LaserTime’s WWE Night of Champions 2015 predictions: make yours too!


Can you predict who will be champion after Night of Champions? Test your WWE predictions against Chris, Hank, Grimm, and Dave, and you could win your choice of song on an upcoming Cheap Popcast!

It’s time for Night of Champions! As we’ve been doing for years now, the reader who makes the most correct predictions in our monthly PPV contest gets to pick the song that plays at the conclusion of next month’s PPV recap episode of Cheap Popcast! First, though, a recap of the LT gang’s SummerSlam picks: Hank bounced back from losing a one-on-one Battleground pick-em to get six out of ten (10!) SummerSlam predictions, which was enough for first place next to Brett’s five, Dave’s four, and Chris’ two. Amongst the reader, CammyToe got seven out of ten AND was closer on the tie-breaker than Tranquilbez22, so CT’s choice of Pentagon Jr’s Lucha Underground theme will close out the next Cheap Popcast. Need inspiration? Check out our weekly Wrestler Theme Friday feature, where we rank themes from the likes of The Undertaker, Sting, and Kurt Angle!

Anywho, here’s how the prediction contest goes. The LaserTime gang is going to make picks in this here article (starting this month, the winner will get their picks on the first page), and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker. Feel free to pick a Money in the Bank cash-in, but I don’t count non-announced matches, so correctly predicting one won’t affect your score.

What does the winning commenter get, though? Well, you can make your mark on the next PPV-themed Cheap Popcast episode by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of Undertaker-Lesnar match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on next month’s episode. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!


Separately, Stardust and the Ascension are the loseriest losers this side of King Barrett. HOWEVER, together I think they’ll find the inner strength to defeat the Lucha Dragons, who have been floundering almost as much as their NXT alums. I don’t want to see Neville taking the loss, but I think he’ll be fairly protected if Sin Cara gets squished by Stardust and his henchmen. God, is this what the tag team under card has come to?

Now this could be a hot opener. I haven’t seen the Dudleys in years, and last I saw of Team 3D was them being “inducted” into a “hall of fame” from some “company” called “TNA” – that last one is so juvenile that you know this was all some screwed up dream I had. Anyway, both ECW originals are looking fantastic, buuuuuuuuuut The New Day is looking better as the best group of hilarious bad guys I’ve seen in forever. I predict Xavier uses trombone-induced distraction to get one over on the crafty vets, because it’s no fun if the Dudleys get the belts on their first try. Let’s give Big E and Kofi a big (underhanded) win, then rematch next month in a Tables Match, ok?

Ugh, this storyline would’ve been balls in 1999 with Val Venis and Ken Shamrock. Right now it’s both corny and has also lasted waaaaay too long. I love Ziggler and think Rusev is great for his level of big league experience, but this story of lost girlfriends and infidelity has gotta stop. In general, I prefer WWE to never do plots involving relationships with women, because I’d like to be as ignorant as possible on Vince’s views on ladies.

I want their mystery partner to be Daniel Bryan. I want it SO bad. Bryan said weeks ago that he’d been cleared to wrestle by a non-WWE doctor, so maybe WWE’s meds secretly cleared him too, and D-Bry will make a shocking return to back up his old pals/enemies. Failing that fantasy booking, I dunno, Demon Kane or some such bullshit? (I miss you Daniel.)

This Revolution has been an old pile farts mostly, with almost no character development – beyond WWE’s usual “bitches be crazy and jealous” horseshit. It feels like all the NXT ladies are holding back from how great we know they could be, while the Bellas take up screen time to prepare for the next season of Total Divas. I hope Charlotte wins and the Bellas get the hell out of the title picture, but honestly, Nikki already broke the Diva’s title record, so does it really even matter that much. Also, while I do think Charlotte will win, I bet Nikki and Brie stick around in the story, mainly because WWE rarely books two female feuds at the same time. Meanwhile, Sasha Banks probably won’t even be on TV because WWE is too stupid to recognize a superstar when they see one.

