ALF’s 1989 Calendar Preserved for the Enjoyment of Future Civilizations

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We’ve done our patriotic duty and immortalized ALF: The Alien’s Dream Calendar from 1989 with some high-res scans and crucial information. Peabody Award, here we come!

The nature of this business means occasionally get sent a lot of weird, wonderful crap. Just this week, our buddy JC sent along a phenomenal care package of retro collectibles, including some mint Cinefex magazines, Desert Storm playing cards, and oh Jesus God YES, a shirk-wrapped ALF calendar from 1989, the second best year of all-time. *cocks gun fingers at 1994*

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As Thirty Twenty Ten fans well know, ALF is celebrating his 30th anniversary this week. And since we’re underpaid historians, we thought it was up to us to preserve this lovely calendar for posterity. Below you’ll find all twelve calendar pictures, giant and high-res as all get out, more than ready for all your Snapstagrams and/or wallpapering purposes. And just to be thorough, we’ve added in the calendar’s ALF-specific holidays, the Melmacian month translations, and all the terrible jokes ALF jokes that accompany all twelve works of absolute fucking art. Click on each pic to embiggen the shit out of them!

January (Harble)

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ALF says: “This is a great game for me. Where else can I roll around in the mud and get paid for it? I’d be wearing a helmet but they couldn’t fit it over my nose!”
Melmac Holidays: Shriek at a Parrot Day (Jan. 29th)

February (Tarble)

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ALF says: “How do I look as a gangster? I’m a regular ALF Capone! In one hundred years, when some clown opens my vault, at least it will be filled with canned goods.”
Melmac Holidays: Take a Bus Day (Feb 1st), Dance with a Neighbor Day (Feb 21st), National Silence Week Begins (Feb 27th)

March (Gorruf)

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ALF says: “Nice shirt, huh? Somewhere, I n Los Angeles, and El Dorado is driving around without seat covers!”
Melmac Holidays: Mandator Toenail Clipping Day (Mar 16th), Honor Your Hat Day (Mar 25th)

April (Kilmer)

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ALF says: “Wall Street. How do I look… rich? Want an inside tip? Invest in paper. These guys throw more on the floor in five minutes than you can use in a lifetime.”
Melmac Holidays: Second Mother’s Day (Apr 6th), The Check is in the Mail Day (Apr 22nd), Goomer’s Birthday (Apr 23rd)

May (Gagg)

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ALF says: “Just call me ‘Hoops’ Shumway: basketball star extraordinaire. Sure, I’m at a slight height disadvantage, but it’s nothing a rope and ladder can’t fix. My only real problem is how slippery the floor gets after I dribble!”
Melmac Holidays: Tie Up Your Furniture Day (May 3rd), Official Beginning of Shrimp (May 31st)

June (Orring)

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ALF says: “OK who goofed up my fantasy? When I asked to be the judge in a beauty contest I didn’t mean on Earth! No offense, but I go more for the short, furry, long nosed type like Melmacian women… or some types of Airedale.”
Melmac Holidays: Laugh at Your Uncle Day (June 13th), Rut Like Crazed Weasels Day (June 21st), Eat Something Blue Day (June 27th), Lleps Gnihtyreve Sdrawkcab Yad/Spell Everything Backwards Day (June 28th)

July (Barp)

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ALF says: “This is life! Talk about tropical, this shirt looks like I threw up after a jelly bean binge.”
Melmac Holidays: Bouillabaseball Day (July 10th), National Haircut Day (July 15th)

August (Twangle)

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ALF says: “The only problem I have with exercise – besides the fact that it’s exercise – is that fur keeps getting caught in the springs!”
Melmac Holidays: ALF’S BIRTHDAY (Aug 12th), Father’s Day (Aug 15th), Eat Off the Floor Day (Aug 23rd), Wear a Plant Day (Aug 26th)

September (Fanfan)

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ALF says: “Okay, calm down ladies. Cool your jets. The alien of your dreams has arrived. I’m 3’2′ of pure hunk. If hairy chests make you crazy, just think… I come with hairy toes, hairy knees, hairy elbows, hairy ears…”
Melmac Holidays: Sing with a Clam Day (Sept 4th), National “Stick a Sock on Your Head” Day (Sept 29th)

October (Nathinganger)

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ALF says: “Two out, bottom of the ninth. Two bases are loaded and we’re down by four runs. The crowd goes wild as the ol’ ALFer steps up to the plate. WHAM! A five run homer (Hey, this is my fantasy, I can hit a five run homer if I want to!)”
Melmac Holiday: ALF’S BIRTHDAY [Again?] (Oct 2nd), Lift a Friend Over Your Head Day (Oct 18th), Dress Like a Bran Muffin Day (Oct 29th), International Pudding Festival (Oct. 31st)

November (Anerva)

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ALF says: “Now here’s a fantasy come true – galaxy class bowler. What could be more fun than renting shoes? It’s also nice to play a sport where you’re not called out after three strikes.”
Melmac Holidays: Summer Starts (Nov 2nd), Bathe a Policeman Day (Nov 12th), Marry Your Nose Day (Nov 24th) Melmac’s Anniversary (Nov 26th), Summer Ends (Nov 27th)

December (Fibble)

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ALF says: “A ski bum. That’s the life for me. Zipping down slopes – careening over snow drifts – kissing tree bark!”
Melmac Holidays: Seafood Olympics Begins (Dec 6th), Move the House to the Right Day (Dec 12th), Dip Your Head in Fudge Day (Dec 25th), Scream at a Shrub Day (Dec 28th)

HAH! If only there could be more months of the year! But seriously, happy birthday, ALF. If you’re in the mood for more from the 1980s third of fourth most famous Alien Life Form, well, you’re in the right place.

6 thoughts on “ALF’s 1989 Calendar Preserved for the Enjoyment of Future Civilizations

  1. 89 would have been the year Alf got less good, but that would have been the second half of the year with season 3, and this calendar would have come out around the time the second season started. There’s a lot of leg in these pictures, though.

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