferred a slower “Godfather” knockoff tune, but this is a fine theme for the faction.
4 – “MEDAL” (REMIX) BY JIM JOHNSTON
I’m not sure what the first remix of Kurt Angle’s theme set out to accomplish. It starts with the familiar intro but immediately stumbles around to the extent that you’d think it was just the original skipping in a CD player. Then it settles into the standard theme just in time for the audience to chant “YOU SUCK” with the intact heart of the song. Of the two changes to Angle’s theme during his final year with the company, this one was the failure that led to the successful discovery.
Are there any decent Kurt Angle themes in TNA? Is there anything better than his original entrance? Find out on the next page!