Laser Time – The Most Confusing Timelines Explained!

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After we whet your timeline appetite with comic and sci-fi in the last episode, we discuss the weirdly obtuse Fast and Furious timeline alongside some of gaming’s toughest time quandaries.

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20 thoughts on “Laser Time – The Most Confusing Timelines Explained!

  1. Explained? How many are REALLY just the writers making it up as the go alone however? Although in the case of Zelda I actually don’t think there is one at all. I don’t know, it just seems more coherent without one in a strange twist.

  2. Dave was leaking confidence in that metal gear timeline with each convoluted explanation. The best way to visualize the timeline is 10 years at a time.

    1964-1974-1984-1995-2005-2014
    MGS3-PW-MGS4-MG-MGS1-MGS4

    with some of the other games filling in there within a few years.
    Good 2 part episode though guys.

    1. I had more to say. I wouldn’t called MGS’ timeline confusing, although it was released out of order all the events happen sequentially (no canonical time travel or cross dimentional nonsense). But it also used the release order to add wrinkles to the story.

      Best example would be MGS3. Revolver Ocelot, who in MGS2 was possessed by a cloned-arm-ghost, was revealed to by the son of a psychic medium (The Sorrow). Thus explaining some of that ghost stuff (the best it could be). However in MGS4 it was revealed to the player that the entire ghost thing was a read herring, both in the world and as a story element.

  3. Metal Gear Timeline
    MGS3 – (PS2-2004) – Naked Snake aka Big Boss (not a clone of anyone) kills The Boss for the Philosophers. The CIA steals half of “the philosophers legacy” (a shit load of money)

    MGs: Portable Ops – (PSP- 2006) – Big Boss and his team from MGS3 get caught up in a coup by the FOX Unit. Big Boss stops the incident, Ocelot steals the other half of the Legacy, and the group forms “The Patriots”.

    MGS: Peace Walker – (PSP – 2010) – Big Boss hates how evil “The Patriots” are becoming and leaves the group when they start cloning him, leaving to start a private Military company. The Patriots, led by Major Zero aka Cipher, send PAZ aka Pacifica Ocean (a 30 year old woman who looks like a 16 year old girl) to trick Big Boss into stopping Hot Coldman from launching a Nuke at the US. They then try to blackmail Big Boss into re-joining them by threatening to blame the Nuke launch on him. Big Boss blows up PAZ and keeps the Metal Gear and Nuke for himself.

    MGS: Ground Zeroes – (Multiple System Release – 2014) – PAZ is recovered alive by a fisherman and ends up in Camp Omega (“not” Guantanamo Bay). Chico, a child soldier in Boss’ Army with a crush on PAZ goes to rescue her, fails, and is also captured. Both are torutred and raped by Skull Face in order to lure Big Boss out and to learn the location of Cipher from PAZ. Big Boss goes to rescue/re-capture them. While away, Skull Face atttacks Big Boss’ base, blows it up, and then blows up Snake with a bomb hidden in PAZ’s vagina. Skull Face then infects Cipher with a virus that rapidly deteriorates his mind.

    MGS5: Phantom Pain – (Mutliple System Release – 2015) – Big Boss is in a coma for 10 years. He wakes up, brain washes and gives plastic surgery to a brain dead medic who got exploded with him turning him into a copy of himself (Venom Snake), and then sends that copy off to kill Skull Face. Big Boss and Venom Snake build the “Big Boss Legend” together before Big Boss eventually re-joins the U.S. Government to form FOX HOUND.

    MG – (MSX2/NES – 1987) – Venom Snake gets his hands on a Nuke, a Metal Gear, and starts a mercenary nation called Outer Heaven in south Africa. Solid Snake is sent by Big Boss to kill him. Solid Snake succeeds but believes at the end that Venom Snake is really Big Boss and is also his father.

    MG2: Solid Snake – (MSX2 – 1990) – Big Boss re-forms Outer Heaven in Zanzibar Land and kidnaps Dr. Marv in an attempt to control the worlds economy with the Dr’s research on a new alternative fuel source, OILIX. Snake infiltrates Zanzibar Land, “kills” Gray Fox, and then “Kills” Big Boss.

