Good evening, Laser Timers, and welcome to the second annual Moan4Stallone review of Universal Studios’ Halloween Horror Nights! This year’s list of mazes looked to be a surefire trip through Leatherface’s meat locker, but how did the bodies stack up? Read on to find out.
The first maze I hit up was, of course, home to none other than Michael Myers himself. As the maze starts off, you are funneled through the front door of his childhood home, quickly greeted by a young knife-wielding, clown costume-wearing Myers that is as creepy as it sounds. As you progress, you’ll see various Michael Myers-es in theater-quality jumpsuits and H1-worthy masks that made me believe I was really walking through the streets of Haddonfield. This maze even features a Dr. Loomis cosplayer so accurate, I had to do a double take! Bonus points to the scare actors who occasionally turned a corner and simply stared before lunging — Michael’s primary tactic for inducing terror.
Pictured: a mask from Halloween 3?
Alien vs Predator
This is the same maze as last year, but that’s not a bad thing. Like I mentioned in 2014, this maze has the highest production values of any I’ve ever seen, so I understand why Universal didn’t tear it down in favor of something new. You really do feel like you’re in the middle of Paul W.S. Anderson’s sci-fi blockbuster (there’s a phrase you don’t hear every day), complete with chest-bursters and a “bitch” queen. Sadly, I didn’t see any Danny Glover lookalikes, but maybe I just missed them. Let me know if you spot one.
This Is the End
When I heard about this addition, I was a little puzzled as to why they would choose this to be their 3D attraction when past mazes were crafted by names like Slash, Rob Zombie, and Ozzy Osbourne. But once I set foot in James Franco’s party pad, I was immediately transported to New Year’s Eve, complete with Michael Cera accusing passersby of stealing his cell phone. The 3D was spot on, as were the demons and a legitimately good Craig Robinson cosplayer, making this one of my favorite mazes of the night. Keep an eye out for some Freaks and Geeks swag as well.
The Purge: Terror Tram
This is the Purge’s third go, and finally Universal wised up and gave them their own section — two sections, actually. Once you exit the tram, you are immediately attacked by mask-wearing psychos and funneled through a maze that was previously occupied by The Walking Dead. The second part is a Scare Zone located at the lower lot, and includes a gattling gun-toting butcher straight out of the second film.
Clearly, the New Founding Fathers are pretty lax about bro-tanks.
The horror continues on the next page!