Ranking the Movies of Desperate D-List Actor Troy McClure

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

Hello, Laser Time. I’m here to tell you about Troy McClure. This has-been has been a man about Tinseltown, starring in questionable project after questionable project. His film career is hardly discussed, since there is only scant footage and information out there, but now we can provide a definitive power ranking of all his unmemorable films.

How did I do it? Well, his films have titles that sound awfully familiar to more notable Hollywood films from the gold and silver age, even some films were made in the muck and mire of the 80s and 90s too. By running those titles through Rotten Tomatoes scores, a definitive list is made — one that is sure to create a non-biased and open discussion… right?

Once again, these are just his movies, so no TV shows, education films, or cartoons here. I’m sorry if you’re a fan of Handle With Care, Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory, or Christmas Ape.

Movies with No Rotten Tomatoes Reviews or No Reference Movie

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

  • The Erotic Adventures of Hercules (inspired by The Erotic Adventure of Zorro)
  • Make-Out King of Montana (Cattle Queen of Montana)
  • Gladys the Groovy Mule (Francis the Talking Mule)
  • The President’s Neck is Missing (The President’s Plane is Missing)
  • They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall (They Came To Rob Las Vegas)
  • Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die (Oggi a me…domani a te! [a Spaghetti Western])
  • Here Comes the Coast Guard (Here Comes the Navy)
  • The Verdict Was Mail Fraud (The Verdict)
  • The Wackiest Covered Wagon in the West (The Wackiest Wagon Train in the West)
  • The Contrabulous Fabtration of Professor Horatio Hufnagel (N/A)
  • David vs. Super Goliath (N/A)
  • Good Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, and the Great Disco Freak Out (N/A)
  • The Revenge of Abe Lincoln (N/A)
  • Calling All Quakers (N/A)
  • The Radioactive Man movie series, including II: Bring on the Sequel, and III: Oh God, Not Again (N/A)
  • Preacher with a Shovel (N/A)

It’s also worth noting that there are way too many Muppets movies to grade The Muppets Go Medieval, but let’s just all assume it’s a good movie, okay?

Worst. Troy McClure Movie. Ever.

The Boatjacking of Supership ‘79 (Concorde: Airport ‘79) – 14%

Movie For a Rained-Out Ballgame Tier

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

  • Give My Remains to Broadway (Named after the popularized musical song “Give My Regards to Broadway,” but was inspiration in name to Paul McCartney’s film for his album Give my Regards to Broad Street) – 23%
  • Look Who’s Still Oinking (Named after the Look Who’s Talking line of movies; all three movies’ scores were averaged and rounded up) – 25%
  • Leper in the Backfield (Angels in the Outfield — there were two versions, one in 1951 and the more memorable one in 1994; the ‘94 version was reviewed, so I opted for that one) – 35%
  • The Greatest Story Ever Hula’d (The Greatest Story Ever Told) – 37%

Thou$and Dollar Movie Tier

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

  • The Electric Gigolo (Named after The Electric Horseman and American Gigolo; both RT scores were averaged and rounded up) – 68%
  • Suddenly Last Supper (Suddenly Last Summer) – 69%
  • Jagged Attraction (Named after Jagged Edge and Fatal Attraction; both RT scores were averaged and rounded up) – 80%
  • The Seven Year Old Bitch (The Seven Year Itch) – 86%

Springfield Googolplex Tier

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

  • Hydro: The Man With Hydraulic Arms (X: The Man with X-Ray Eyes) – 87%
  • Hitler Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore) – 88%
  • Dial ‘M’ For Murderousness (Dial ‘M’ For Murder) – 88%
  • Cry Yuma (Named after Cry Havoc and 3:10 to Yuma; both RT scores were averaged and rounded up) – 89%
  • Meet Joe Blow (Meet John Doe) – 89%

Best. Troy McClure Movie. Ever.

troy mcclure, simpsons, movies, reviews, scores, Rotten Tomatoes

‘P’ is for Psycho (Psycho — obviously from the original and not that questionable one starring Vince Vaughn) – 96%

So there you have it folks: the definitive list of Troy McClure movies, as made possible both from Rotten Tomatoes and the actual films that the Simpsons writers drew inspiration. If you want to buy these movies, go through the Amazon link. In the immortal words from Calling All Quakers, “have it your way, baby!”

Article by contributor Aaron Chados.

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