It may be Hell in a Cell, but your if your picks are heavenly, you can win big! Test your WWE prediction against Hank, Brett, and Dave, and you could win your choice of song on an upcoming Cheap Popcast!
Welcome to Hell in a Cell! As we’ve been doing for years now, the reader who makes the most correct predictions in our monthly PPV contest gets to pick the song that plays at the conclusion of next month’s PPV recap episode of Cheap Popcast! First, though, a recap of the LT gang’s Night of Champions picks: some of the editors here learned a harsh lesson about actually including winners in their text, as Hank fell a point short of repeat victory due to leaving the winner out of two of his predictions? The winner this time? Dave, who nailed six out of eight predictions (Grimm had three correct, while Chris got one right). Amongst the readers, FormerPCGamerInternErik was the boss of the predictiors, so his choice of Zack Ryder’s theme will close out the next Cheap Popcast. Need inspiration? Check out our weekly Wrestler Theme Friday feature, where we rank themes from the likes of The Undertaker, Sting, and Kurt Angle!
Anywho, here’s how the prediction contest goes. The LaserTime gang is going to make picks in this here article (the winner will get their picks on the first page the next month), and then open up the replies to you awesome listeners. You will then pick a winner (or if you’re feeling frisky, a rare draw/no contest) for each match (don’t worry about getting the finish right, I’m just looking for winners, if any), and then, just in case there’s a tie for correct predictions, pick a running time for the final match listed (the presumed main event) as a tiebreaker. Feel free to pick a Money in the Bank cash-in, but I don’t count non-announced matches, so correctly predicting one won’t affect your score. On the same note, picking the correct mystery opponent for John Cena won’t gain you points, but picking whether Cena wins, loses, or draws will.
What does the winning commenter get, though? Well, you can make your mark on the next PPV-themed Cheap Popcast episode by choosing a theme to close a segment. Pick the wrestler theme and include a YouTube URL to a wrestler’s theme alongside your predictions (including the running time of Undertaker-Lesnar match) and I’ll give you a shout-out on next month’s episode. Got it? Good. Now, onto each LaserTimer’s predictions!
1 – DOLPH ZIGGLER, CESARO & NEVILLE VS. RUSEV, SHEAMUS & KING BARRETT (KICKOFF MATCH)
I know that I *should* be bummed that Cesaro is on the pre-show alongside the buried Rusev and mismanaged Ziggler, but I have high hopes for this match. Sure, there’ll be the customary awkward mid-match commercial, but everyone in this can work and brings their own unique strengths to the match. King Barrett is by far the lowest man on the totem pole here, so I say he takes a pin from Ziggler.
2- INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION KEVIN OWENS VS. RYBACK
My biggest issue for this PPV is that there are too many predictable rematches. Nobody expects Ryback to regain the championship, so why didn’t they just burn off the end of this feud and give KO something interesting to start his IC PPV reign with? Last time, KO cheated to win and we have enough chickenshit champs that it would help if Owens won cleanly just like he did with Cena.
3- WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE NEW DAY VS. THE DUDLEY BOYZ
This will be the third time in three months that these teams have fought on TV for the tag straps and BOTH TIMES before the match ended in a disqualification victory for The Dudley Boyz. I originally thought that The Dudleyz should take this match to finally pay off their uphill battle, but I don’t want to see another rematch here and losing the belts won’t mesh with TND’s harder new edge. I say New Day finally scores a pinfall victory and we revisit this feud around TLC time where the tag division takes back that match type.
4- DIVAS CHAMPION CHARLOTTE VS. NIKKI BELLA
Again, like the IC match, I don’t expect title trade-back, so I’m just antsy for this feud to end. I think both parties will put on a very good match, but I’m really just waiting for Charlotte to arrive at the Sasha Banks fireworks factory.
5- UNITED STATES CHAMPION JOHN CENA VS. OPEN CHALLENGE OPPONENT
Some of the greatest surprises in 2015 have been the procession of new stars (and a few old ones) that have challenged for John Cena’s belt. Since Cena’s rumored to take the rest of 2015 off not too long after this PPV, I say he drops the belt in an open challenge. The challenger? I’m gonna say Smackdown was used as a soft launch for Tyler Breeze and he wins the US Title in his first main roster singles match.
6- ROMAN REIGNS VS. BRAY WYATT (HELL IN A CELL MATCH)
We’ve seen so many variations on this feud since Money in the Bank back in July, so I’m just ready to see both parties move onto something else (a running theme this month). However, I feel like this could be the dark horse match of the night as these two will take advantage of the Cell in the same way Taker and Brock did a decade ago (albeit with less blood). I think Wyatt needs to look dangerous again, so I say he wins here with a smidge of help from his brothers.
7- WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS VS. DEMON KANE
You know what? I’m okay with this match. On a show where there’s a much bigger fish to fry and bigger blowoffs needed, it’s fine for Rollins to have a one-off match provided that he (1) wins in a decisive fashion and (2) moves onto something bigger with Survivor Series around the corner. He’s been looking awfully chumpy lately, so I say Rollins wins clean and Kane starts his retirement tour.
8- THE UNDERTAKER VS. BROCK LESNAR (HELL IN A CELL MATCH)
Unless WWE is playing out some sadistic long-term angle, we saw the 56-year-old Sting legitimately crumple into a heap during last month’s main event, and here they are putting another dude in his 50s in a brutal main event. Taker has been beaten to shit in his last few matches, so I hope they can find a way to make this entertaining that doesn’t involve Taker flung upside down into a cage wall. Regardless, since Lesnar is still of sound body, I say he wins, takes the series against Taker, and starts his big build towards whatever he’s in line for come WrestleMania (coughDanielBryancough).
Up next… Hank’s picks!