John Cena Looking Like A Chump Was The Coolest Thing On Raw Last Night

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Great microphone work and some interesting face-offs made the massive match between the Wyatts, The Club, The New Day, and the realest guys in the room The Coolest Thing On Raw Last Night.

Welcome to Laser Time’s Tuesday morning quarterback article series that picks the best part of the biggest weekly LIVE wrestling program, WWE Monday Night Raw. With three live hours to sort through, it can sometimes be difficult to separate what sucks and what rules. That’s where The Coolest Thing on Raw Last Night (or TCTORLN) comes in. We find the cool part(s) and tell you exactly why it’s so awesome!

HONORABLE MENTION:
MICK FOLEY AND DANIEL BRYAN’S RETURN

Before Raw aired, if you told me the best part of the show WOULDN’T be the returns of Mick Foley and (more importantly) Daniel Bryan, I’d be shocked. And it’s not even because Raw was a great show this week (it was actually kind of a dud). Instead, only one of the four parties involved in this week’s drama even really connected. I’ll give you one guess who it was.

In a way, I’m glad that there’s this convoluted Commissioner-General Manager system in place for Raw and Smackdown for the immediate future. The McMahon/Authority drama has long since run its course, and I hope the awful interjections from Shane and Stephanie McMahon is just the duo getting their last licks in before becoming (very) part-time authority figures. What good is Stephanie making fun of Shane’s sweatiness or Shane questioning Stephanie’s relevance? The shows should, and hopefully will be about the commissioners who are fresher faces and have tons of fan support to trade on as Raw and Smackdown become their own entities.

Besides a few backstage bits, Mick Foley was a bit toothless and scripted, but I think he’ll eventually mesh well with Raw’s (presumed) story focus. Plus, I’m all for Raw’s Cruiserweight Championship, which should add some much-needed in-ring excitement to a show that can often drag. But most of all, I’m jazzed that Daniel Bryan is back, happy, and in charge of a show he claims is about in-ring action. I mean, Smackdown has been like that for awhile, but now the matches will ACTUALLY MEAN something!

THE COOLEST THING ON RAW LAST NIGHT:
THE 12-MAN TAG TEAM MATCH

When I initially watched this massive battle featuring The Wyatts and The Club against The New Day, John Cena, Enzo, and Big Cass I was dissapointed. After the epic Match of the Year-caliber battles that The Shield, Evolution, and The Wyatts had in 2014, this was just a standard boondoggle with too many wrestlers to highlight. But on a rewatch, I learned that the non-match action boosted this segment’s stature. Firstly, I loved the mic work from (most) parties involved in the match. Enzo speaks hot fire as he is wont to do, eviscerating The Club while leaving them a bit of breathing room to avoid burial, The New Day got in some great Pokemon Go talk, The Club pointed out their dominance as a faction while further creating (weird) characters for Luke “Ski” Gallows and Karl “Hot Asian Wife” Anderson. John Cena got to act befuddled, which was a bit out of character, but was cute anyway.

As for the match itself, yes, it didn’t deliver moments of high-action with tons of high-risk aerobatics and multiple finishers pulled off in sequence, but it did have a few face-offs that made for nice photo opportunities (and teased potential future feuds). I always did enjoy seeing Royal Rumble face-offs where two huge wrestlers would have a staredown, and this match had it in spades. Whether it was the intra-team heat between Gallows and Erick Rowan (who really could use a psychotic “six seconds” tweak to his character due to WrestleMania) and Bray Wyatt with AJ Styles, or the in-ring face off between Big Cass and Braun Strowman (who definitely taught that Enzo’s pal is not actually seven feet tall). Also, Cena looked like a supreme chump, getting knocked off the apron by Strowman, accidentally clocked by Enzo, and caught in the corner by The Wyatts. How great would a “John Cena slips to the later rounds of the draft and questions his skills” storyline be? Of course, he’ll probably be picked first and then win at Battleground, so let me savor this for a day, alright?

THE COOLEST MOMENT FROM THE COOLEST THING ON RAW LAST NIGHT:

Cena is scared into the corner by Bray's spider-walk, then gets scared by the corner into a clothesline.
Cena is scared into the corner by Bray’s spider-walk, then gets scared by the corner into a clothesline.

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