What’s going on, Laser Timers? Springtime is upon us, and so is another round of horror movie recommendations. I have a pretty solid list that includes zombies, vampires, comedies, and thrillers, all guaranteed to give you good times, or you can go f*** yourself! Just kidding, yo. Writing these articles gets me hyped, and I can’t wait for you guys and gals to check these out.
SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
This is actually from last year, but for some reason it slipped through the cracks and fell off my radar, even though it had one of the better marketing campaigns in a long time. But it made the cut due to featuring possibly my favorite scene in zombie cinema, involving a trampoline and an erection (of sorts). If you’re not down with that, then we can’t be friends.
FREAKS OF NATURE
Picture a world where vampires and zombies are real and hate each other, then suddenly their hometown is invaded by aliens. Sounds awesome, right? Well in this comedy, it is. It has a cameo by the always awesome Bob Odenkirk, plus Vanessa Hudgens, the sexiest vampire since Brad Pitt.
HE NEVER DIED
Henry Rollins has finally found a role that doesn’t make me scramble for the remote to change the channel. His intense demeanor fits perfectly in this dark comedy about a guy who basically can’t die; he is so good that it almost makes up for his awful standup special Punk Rock Hyenas. Now if only we can get him a role as Judge Dredd, I could “die” a happy man…
One of my favorite horror sub-genres is the anthology film, and while this one is almost two hours of hit-or-miss endeavors, two segments make it worth checking out: Father’s Day and Halloween. The latter is directed by Kevin Smith and easily fits into his recent True North horror trilogy of Tusk,Yoga Hosers, and Moose Jaws.
A killer stalking a girl home alone is not a new concept, but what if the girl were deaf? Now you have a new twist on an old trope. This one has some genuinely creepy scenes — what if you left your blinds open in the middle of the night and someone was staring back at you? — not to mention an iconic new horror mask. Sorry, Shatner but the obvious Joseph Gordon Levitt mask used in this film is easily the scariest mask in horror. #ManCrushJGL
With the recent announcement of Scream Factory releasing a new Return of the Living Dead Blu-ray with Tarman’s original voice intact, now is the perfect time to check out this amazing documentary about the making of this classic film and its lasting impact on horror.
Well that’s it for now, but 2016 is going to be a great year for horror fans, with the upcoming releases of Rob Zombie’s 31 and The Conjuring 2. Check back in for my reviews, and if you liked one of my recommendations, let me know in the comments!
Moan4Stallone is Laser Time’s horror master, and he’d love to get at you on Twitter.