I think Kevin Owens definitely should have the Intercontinental title, because he could actually do something with it and make it matter. Since earning the curse belt, The Ryback has vacillated between injured and in a meaningless feud against Miz and Big Show. Let’s just call this experiment a bust and get KO the IC. That way Owens can incessantly brag about it, making the IC belt actually worth a damn, perhaps even leading up to a title unification match down the line against the US Champ. Speaking of which…

If there’s one thing Cena doesn’t do, it’s lose twice in a row to anybody, CM Punk notwithstanding. Cena beats Seth, gets his belt back so he can once more wear his special shirt, and re-institute his open challenge. I think this could be match of the night, though maybe Seth will give up a little too easy to conserve his energy for his WWE title defense. Either way, LOLCENAWINS, but I’m totes ok with that this time.

How is Seth Rollins not the underdog good guy for defending gold against two hall of famers in one night? This makes no goddamn sense. Regardless, I think Sting is looking to check “compete for the WWE Championship” off his bucket list. You’ll note I wrote “compete” and not “win,” because I can’t imagine Vince actually letting his list of WWE Champions include WCW icon Sting, especially when he’s 56 and has trouble making it through 15 minutes of wrasslin. Seth does make a great dancing partner, and can carry Stinger through likely his best match in years, and Rollins likely won’t win cleanly.

Up next… Chris’ picks!

24 thoughts on “LaserTime’s WWE Night of Champions 2015 predictions: make yours too!

  1. 1) Nevile and the Lucha Dragons
    2) New Day in some screwy but fun fashion
    3) Ziggler
    4) Wyatt Family but the mystery partner for Reigns/Ambrose is either Samoa Joe or Daniel Bryan.
    5) Charlotte, I am literally sick to death of the Bellas. The only reason why they’re the top divas is because of Spousal Nepotism.
    6) Kevin Owens (Only so he can have even more sick matches with Cesaro)
    7) LOL Cena Wins
    8) Sting because The Authority screwed Seth Rollins

    Theme: Bayley’s indie theme: “Misery Buisness” by Paramore:

    2 –THE NEW DAY
    3 –RUSEV
    6 –. KEVIN OWENS
    7 –. JOHN CENA

  3. Stardust and his cosplay road warrior goons
    New Day
    Ziggler, even though hes been the biggest prick in the world throughout this whole angle (WWE Booking is the worst)
    Ambrose, Reigns and ? Hope its bryan or joe, but it will probably be kane or eric rowan (fart noise)
    Nikki Bella because the damage is done Let her keep her tainted belt.. The ‘Divas Revolution’ has been a letdown have paige turn heel on charlotte and cost her the match and let them actually be their own characters with actual motivations.
    Ryback, because thats the worst possible decision in this scenario . I hope im wrong, Ryback is awful in every aspect and Owens could do great things with the IC belt,

  4. The only acceptable partners for Reigns & Ambrose: 1. Daniel Bryan, 2. Sami Zayn, 3. Samoa Joe 4. The Rock 5. Seth pulling triple duty. But none of those will happen, it will either be Orton, Kane or some mystery Uso brother we’ve never heard about before.

  5. Also, need to point out that this Rollins dual champ bit is veeeeeery similar to what Ring of Honor have already been doing with Jay Lethal

