Laser Time – Insane Comic & Sci-Fi Timelines

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Why tell stories in order? We begin our foray into crazy fictional timelines by dissecting the insane timelines for franchises like X-Men, Planet of the Apes, James Bond, and more!

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30 thoughts on “Laser Time – Insane Comic & Sci-Fi Timelines

  1. @Chris
    The Apes movies are good (so far) bc there hasnt been a lot of intervention(so far) from Fox and theyre written and conceived by a long time fan, its very interesting read up on him.

    1. That’s pretty much exactly it. Fox is horrible at handling its franchises and they are at their best when given the least oversight (thank god they didn’t care about Deadpool, and I hope to hell that they do not put their fingers deeply in the sequel).

  2. As confusing as the comic timeline gets with X-Men, the movie timeline is even worse. Things were fine until First Class, which raised questions in regards to flashbacks from past movies, but the quality was still high so I can accept that – even though it was intended as a soft reboot in order to clear issues up. Then, Days of Future Past creates a whole mess of problems when remembering that certain events (Xavier shutting down the school and being depressed, Magneto being locked up in the Pentagon, Mystique being experimented on, Sentinels existing) somehow still happened in the original trilogy, despite no mention of these important issues – and small things like how does Toad somehow become like he is in X1 after this, the fact that Logan fought in Vietnam before being put on Team X by an older Stryker, and the existence of Quicksilver. Then, with the timeline “fix” at the end, another soft reboot is put in place (still with lingering issues based on First Class)… which Apocalypse immediately complicates. Why are Angel and Psylocke born 20 years earlier? Where the hell was Apocalypse in the original timeline… he somehow wasn’t uncovered despite those events being relatively unrelated to the changes made in DOFP? How did Wolverine end up in Weapon X in the same era, despite Mystique seemingly saving him from it? Was Nightcrawler the same age as Scott and Jean in X2? How did Jean’s Phoenix powers manifest so soon?

    A lot of people would just say this is nitpicking and accuse me of being biased towards the MCU or what not, but this honestly detracts from the most recent two X-Men films in a way something like Prometheus does – none of the logic holds up to scrutiny, and very little is consistent.

    1. These are fair criticisms to the Xmen movie universe. That shit is complicated and requires a ton of belief suspension in terms of story. Ultimately it’s a quintessential example of putting movies out and making a universe that fits instead of planning a universe and making movies that fit it.

      1. New show idea: Dave Squared, or perhaps even Diamond Dog Dave – Dave Cubed. Now all we need is the cloning technology… come on Patreon money!

        1. Once a month – it is required to have Lost Chat – I have never watched but he is very passionate about that show

    1. The Lost talk left me feeling like wrestling talk does, completely uninterested in all the names and situations that no one ever really seems to like in the end. I’d be surprised if there weren’t some situation in wrestling that would fit this topic, too.

  3. all this comic book talk made me realize how much I’ve missed Cape Crisis… Brett should continue where Henry left off!!
    .
    …does anyone know any good comic-focused podcasts??? I tried a few others awhile back but Cape Crisis was the only one that stuck for me

  4. You guys mentioned the Clone Wars cartoon that came after episode 3 yet was between episodes 2 and 3. But it ia aslo a good example of an insane timeline. For example in season 1 we’re introduced to a squad of clones defending a communication station. The station is destroyed right before a huge battle. That battle isn’t shown until the 3rd season but not before you see the same clones from season 1 getting trained. In fact the show has so many episodes that air in non-chronological order the star wars website has an official chronological listing of the series.

    1. They seem to have got the show mixed up with Rebels, which DOES take place between episodes 3 and 4, and features a few characters from Clone Wars.

  5. If we could peer-pressure Elston into a full Ernest episode, we gotta get Chris to do a full-on, dicks-out Planet of the Apes episode one day

  6. Chris didn’t mention how important the word “no” was in Conquest and Battle for the Planet of the Apes movies, thus calling back (or pandering) in the new movies. I thought it was dumb when Caesar yelled “NO!” in Dawn (Rise? they both sound like the first one,) and was just meant to play on the nostalgia of the people who have seen the earlier ones. Chris said a couple of times that Zera and Cornelius gave a gorilla baby to Ricardo Montelban in Escape, but they were chimps, it’s unlikely they had a gorilla baby, and the gorillas were the agressive military apes (even in Tim Burton’s version,) so the humans would have had some reason to fear them getting smart.

  7. I don’t even fucking like Lost and I felt the Dave-in-the-middle gangbang about Lost was pretty bad/sad/hilarious.

    I RESPECT Dave’s opinion of the show, because I never watched it- my friends did at that time, some of us were fresh out of high school and unemployed or between college but I was busy playing games like usual to watch it with them.

    But one of my favorite memories is the Talkradar you guys did about Lost. So much early 20’s nostalgia.

  8. I think Lost would hold up a lot more if they released an edition where they edit out the personal flashbacks. Those are unwatchable now if you’ve seen them the first time. That said, I didn’t mind Lost. I think it shit the bed after season 2 but the first couple seasons are still amazing. I would actually love it if Dave could find someone to do a Lost podcast with. I think it might actually make me appreciate the show I bit more than I do.

    Great as always guys.

    1. There’s a site called Chronologically Lost that takes the entire series and puts it in chronological order, over 101 episodes. So if you felt like skipping the Jacob/Man in Black origins, the Dharma Initiative, the Flashbacks, the horrendous Flash Sideways and only want to focus on the “present day” island stuff, then this is for you. You can stream all eps on their Facebook page:

      https://www.facebook.com/ChronologicallyLOST

  9. Sorry Dave, normally I agree with you on things, but Chris is right.

    Lost was terrible.