    MGS (Playstaion – 1998) – Liquid Snake takes over a secret missile base in Alaska and Solid Snake is sent to stop him. Secretly, the Patriots infect Solid Snake with the FOXDIE virus programmed to kill him, Liquid Snake, Fox Hound, Arms Tech President Baker, and DARPA Chief Anderson aka SIGINT and member of the Patriots (By this time the Patriots as an organization were completely controlled by AI supercomputers designed by Cipher before he lost his mind designed to manipulate the government and the world according to his interpretation of the will of The Boss). However, Naomi Hunter alters the Fox Die so that Solid Snake death date is completely random. She hates him for killing her “brother” Gray Fox and wants him to live his life in constant fear that he may die at any second. From now on any breath could be his last. Ocelot steal the design plans for Metal Gear and releases it onto the internet. Also, Solid Snake learns that he and Liquid Snake are clones of Big Boss and not technically their sons.

    MGS2: Sons of Liberty – (PS2 – 2001) – Solid Snake is framed by the Patriots for sinking an oil tanker in the Hudson River to cover up Ocelots theft of the US’s Metal Gear Ray as well as the building of Arsenal Gear. This is all part of the Patriots plan to control the internet with supercomputer AI’s programmed to carry out the Ciphers mission to “realize the boss’s dream” by controlling the world’s information. It is also part of their plan to create the ultimate soldier by recreating the events that make Solid Snake who he is by manipulating Raiden to stop former US President and Big Boss Clone George Sears aka Solidus Snake who is trying to take control of the system for himself.

    MGS4: Guns of the Patriots – (PS3 – 2008) – Ocelot, who has mind controlled himself into believing he is Liquid Snake in order to fool the Patriots control of him, takes control of the Patriots AI system and thus all the weapons in the world. Solid Snake, who has now prematurely aged due to the imperfect nature of the cloning technology used to make him, blows up the Patriots AI computers and beats Ocelot to death.

    MGS: Revengeance – (Multiple System release – 2013) – Raiden now lives as a cyborg in a world where robots and nanomachines are all over the place.

  4. As far as weird wrestling timelines go, the Freebirds once won the WCW tag team titles at a PPV after losing them at a TV taping. The result: A negative six day title reign. WCW had a lot of stuff like that happen due to taping months worth of shows at a time at Disney World, but that’s probably the most egregious example.

  5. These two podcasts you’ve done have been fantastic.
    You have rekindled my interest in the Fast & Furious movies. I checked out after 4, that was so bad I couldn’t continue. Those shocking CGI scenes ‘shudder’.
    But i will check out 5, 6 & 7.

    Another perfect run of podcasts, keep that gold up!

  6. Had no idea Brett was such a Zelda fan. As a huge fan myself I can’t stand when people do what Chris did and say all the story stuff in Zelda is inferred. No. it’s all explicitly stated in the games. All Zelda games have a story and make explicit connections between certain games. It wasn’t your fucking imagination that came up with the goddesses leaving the Triforce behind. Jesus that shit irritates me.

    Just because you didn’t pay attention to the story doesn’t make it Nintendos fault. Same with Metroid. There is an even more explicit story in that series.

    Glad Brett corrected him each time but Chris was using that weird voice he uses when he thinks he’s right and everyone else is wrong so I doubt it stuck.

    1. You are awesome Chris, don’t get me wrong. I know you get a lot of underserved shit in comments. Rereading my comment sounds saltier than I meant it too. I mean it does irritate me, but wow. adding “fucking” to any sentence really elevates the anger that is conveyed.

    2. I really think it’s a combination: certain Zelda games make explicit references to other games, but some of them completely ignore other games. I think Nintendo is deliberately linking more games now, but I also think they took a very cavalier approach to it for a long time.

  7. Oh, listening to the most recent Laser Time (Horror By Numbers) reminded me of another convoluted timeline from a recent franchise: PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!

    So, the third movie is actually first, Then the second movie, then the first…but it’s happening parallel to the second. Even better, the first movie had multiple endings much like Clue, but the canon one is where the female protagonist kills her husband and leaves her house possessed, because that leads into the ending of the second movie…BUT THEN, the 5th movie, “The Marked ones” is also happening offscreen during the first movie…and then last is the 4th movie.

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