  6. 1. Stardust and the Ascension – There’s no celebrity to push this time around and both Stardust and the Ascension just need a goddamn win. Either way, Neville deserves better than this.
    2. The Dudley Boyz – Sure, The New Day could easily grease a win using the their extra man, but salty New Day is hilarious and seeing them kick up a fuss over losing to the Dudleys would make for a great lead-in to the next PPV. Also, seeing them lose the title and overreact about it would make the story more compelling when they have to win their titles back from the Dudleys… in a tables ladders and chairs match. Against some tag teams, that would be a challenge. Against the Dudley Boyz, that’s a mountain.
    3. Ziggler – I don’t care what anyone says, Russev and Lana are getting back together. It’s just a matter of when. They were far more interesting as a pair and the only good payoff from this feud would be seeing Lana turn on Ziggler and go back to the Bulgarian Brute. As much as I want to see that happen tonight, this doesn’t feel like the right PPV for it. They still have some awful plot lines with those four that don’t seem like they’ve run their course yet.
    Russev is defeated and humiliated tonight, (and maybe… slightly humbled?) but Ziggler takes his win too far and the seeds are planted for Lana to returning to Russev and having their Macho Man/Miss Elizabeth moment.
    4. The Wyatts – The newest member of the Wyatt family is a goddamn monster and this is his first WWE PPV. Mystery partner or not. Unless Reigns and Ambrose have Eric Rowan waiting in the wings, there is no other way this thing should go.
    5. Charlotte – The new record has been set and you’ve been playing with an expanded roster of good female talent for months now. It’s time. Also calling that Paige turns heel during or after this match. The losing streak, the fact that she was the one originally calling for change, and the insinuations from the announce team all point to it. Besides, this “we can’t have one woman out without all three” thing has got to stop. (That and the use of the word “Revolution”)
    6. Kevin Owens – Ryback’s rise the last year or so has been mostly alright to see, but Kevin Owens is just more interesting to watch and him over-inflating his new title win would elevate the IC title in it’s own way.
    7. Seth Rollins – Yes, John Cena had some great matches during his US run which got some great performances out of guys we didn’t usually get to see. (He even gave us a pretty good match with Zack Ryder) Still, Rollins has kept his title this long and despite him being booked as a heel, he’s been dragged kicking and screaming into becoming a better champion. It won’t be clean, but Rollins retains.
    8. Sting, (BUT…) – Sting wins over Rollins but it’ll be through something like a DQ or a count out. Sting’s presence would be diminished with another PPV loss, but having him hold the WWE title doesn’t make much sense either. Sting gets his win, Seth gets to keep his title and act like an asshole about it afterwards.

  7. Cosmic Wasteland
    The New Day
    Roman and Dean and their special partner Shock Master
    Kevin Owens
    John Cena
    Sting wins 15:30 minutes in and then as he Celebrates Sheamus cashes in a gets the title cause we need to lose the brief case

    As for a theme I pick Sheiky Baby

    I put you in the Camel Clutch, I break your Back, I fuck in the ass, I make you Humble!

  8. 1) Neville & Lucha Dragons vs. Cosmic Wasteland – WINNER (Cosmic Wasteland)
    2)The New Day vs. The Dudley Boyz – WINNER (New Day)
    3) Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev – WINNER (Who fucking cares, Rusev, I guess)
    4) Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose & a mystery partner vs. The Wyatt Family – WINNER ( Reigns, Ambrose & NXT Call-up)
    5) Nikki Bella vs. Charlotte – WINNER (Charlotte)
    6) Ryback vs. Kevin Owens – WINNER (KO)
    7) Seth Rollins vs. John Cena – WINNER (Rollins)
    8) Seth Rollins vs. Sting – WINNER (Rollins)
    9) Shamus Cash in – WINNER (Rollins)

  9. 1. Stardust and losers beat Neville and losers.
    2. New Day gets a lucky win vs Team 3D setting off a nice rematch (and this is my pick for match of the night)
    3. Rusev Def Ziggy Pop
    4. 2/3 Shield defeat the White Trash Express aka Wyatts (every match after this will disappoint and I say this as someone only buying the network to watch Sting vs Rollins)
    5. Charlotte wins the title off Nikki since WWE has already accomplished it’s “fuck you” to AJ
    6. Kevin Owens wins against Ryback (I hope, if not WWE is fucking clueless)
    7. Cena takes the US title back in a match that is worse than many hoped for since Rollins couldn’t give less shits about this belt
    8. Seth Rollins takes down Sting with some mystery bs. The retarded freak Sheamus teases a cash-in but nobody gives a shit because it’s Sheamus.

  10. 1. Stardust & The Ascension
    2. Dolph Ziggler
    3. The Dudleys (much as it pains me to say it)
    4. Kevin Owens
    5. Charlotte
    6. The Wyatt Family
    7. John Cena
    8. Seth Rollins in 17:15

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