1 – The New Day (RAW) vs. Bray Wyatt (Smackdown), Erick Rowan (Smackdown), and Braun Strowman (Raw)
Gotta go with New Day. The Republican National Convention just ended and black people could really use a win of any kind.
PICK: The New Day
2 – Becky Lynch (Smackdown) vs. Natalya (Smackdown)
This is really more of a battle between Facebook and Twitter. Notifications vs Mentions! Which will I peruse instead of paying attention to two women I barely recognize?!
3- John Cena (Smackdown), Enzo Amore (Raw) & Big Cass (Raw) vs. AJ Styles (Smackdown), Luke Gallows (Raw), and Karl Anderson (Raw)
If Cena whips out his Boston accent there’s no way I’m not rooting for a team made up of the Northeast’s finest in White Trash.
PICK: Cena, Enzo, and Cass
4- Sami Zayn (Raw) vs. Kevin Owens (Raw)
What month is this? Are these two conjoined twins or something? Let’s go with Ska Man over The Canadian Cub
5- Intercontinental Champion The Miz (Smackdown) vs. Darren Young (Raw)
As always, I gotta toss my prediction to the guy with the most Hallmark Channel Original Movies. Good luck, Darren.
PICK: The Miz
6- Sasha Banks (Raw) and a mystery partner vs. Charlotte (Raw) & Dana Brooke (Raw)
I like Sasha, and after this week, I can’t imagine a more mysterious partner than Mike Pence. So yeah, I guess I gotta go with Sasha and Pence.
PICK: Banks & mystery partner
7- United States Champion Rusev (Raw) vs. Zack Ryder (Smackdown)
Even though I wouldn’t recognize Zack Ryder if he came up and introduced himself as Zack Ryder, with so many foreigners taking the jobs of Americans, it’s hard not to root against this Rusev fella for taking the gig of United States Champion. Make America’s Belts Great Again!
8- WWE Champion Dean Ambrose (Smackdown) vs. Roman Reigns (Raw) vs. Seth Rollins (Raw)
This is the only match I truly care about. It’s great to see these guys back together. Obviously, no one wants Roman to win so much as a Pokemon Gym Battle, so even though Dean seemingly rose above his underdog cast (I think?) I really fucking miss Rollins, and would probably watch more wrasslin’ just to see him in his sweaty Voldo outfit shoving belts in people’s faces. I’M IN THE ROLLINS BAND!
What are your picks? Leave your predictions in the comment section below, along with the main event running time and a YouTube link to your wrestler theme song of choice. Good luck!