    Lindlehoff should be drawn and quartered for wasting six years of my life.

    1. Mysteries of Laura is terrible. Lost is an ambitious idea stretched out that tried a bit too hard but still an overall OK experience.

  10. I agree with Dave. Lost is a fine show that I enjoyed watching. Last year I rewatched the entire show and was surprised how much I enjoyed rewatching it. Is it the best show of all time? No but it is an interesting show with great characters and a plot so out there most TV shows wouldn’t go anywhere near now and days. I’d sure as shit take another Lost over a show like 2 broke girls. At least one fucking tries.

    Also, I disagree with Brett on Marvel rewatchability. All of those films I’ve rewatched several times and love it each time. I get that not everyone feels that way but I know I’m in the camp of enjoying multiple times.

    And Chris, same note. You mentioned how Ironman one is difficult to watch given you know he won’t die. My question is, did you ever seriously expect him to? When you read an Ironman comic do you read it for the suspense that he will meaningfully and forever die? My guess is no. You read because you like the character and like seeing the struggle the character goes through to win in the end (or even sometimes win? like at the end of Civil War).

    And building off the previous point and addressing Dave. The thing that ‘no meaningful character’ dies is a bogus argument. I feel this is just a cheap way to build tension and stakes when a good film can do it without it. I don’t need to see a hero die to make me feel something. The stakes were damn high in Civil War with zero main person deaths and I think it has done a fair job of that in every movie. If War Machine had died I actually would have liked the movie a lot less because I would see it as a copout to build stakes. The injury and tough recovery was enough to build the dramatic tension. I don’t want my Marvel movies to be like Game of Thrones with people dropping like flies all the damn time. I want to see characters I love get the shit kicked out of them but still find a way to win in the end and overcome the odds without a mandatory body count.

  11. I think Dave needs his Lost episode. I was a huge fan for the first two seasons, before I realized that there weren’t going to be any satisfying answers and giving up on it. I would honestly like to hear a serious breakdown of the show from someone who didn’t end up hating the show.

    Also, Jesus Fuck, the X-Men movie universe really did become almost as stupid and convoluted as the comics X-Men universe.

  12. I echo (Mr. Eko?) the general sentiment in this comment thread: everybody is too rough on Dave and his love of an 11-year old TV show. Chris, you treat “Lost” like an ex-girlfriend that crashed your car, insulted your mama, and still owes you money.
    But, yeah, Season 2 was pretty stupid.

  13. Great episode, with the discussions of the Bond franchise and Planet of the Apes there’s another entire angle with them being properties originating with novels.

    Even as a kid “in a pre-internet world” I never found it hard to just enjoy each of the Bond movies as their own thing, but the books actually do have much tighter continuity between them but that would have been hard to maintain in the films which were adapted in a completely different order than the books were written (Dr. No is the sixth book, but first movie). In Dr. No (the sixth book, but first movie) there is a character that Bond meets up with that is his guide for the area, this character had already appeared in Live and Let Die, the second book (but 8th movie, and first Rodger Moore movie), so in the movie adaptation they made this character the son of the guy from Dr. No. But in a pre-internet and pre-home video era does it even matter if anyone remembers the relationship to a secondary character from a movie 11 years before?

    You did go over Bond’s marriage at the end of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, which does happen in the novel, though that novel is then followed by You Only Live Twice, where he goes to Japan and knocks up a Japanese girl, the movie adaptation of You Only Live Twice was made before On Her Majesty’s Secret Service.

    While M and Q are in most of the movies, Bond’s CIA friend Felix Lieter is also in a number of them played by various actors.

    The Planet of the Apes discussion was great and of course in an internet era its one of those movies that’s been spoiled even if you haven’t seen it, though somehow the sequels with all the crazy time travel stuff hasn’t been as much. Though Planet of the Apes is also loosely based (at least in concept) on a French novel that is also quite good and also has a pretty neat twist at the end, entirely different from the movies that came from it.

    Lost is one of those shows that was so big at the time, but it really is hard to go back to, especially the last season because once you know the gimmick, the flash sideways of the last season just don’t work at all. I still think it was very well done for the most part, but that last season just doesn’t work at all after you know the twist.

    Can’t wait for part two.

  14. Great episode. I thought as soon as Dave said “Lost” I would skip the rest of the eppisode but it was kind of nice to be reminded why that show captured my attention for so long. It really just fucked up the end. The show was compelling until the finale. No mention however of how many times Jack got Cuckold.

    I know you guys will never read this, or maybe you’ve already recorded Part II, but I hope you go easy on the Zelda Timeline. Most people in the media like to trash people who take the timeline seriously, and honestly, I don’t even care about it that much, but I do like when the games are connected. Playing Twlight Princess and realizing you are going up the broken spiral staircase that you went down with Zelda while fleeing the burning castle is a cool feeling and only works if you accept that the games are sequels of each other. Also the desolate and destroyed Temple of Time is a cool effect if you recall seeing it in all it’s glory in Ocarina. Same goes for Hyrule under the sea in Wind Waker. There are definite connections and LINKS (har har) between the games that suggest they fall on some timeline, wether it is Nintendo’s official one or not it doesn’t matter.

    I don’t think it is worth time or energy debating where games like Four Swords or Triforce Heros fits on the timeline. That is when the discussion gets pointless. But the big major games and how Zelda, Link and Gannon all relate to each other over the span of time and space does make for a fun discussion and speculation. In some ways I think the Hyrule Historia timeline took a lot of fun out of figuring out how the Timeline Works.

  15. Look out, Chris doesn’t like something! Time for him to be the only right person in the room and railroad the shit out of everyone!

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