Kindergarten Cop 2 is coming out this May, and everything you loved about the original is gone. Watch and suffer along with us!
Back in 1990, Kindergarten Cop was a revelation. Sure, Twins was worth a chuckle, but the “action star goes goofy comedy” template started with this classic and really hasn’t been improved upon with The Rock playing a tooth fairy or Vin Diesel playing a Pacifier. Heck, even Arnold’s other kid-friendly roles couldn’t compare to Detective John Kimble getting angry a batch of adorable kids (all of whom are 30 or older now, if you didn’t feel old yet). Was it the best comedy ever or Arnold’s finest film? Hardly, but it stands as a great piece of work that probably should have been left alone for future generations to find. Unfortunately, any exploitable IP will be exploited, so now we’re getting Kindergarten Cop 2 this May, starring the similarly thick-accented brute Dolph Lundgren. Watch and prepare for your childhood to die a little more.
As we’ve covered in this week’s Laser Time on the longest sequel gaps, there’s plenty of delayed sequels that have sullied the reputation of their franchise, but this one is particularly egregious. 26 years after the original warmed our heart, we have a sequel that repeats so much of the original’s jokes while attempting to make new ones that would have been cut from the script. Also, the kid peeing in the trash can looks like he’s five feet tall.
Maybe in three months, Kindergarten Cop 2 will shock the world and succeed where Dumb & Dumberer, Jingle All The Way 2, or Son of the Mask failed, but if that actually happened, I’d check myself for a brain tumor. What do you think of the trailer? Were you a fan of the original? Should we do a Monday Night Movie for the original in May when this sad sequel rolls around?