The Best New Amazon Releases: Halo? Is It WWE You’re Looking For?

Amazon1026

Master Chief and Stone Cold are both opening a can of whoop-ass on this week’s new release calendar…

We’ve finally arrived on the week of Halloween but I can’t say that the list of new Amazon releases looks all that spooky. Instead, it looks like we’re getting the biggest Microsoft exclusive of the year, a new wrasslin’ game, and whole slew of rereleases. Not only that, but there’s also the worst Adam Sandler film since… the last Adam Sandler film. Scroll down to see what all is out there this week, and remember that, just like the Laser Time Patreon. any purchases through those Amazon links support the site. So, pick up your Needler or your knee brace and let’s dive in to this week’s stuff…

Halo 5: Guardians
This week will be a big test, not just for Master Chief, but for the Halo series and the Xbox One in general. After the less-than-stellar launch of last year’s Master Chief Collection, this full-fledged sequel feels like make or break time for the storied franchise. Can this game win back fans with a tale of Master Chief going AWOL, chased by new co-lead, Locke? Will fans enjoy the changes to online multiplayer, like the REQ System and online-only co-op? From what we played of Halo 5 the solo campaign opens up well enough, and it looks nice, but we’ll wait and see how well it can do over time.

WWE 2K16
Not unlike real sports, WWE has been an annualized beast for some time now. Eat, sleep, annualize, repeat is 2K’s model, but how goes the second ever new-gen entry? Last year saw a marked improvement over the THQ days that preceded it, but it still felt a little too tied to its past iterations, from the grappling to the create-a-wrestler modes. 2K16 looks to shake things up by deepening the MyCareer mode, switching up the reversal system (hopefully no more endless streams of counters), and upped the graphical fidelity to make the beards – and everything else – more realistic than ever. Obviously the crew behind Cheap Popcast will have trouble resisting the yearly call of a new WWE game – do you feel the same?

Xbox Elite Controller
In my day, you bought an NES Power Pack system and got all the controllers included, plus a light gun. Now you’re lucky to get a single controller for $60, AND you have to update the firmware on a god damn controller! Taking all those frustrations into account, who has the appetite for a $150 Elite controller? Well, if the reviews are anything to go by, you might. Early reactions say this highly customizable hardware is a big step-up from the standard, and comes with enough doodads to keep you satisfied with you Xbone for awhile. If the early reviews are anything to go by, this is worth getting for anyone who can actually justify spending more on a controller than they do on a handheld console. I’m not there yet, but to each their own.

Darksiders 2: Deathinitive Edition
The Darksiders series is one that came out at the wrong time from the wrong publisher. Headed up by comic legend Joe Madureira, Darksiders is equal parts over-the-top graphic novel, tribute to The Legend of Zelda, and extra goth apocalyptic fantasy, all published by THQ, a company that was struggling (and failing) to stay afloat just as Darksiders 2 hit stores. Well, now Darksiders has a new publisher, and the Horseman of Death gets another shot to impress gamers, this time on the PS4 and Xbox One. If you skipped it the first time, this is an affordable excuse to give Death another chance to warm your heart via a whole lot of brutal killings across the post-Judgement Day wastelands. I can think of worse ways to spend your Halloween.

Army Of Darkness [Collector’s Edition]
Have you been keeping up with our Monday Night Movies for October? If so, you watched Evil Dead 2, one of the greatest horror films ever, and you’re ready for the sequel, Army of Darkness. Timed for the premiere of a brand new Evil Dead TV series, this newest HD version of Ash’s journey from Medieval Times to S-Mart comes with a crap load of extras, enough to shake a boomstick at… Sorry. Once you get into a rut of Evil Dead references, it’s hard to let it go. Now give me some sugar, baby–I mean, buy this Blu-ray…

Pixels
If you’d prefer to watch something newer and much more horrifying this Halloween, here’s the cursed disc you’ve been waiting for. Pixels started with the promising idea of Earth being invaded by aliens that look like iconic arcade characters, but then it all went wrong when Adam Sandler, Kevin James, and the rest of the Happy Madison jerk-off patrol had to screw it up. Pixels was savaged by critics and wasn’t even as successful as most of Sandler’s garbage, perhaps signalling the end of his reign over the box office. Anybody looking for something to hatewatch over Halloween might want to check this out – plus, Adam Sandler is looking like a zombie these days.

Mulholland Dr. (Criterion Edition)
I’ll admit it – I didn’t really “get” this movie the first time I watched it. David Lynch films are rarely easy to follow, but this one is all over the place in terms of time, pacing, and story. Sure, the degenerates who browse Mr. Skin enjoyed this film’s sapphic love story, but I doubt they got followed the plot any better than I did. Well, Criterion is the best producer of physical media left, so if I can’t understand it in their edition of the film, then I never will. One major question remains: will this Blu-ray have chapter breaks, or is Lynch still firmly opposed to those?

Monty Python and the Holy Grail 40th Anniversary Edition
All in all, this is pretty weak Tuesday for new films, but a damn fine one for old movies in new packages. This years marks four decades since Monty Python’s Holy Grail became the celebrated home of all the quotes your nerdiest friend would constantly recite. But what makes this umpteenth re-release of the film worth getting? Well, it features numerous cut animation bits from Terry Gilliam that have never-before been shown to the public. These animated portions will be new to even the most devoted of Python fanatics. So throw out all those other versions of the Holy Grail you’ve got and get the most complete edition ever (at least until the inevitable 50th Anniversary version).

SPECIAL SALES NEWS! PRE-ORDER AMAZING MIYAZAKI BOX SET

The Collected Works of Hayao Miyazaki
Hayao Miyazaki is the most celebrated animator of the last 50 years, and for good reason. Films like My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki’s Delivery Service, and Princess Mononoke are some of the most fully realized worlds ever shown in theaters, capturing the hearts of people from just about every age and part of the planet. Now that he’s retired, Amazon has an exquisite looking special collection of every feature length film Miyazaki directed all in one box set. Plus, there are some fantastic bonuses as well that will likely justify the price. Out this November, this looks like a great gift for those you love most.

Meanwhile, the US Disney releases never go on sale, yet these are all set at just over $17 – some even under $13!

 

 

 

CAPE CRISIS RECOMMENDS:

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPCOMING VIDEO GAME PRE-ORDER BONUSES

Tom Clancy’s The Division
-Pre-order your copy of Tom Clancy’s The Division today for guaranteed access to the upcoming Beta
Deus Ex: Mankind Divided
-Pre-order “Deus Ex: Mankind Divided” to gain access to the “Augment Your Pre-Order” program to choose your own rewards
Fallout 4
– Pre-Order Fallout 4 to get a physical Vault-Tec Perk Poster, fully colorized retro fun for the ultimate Wasteland survivor
Mighty No. 9
-Pre-order Mighty No. 9 to receive the Beck Retro Hero DLC, an Artbook, and Poster; Plus Special Offer for PlayStation 4 Customers
Call of Duty: Black Ops III 
-Pre-order for early access to the Black Ops III beta.
Star Wars Battlefront
-Pre-order and get early access to 2 map packs, including one based on The Force Awakens
Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Siege
-Pre-order for FREE guaranteed Beta Access

One thought on “The Best New Amazon Releases: Halo? Is It WWE You’re Looking For?

  1. I make it a deliberate point to read each of these, to keep on top of what may be worth looking at, as well as your “Hot Takes” on the releases. This time, I needed to comment because the title for this one is such a great and terrible pun. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *