Summer is officially here! It’s about 200 degrees in southern California, so it’s the perfect time to stay indoors and watch some horror movies. Below are some new, some old, and some unexpected picks from your regal Laser Time horror master, Moan4stallone.
Nothing says 80s like martial arts, practical effects, and synth music. This film has all of the above — and BMX bikes! Set in a post apocalyptic 1997, a young man scours the desert landscapes looking for comic books and doing insane bike tricks, all the while fighting a somewhat sober Michael Ironside, somewhat. If you liked the film Rad and still have thunder in your heart, definitely check this one out.
As you all know, this guy loves him some anthology films, and this one does not disappoint: five interlocking tales, each better then the last, featuring the best desert landscape since The Hills Have Eyes. I was desperately trying to figure out what the f*** was going on after each segment until it all came together in the end, and that’s what I loved so much about it! Plus, it features legendary comedian and voice of the legit but sadly forgotten gaming mascot Gex the Gecko — Dana Gould is in this one, yo! Now go get lost in the desert.
The Conjuring 2
Oh no, M4S has gone commercial with this pick! Hey, occasionally a big studio will put out a decent haunted house flick, and they did with this sequel. James Wan is all right in my book (if you didn’t like Death Sentence you’re crazy!). While an occasional bad CGI moment featuring a certain, shall I say, “crooked man” almost derailed this one for me, it’s probably the best Poltergeist remake out there. I love you, Sam Rockwell, but I’d rather loan my car to Johnny Manziel than ever watch your remake again.
More of a revenge flick but also a great grindhouse watch, this film is older, but one that I have been wanting to recommend for a while. It stars nobody famous (which adds to the realism); it’s a practical everyman’s answer to the Taken franchise. When the main character’s daughter is drugged, raped, and murdered on camera, this father does what he believes is necessary to avenge his kin. No fancy Liam Fu on display here, just disturbingly good fights and excellent acting in this Australian exploitation film.
In honor of the late great actor Anton Yelchin, I decided to plug one of his best films here. Sure, Green Room is a better film, but I already wrote it up. Also starring one of my many man crushes, Colin Farrell, this reboot sadly bombed at the box office — and home video, apparently, since I recently purchased the 3D Blu-ray version for under $20. Loosely based on the original 80s classic, this one is modern and fun enough to be a must-see for horror comedy fans.
Well, this is a lighter list than usual, but not a whole lot of good new horror is out at the moment. At least Halloween is only four months away. Until next time, my horror dudes!
Moan4stallone is always up for some horror. Hit him on Twitter to talk terror!